Mother

This is a reworking of my last skit comp entry. I wrote it as a throw away, but I am wondering now whether it might be a keeper. Any views welcome.

LIVING ROOM. DAY

A MARRIED COUPLE ARE ARGUING.

HUSBAND
I am just saying...

WIFE
This is about my mother isn't it?

HUSBAND
Well since you bring it up, yes; yes it is.

WIFE
You agreed she could stay with us.

HUSBAND
I am just not sure this is the best place for her. Not in her condition.

WIFE
Oh, and what condition would that be?

HUSBAND
She's dead!

SHOT OPENS UP TO SHOW THE CORPSE OF AN OLD LADY SAT ON THE SOFA.

WIFE
Oh hold that against her!

HUSBAND
I know you're close, but don't you think she would be happier in a cemetery?

WIFE
You're not putting my mother in one of those places.

HUSBAND
See I bought some brochures. Look at this one. "A plot with a sunny aspect set amid beautifully tended gardens of rest".

WIFE
I can't believe you would go behind my back.

HUSBAND
She could make new friends. People in her own stage of decomposition.

WIFE
She's happy here with us.

HUSBAND
I just think you need to let go. Sever the apron strings.

WIFE
Right. And when we're both at work all day who's going to look after the children?

HUSBAND
There is that.

SHOT OPENS UP AGAIN. A LITTLE GIRL IS PLAYING WITH THE CORPSE. SHE HOLDS SOMETHING UP.

LITTLE GIRL
Look mum, nana's got maggots.

END.

I think it's a keeper(imho). Enjoyed this in the comp.

Like it a lot, Timbo. I think I'd prefer if the roles of the husband and wife were switched though - it would certainly make the "apron strings" line more appropriate.

Also, something like this might make for a funnier ending...

WIFE:
And what about while we're at work? Do you really want the kids hanging around a corpse all day?

SHOT OPENS UP AGAIN. A LITTLE GIRL IS PLAYING WITH THE BODY. SHE HOLDS SOMETHING UP.

LITTLE GIRL
Look mum, nana's got maggots.

HUSBAND:
See, she's playing!

Quote: scratchyr @ August 3 2010, 3:11 PM BST

I think it's a keeper(imho). Enjoyed this in the comp.

View original

Cheers. (And thanks for the vote.)

Quote: David Bussell @ August 3 2010, 3:17 PM BST

Like it a lot, Timbo. I think I'd prefer if the roles of the husband and wife were switched though - it would certainly make the "apron strings" line more appropriate.

Also, something like this might make for a funnier ending...

WIFE:
And what about while we're at work? Do you really want the kids hanging around a corpse all day?

SHOT OPENS UP AGAIN. A LITTLE GIRL IS PLAYING WITH THE BODY. SHE HOLDS SOMETHING UP.

LITTLE GIRL
Look mum, nana's got maggots.

HUSBAND:
See, she's playing!

View original

Interesting thoughts. I shall ponder.

Excelent very funny and surprisingly convincing

I thought it was very good. Now I'll have to up the anti.

I liked it up to here:

HUSBAND
She's dead!

SHOT OPENS UP TO SHOW THE CORPSE OF AN OLD LADY SAT ON THE SOFA.

After that, I don't think the rest topped the reveal and it fizzled out. Obviously, ending on that reveal wouldn't work, so, I'd say, make the following bit a tad snappier with some stronger laughs. Or, hell, some more reveals which get increasingly insane.

I thought this was really good.

I don't know why but I was hoping there'd be a twist at the end like the Husband has with his own Parent cadaver, maybe using his dad as a Coatstand. or something.

Cheers all.

Quote: Ben @ August 3 2010, 7:39 PM BST

I liked it up to here:

HUSBAND
She's dead!

SHOT OPENS UP TO SHOW THE CORPSE OF AN OLD LADY SAT ON THE SOFA.

After that, I don't think the rest topped the reveal and it fizzled out. Obviously, ending on that reveal wouldn't work, so, I'd say, make the following bit a tad snappier with some stronger laughs. Or, hell, some more reveals which get increasingly insane.

View original

Yes I did wonder if the sketch could survive the early reveal; the reveal does not make a sketch in itself but it is hard to top. I do quite like the "who's going to look after the kids" punch though (I know quite a few couples who depend on mum for childcare.)