maybe McDonald's could come in too
Auction Page 2
Quote: Frankie Rage @ July 30 2010, 9:48 PM BSTStream of conciousness, man!
But really, Frankie, is it? Seems more like an evolution of what had gone before. Unless Scratchyr is wired different to me and thee.
Quote: bushbaby @ July 30 2010, 10:54 PM BSTmaybe McDonald's could come in too
How? I can't see how that would fit...
Quote: Ben @ July 30 2010, 11:16 PM BSTBut really, Frankie, is it? Seems more like an evolution of what had gone before. Unless Scratchyr is wired different to me and thee.
Yes OK I agree, by moving on from the vindaloo to the cream cracker it's an evolution, and one that allows him to have a specific ending, as to carry on after the introduction of the cream cracker would be pointless (unless there is somewhere new to go?)
Equally though, he could leave the cream cracker out of it and just stop at the vindaloo. But that's less satisfying than the cream cracker 'evolution' for somebody who wants a punch line at the end (which he seems to).
And for me too, the cream cracker 'evolution' works better than simply stopping with the vindaloo.
The point I was trying to make is that it doesn't have to have a punchline (big or small). There are no rules (unless you want rules).
Of course, if you're writing sketches to sell on to someone else for commercial use, it's obviously going to be easier to sell something with a rip-roaring punchline.
*Hugs Frankie Lionel Rage*
Quote: Ben @ July 31 2010, 9:06 AM BST*Hugs Frankie Lionel Rage*
Frankie & Ben
Quote: bushbaby @ July 30 2010, 10:54 PM BSTmaybe McDonald's could come in too
Maybe the Clan McDonald could, right at the end.. good call!
AUCTIONEER:
Nagarai there, back with the gentleman in the hat.
BIDDER ON PHONE:
Vindaloo.
AUCTIONEER:
Vindaloo. Anyone care to top that? Vindaloo? Going once, going twice,
AUCTIONEER BANGS HIS HAMMER
AUCTIONEER: (CONT'D)
Moving on, lot number twenty four. A mint condition cream cracker.
Do I hear mild Chedder?
JUST THEN THE CLAN MCDONALD IN FULL REGALIA BURST INTO THE ROOM THROUGH DOUBLE DOORS
HUGHIE MCDONALD:
Stand aside, our boy is coming through!
AUCTIONEER:
Was that a bid?
HUGHIE MCDONALD:
Och, away with yourself..
A HUGE RED-HAIRED, BEARDED SCOTSMAN IN A KILT AND WHITE TEESHIRT WITH THE LEGEND "THE BIG CHEESE" WRITTEN ON IT COMES STRIDING INTO THE ROOM AND TAKES COMMAND. HE LOOKS AROUND MENACINGLY, STARING THE WHOLE ROOM OUT.
HUGE BEARDED MCDONALD:
There'll be no punch-lines here today!
It's a great premise. As was said before, the "will it" if "if its not" structure of the last line doesn't do it any favours. It's a bit too hard to process. But the whole sketch has a lot of performance value so it might not matter. The more "Southerby's" looking the bidders looked in this the better perhaps.
Could it go to a man in the room, who shrugs and says 'I bought it for my Nan'
I liked this. I think its a very good idea and the cream cracker is a satisfying ending for me. I could see that definitely working.
I also liked Franks very Pythonesque ending its a good misdirection on McDonalds. I'm not sure how you would get McDonalds the franchise into this as was earlier suggested.
All in all a very good sketch.