The War of the King

THE KING IS ON HIS THRONE AS HIS CHIEF ADVISOR ENTERS.

Advisor:
Your Highness, I regret to inform you that we are at war.

King:
War? It cannot be.

Advisor:
Fear not Sire, we have gathered a formidable Army with which to defeat the enemy.

King: (LAUGHS)
I never doubted that for a moment my good man, let me feast my eyes upon this band of warriors strong and true.

Advisor:
Right! First my Liege may I introduce two of the finest Bishops in the Kingdom ready & Waiting to stand either side of you & your lady Queen.

King:
Bishops? What good are Bishops? And why are they walking funny, well funnier than usual?

Advisor:
It's Diagonal Sire, it's all the rage these days in the clergy apparently.

King:
Now what are those Horsies doing here?

Advisor:
They are Knights My Liege.

King:
Well that's' more like it, how many hundreds of those do we have?

Advisor:
Two

King:
Two hundred Knights! Splendid, we cannot fail.

Advisor:
No just two!

King:
Just Two Bloody knights?

Advisor:
But these are no ordinary Knights Sire, watch how they can attack something that is straight ahead of them and then slightly to the right or left.

King:
We're buggered aren't we?

Advisor:
I haven't shown you the rooks yet.

King:
Oh yes, wonderful! It get's even better! let's all Jump on the back of a Rook & fly to safety.

Advisor:
No, Sire, not those kind of Rooks, these Rooks are more like Castles.

King:
You've gone barmy!

Advisor:
You'll be thanking me when you get Castled later on.

King:
I beg your pardon?

Advisor:
We also have a very impressive Pawn Collection, which the enemy will find hard to breach.

King:
I'd be surprised if they can even find it, but I don't see what good it will do.
Unless you were thinking that we could blind ourselves before the enemy get's a chance... Hmm we'll call that Plan A.

Advisor:
You have no need to worry Sire it is a fair & just war. The enemy is bestowed with an army of identical strength & personnel to our own.

King:
Hmm Evens eh? I don't like those odds, what If I were killed?

Advisor:
Oh no you don't get killed, everyone else fights & you just try to stay out of trouble.

King:
Interesting... So all I need to do is just stay here in the Castle....

Advisor:
Rook!

King:
Whatever! So I just stay here in the Castle with my bishop and my Pawn...

Advisor:
Well I think you're missing the point, but more or less yes.

King:
Sounds great! Let's get started.

Advisor:
Oh no you don't get to go first.

King:
Is that because I'm...

Advisor:
Indeed.

King:
Just wanted to Check.

END

Class.

Very nice but it's inevitably going to be a tad predictable, maybe jazz it up? Make one of the advisers like a character from Dr Strangelove or something?

To be honest the sketch drags a little (soots point about inevitable predictability) and the pawn/porn confusion was a bit strained; but it is a killer punch.

Yeah it is a bit first Draughtsy.

I think I was caught inbetween the premise & shoehorning in references.
I wasn't too comfortable with the Pawn stuff either, maybe it needs cutting or changing to one quick reference instead.

This is a great line:

'But these are no ordinary Knights Sire, watch how they can attack something that is straight ahead of them and then slightly to the right or left.'

*thumbs up smiley*

Great sketch. Agreed on all the other commentary and on the pawn line. That bit highlights the predictability of the whole sketch, not that it doesn't work, so maybe that's a good place to interject something else.

Howz about they find out their actually playing against a game of chequers?

I think it's great Steve. Very funny and the dialogue flows seemlessly. Final punchline is perfect as it is.

Great sketch, Steve. Really top class. Loving that punch (the race one - although the sly "Check" also raised a chuckle).

Like others, I found it a bit predictable and I also opine that the gags need to be stronger. Not sure about the punchline. Seems like a random chess gag rather than a closer.

Quote: Ben @ August 4 2010, 10:40 AM BST

Not sure about the punchline. Seems like a random chess gag rather than a closer.

View original

The king gets to go second because he's black. It's a comment on racial stereotyping tucked into a silly gag about chess. What's not to love?

The punchline is good enough to survive as a sketch on it's own. So basically like some fabulous Hasbro transformer sketch you have a big sketch that can turn into a little one.

You are rapidly becoming Steve SunGod.

Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ August 4 2010, 12:07 AM BST

This is a great line:

'But these are no ordinary Knights Sire, watch how they can attack something that is straight ahead of them and then slightly to the right or left.'

*thumbs up smiley*

View original

Yes, that is beautifully crafted line.

Quote: David Bussell @ August 4 2010, 10:43 AM BST

The king gets to go second because he's black. It's a comment on racial stereotyping tucked into a silly gag about chess. What's not to love?

View original

Well I guess, but I, personally, found the 'check' pun/double meaning/whatever a little corny.