A longer, less violent/obscene offering...
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
A DARK ROOM. WE CAN VAGUELY MAKE OUT BEN AND JESS, TUCKED UP IN BED.
JESS:
Mind if I turn on the light?
BEN:
Go for it.
JESS GROPES THE BEDSIDE LAMP FOR A SWITCH.
BEN (CONT):
Oh right, I should have said, it doesn't have a switch.
JESS:
How do you turn it on?
BEN:
You need to sing the theme tune to the eighties animated children's show, Defenders of the Earth.
JESS:
What?
BEN:
Yeah, it's like one of those ones you clap to turn on, only instead of clapping you need to sing the theme tune to Defenders of the Earth.
JESS:
Oh right. In that case...
Defenders of the Earth, Defenders!
Out of the sky his rockets ignite!
Jets into battle, flies faster than light!
Flash Gordon!
Lord of the jungle, the hero who stalks!
The beasts call him brother, the ghost who walks!
Phantom!
Defenders of the Earth, Defenders!
Master of magic, spells and illusion,
Enemies crumble in fear and confusion!
Mandrake!
NOTHING HAPPENS.
JESS (CONT):
Why's nothing happening?
BEN:
I don't know. Maybe you missed a verse.
JESS:
This is stupid. You're telling me there's no switch at all?
BEN:
If I remember right, the troubleshooting bit in the manual said something about another way of activating it.
JESS:
How?
BEN:
Apparently you have to do an impression.
JESS:
Of what?
BEN:
Whimsy.
JESS:
An impression of whimsy? Well, okay then...
JESS JUMPS UP AND DOES A COMPLEX INTERPRETIVE DANCE.
BEN:
What was that?
JESS:
I was playing the part a Russian peasant girl who accidentally unearths a pretty kite from the cold, barren earth and decides to fly it, thereby eliciting the first drop of joy in an otherwise unbearably harsh existence.
BEN:
Right. Did not get that at all.
JESS:
This is ridiculous! You're telling me we just have to live in darkness then?
BEN:
Well no, there is one other way. Apparently you have to go down the shops and buy me a pack of fruit pastilles.
JESS:
Really, that's unbelievable? Literally unbelievable. Oh well, so long as it does the job...
SHE PULLS ON SOME CLOTHES AND EXITS FOR THE SHOPS. BEN CHUCKLES TO HIMSELF.
BEN:
Some people will believe anything.
HE PUNCHES HIMSELF IN THE FACE AND THE LAMP COMES ON.
END SKETCH
