Stag Don't

Continuing in my mission to class this place up a bit...

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

DEL ENTERS THE HOUSE CARRYING A SUITCASE. HIS FIANCE, JULIE, AWAITS.

JULIE:
Well, how was it?

DEL:
Hey, hon! Yeah, it were a good stag.

JULIE:
And you didn't get up to anything?

DEL:
Like what?

JULIE:
What do you think?

DEL:
No, it were just a bunch of mates having a good time, that's all!

JULIE:
Right. And you didn't go to the red light district?

DEL:
Nowhere near it!

WITHOUT ANSWERING, JULIE LOWERS HER GAZE. CONFUSED, DEL FOLLOWS.

HE HAS A HOOKER ATTACHED TO HIS PENIS.

DEL (CONT):
No wonder the flight back was so expensive!

END SKETCH

Very nice.

Could vision this playing out with cheery sitcom music and both performers smiling at camera in frozen glaze.

Would it be funnier if the prostitute was dead?

Quote: sootyj @ August 3 2010, 12:06 PM BST

Would it be funnier if the prostitute was dead?

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No it wouldn't.

I'd prefer her not to be a hooker but a girl from another stag do - with the usual pink paraphernalia, L-plates, devil's horns, etc.

(This excellent sketch puts me in mind of a joke Townes Van Zandt (re-)tells on his Live at the Old Quarter album from 1973:

Fella runs up to a policeman and says, 'Officer, they stole my car.'
The policeman asks, 'Where was it, sir?'.
The man says, 'On the end of this key'.
The policeman says, 'Sir, your fly's undone.'
The fella says, 'Oh man, they got my girlfriend too.')

Quote: sootyj @ August 3 2010, 12:06 PM BST

Would it be funnier if the prostitute was dead?

View original

I think this might be one of those rare instances where the answer is no.

In fact, I think I'd like her to give Julie a polite little wave just to show how alive she is.

Quote: JohnnyD @ August 3 2010, 12:26 PM BST

I'd prefer her not to be a hooker but a girl from another stag do - with the usual pink paraphernalia, L-plates, devil's horns, etc.

(This excellent sketch puts me in mind of a joke Townes Van Zandt (re-)tells on his Live at the Old Quarter album from 1973:

Fella runs up to a policeman and says, 'Officer, they stole my car.'
The policeman asks, 'Where was it, sir?'.
The man says, 'On the end of this key'.
The policeman says, 'Sir, your fly's undone.'
The fella says, 'Oh man, they got my girlfriend too.')

View original

Thanks for reading, JohnnyD.

Not sure why a hen would be funnier than a hooker. Just seems overly complicated to me.

Nice joke from Van Zandt there.

I am looking forward to seeing how you film this one. Precisely what fixing point did you have in mind for the attachment?

Quote: Timbo @ August 3 2010, 2:55 PM BST

I am looking forward to seeing how you film this one. Precisely what fixing point did you have in mind for the attachment?

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I see her bent over doggy style with her rear backed up to his junk. Nothing too naughty on show.

Ah that make sense. I was picturing her with her mouth full.

Nice idea, not sure about the airline ticket punch.

Quote: Timbo @ August 3 2010, 3:20 PM BST

Ah that make sense. I was picturing her with her mouth full.

Nice idea, not sure about the airline ticket punch.

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Yeah, maybe it's not needed. I do like me a capper though.

I think you need to seed they have been to Amsterdam for the flight bit to work at t'end. And also maybe a better line for the punch. Also (sorry about the alsos) it woulod be hard to film as written, would it be better him seated at a pub table the fiancee then walks up to him, then the reveal there is a hooker under the table.
Oh...She's just a kissagram.
She has your cock in her mouth.
Yes she's french.

Ok not that But under the table would be easier to shoot. If you see what I mean.

Quote: Marc P @ August 3 2010, 3:28 PM BST

I think you need to seed they have been to Amsterdam for the flight bit to work at t'end. And also maybe a better line for the punch. Also (sorry about the alsos) it woulod be hard to film as written, would it be better him seated at a pub table the fiancee then walks up to him, then the reveal there is a hooker under the table.
Oh...She's just a kissagram.
She has your cock in her mouth.
Yes she's french.

Ok not that But under the table would be easier to shoot. If you see what I mean.

View original

I was thinking Prague myself, but I take the point about making the flight explicit earlier.

I see what you're getting at with the table thing, it just strikes me at a bit odd that they'd meet at a pub immediately following his return home.

She has gone to the stag do because she doesn't trust him would be the logic were it to be in a pub.

Who have you got lined up to play the hooker?

Quote: Marc P @ August 3 2010, 3:35 PM BST

Who have you got lined up to play the hooker?

View original

Stott?

Quote: Timbo @ August 3 2010, 3:39 PM BST

Stott?

View original

I don't charge for these potatoes.

Quote: Marc P @ August 3 2010, 3:35 PM BST

She has gone to the stag do because she doesn't trust him would be the logic were it to be in a pub.

Who have you got lined up to play the hooker?

View original

Ah, I see. Not sure about her trekking all the way to Prague. I like the idea of him somehow travelling all the way back to the UK without realising he has a hooker on his dong.

I'd probably use my girlfriend to play the hooker - she's done it before...

http://yobi.tv/yobilaugh/vlog/457/DavidBussell/Thanks_from_the_2010_Yobi_Laughs_Winner

Quote: Matthew Stott @ August 3 2010, 3:41 PM BST

I don't charge for these potatoes.

View original

See, now that's when an 'e' in potato is appropriate.

I saw that one lol