Auction

This started out as a revised version of my weapons sketch but turned into something else. Not sure what though.

INT. AUCTION ROOM. DAY.

THE AUCTIONEER IS ADDRESSING THE BIDDERS.

AUCTIONEER:
This is lot number 23. A lovely, fresh twenty first century chicken breast. Now then.
Let's start the bidding at Korma. Anyone? Korma?

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Ok, Korma, I have Korma. Anyone? Anyone?

BIDDER 2 GESTURES.

AUCTIONEER:
Tikka Mussala to the gentleman in the front row. Come on we can do better than that. Just look at this succulent cut of poultry.

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Dupiaza.

AUCTIONEER:
That's more like it. Dupiaza! Can I get a Rogan? Anyone? Rogan Josh, come on.

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Rogan to the man in the hat. Any more for any more? Surely someone can manage Jalfrayzi?

BIDDER 2 GESTURES.

AUCTIONEER:
Super. Jalfrayzi, Jalfrayzi, Jalfrayzi,

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Madras.

AUCTIONEER:
Madras to the gentleman on the phone.

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Nagarai there, back with the gentleman in the hat.

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Vindaloo.

AUCTIONEER:
Vindaloo. Anyone care to top that? Vindaloo? Going once, going twice,

AUCTIONEER BANGS HIS HAMMER

AUCTIONEER: (CONT'D)
Gone to the man on the phone at Vindaloo.

MAN ON PHONE:
Will it be free if it's not delivered in fortyfive minutes?

END.

I was definitely enjoying this one, it seemed to have a nice pace with a funny premise.
At the end I wasn't so sure, but maybe in performance it would work well.

I liked the buildup, but not the ending. You need something cleverer.

Thanks guys. I certainly cannot disagree about the ending. Must try harder.

I've made a new ending.

INT. AUCTION ROOM. DAY.

THE AUCTIONEER IS ADDRESSING THE BIDDERS.

AUCTIONEER:
This is lot number 23. A lovely, fresh twenty first century chicken breast. Now then.
Let's start the bidding at Korma. Anyone? Korma?

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Ok, Korma, I have Korma. Anyone? Anyone?

BIDDER 2 GESTURES.

AUCTIONEER:
Tikka Mussala to the gentleman in the front row. Come on we can do better than that. Just look at this succulent cut of poultry.

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Dupiaza.

AUCTIONEER:
That's more like it. Dupiaza! Can I get a Rogan? Anyone? Rogan Josh, come on.

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Rogan to the man in the hat. Any more for any more? Surely someone can manage Jalfrayzi?

BIDDER 2 GESTURES.

AUCTIONEER:
Super. Jalfrayzi, Jalfrayzi, Jalfrayzi,

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Madras.

AUCTIONEER:
Madras to the gentleman on the phone.

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Nagarai there, back with the gentleman in the hat.

BIDDER ON PHONE:
Vindaloo.

AUCTIONEER:
Vindaloo. Anyone care to top that? Vindaloo? Going once, going twice,

AUCTIONEER BANGS HIS HAMMER

AUCTIONEER: (CONT'D)
Moving on, lot number twenty four. A mint condition cream cracker.
Do I hear mild Chedder?

Yeah, that works a bit better. It doesn't really close the sketch, but carries on the sillyness in what I believe experts describe as the 'on and on' ending.

Thanks Ben. Do you think there's a better ending to be had though?

I think it needs a punchline. For me, as an ignorant viewer, I'd want a punchline to explain why they were using curries to barter.. But that's because I'm an ignorant viewer.

Hi Nat. I kind of know what you mean but I enjoy accepting things at face value. Plus, I have no idea why they are doing this.

OR, I'd want it to be moving towards a big punch line of some sort, which you're close to.. but I feel like it's a really good buildup so could have a killer end. But I'm a greedy and demanding consumer. More thing to consume please !

AUCTIONEER:
That's more like it. Dupiaza! Can I get a Rogan? Anyone? Rogan Josh, come on.

BIDDER 1 NODS

AUCTIONEER:
Rogan to the man in the hat. Any more for any more?

BIDDER
Foul!!

AUCTIONEER
I know.

BIDDER
No, foul as in foul. Rogan Josh is lamb not fowl.

I have to admit, Scratchy, that I like sketches that end with some sort of punchline, be it visual or spoken, but there's plenty of sketches which end like yours.

I was hoping that poppadom would get a mention, the sketch however was ok.

Don't be too obsessed with big punch lines, they have canned laughter.. where would modern TV comedy be without it?

I liked the cream cracker ending best. Stream of conciousness, man!

Was not sure about this one, but the cream cracker ending makes it work.