I'm filming this in a couple of weeks against a green screen. It's the lesser known Blue Squadron flying home at the end of Star Wars.
X-Wing: Blue Squadron
I like the idea and it'll be interesting to see how it looks. I think the sketch could be cut down a bit - there's a fair bit of banter which could be lost.
The only negative is... it's another Star Wars sketch poking fun at the series. I think the internet is already at saturation point with them, to be honest.
It possibly does need a trim, currently it'll be 3 minutes long which isn't too bad. Hopefully I'll realise which bits are waffle before we shoot!
Which bits do you think are banter?
The Star Wars angle I don't think is such a problem, they'll always be people wanting to see them (if they're good). My last couple of videos have been original characters and they hardly got any views. If I do Star Wars it'll get hits.... plus I'm CG'ing my friends into X-Wings which will be kind of cool even if it sucks.
Just as a first pass, can prob refine even more. I'd cut it down to
EXT. SPACE, DEATH STAR.
The Death Star explodes in the distance, several squadrons of X-Wings are flying away.
LEADER
Whooooo!! Great job Blue Squadron!
ONE
Roger that Blue leader! Get in!
External shot of the X-Wings in formation. Crunching gear change joke.
ONE
What are you guys doing later? We should go clubbing!
LEADER
Negative Blue One. What about the big medal ceremony?
ONE
You aint gonna get a medal!
LEADER
I might! And afterwards there's a Disco and a buffet. They've got Pork
Pies, Sausage Rolls... those little mini Quiches.
TWO
Mmmm. That does sound pretty floopty doopty!
ONE
Oh come on! I need someone to go clubbing with.
LEADER
Why don't you go with Wedge?
ONE
Wedge?! Wedge is an A-hole!
LEADER
Alright, Porkins?
ONE
Porkins is a fat Bastard, he'll be at the Buffet. Plus... I think he might
be dead.
In the background a spinning Tie-Fighter appears, it hits into the back of ONE and then ricochets off.
ONE
Whoah! Some Schmohawk just rammed into me!
LEADER
There goes your 'no claims'.
ONE
I think it was... Darth Vader!
TWO
A collision with the Big Dog?! You'll probably get a medal for that.
LEADER
He better not!
TWO
And also you might get some Princess booby action.
ONE
Really?!
TWO
She loves a bit of rough.
LEADER
My sensors show that Vader's ship is damaged. We should go after him. Make sure this kind of 'Death Star' nonsense never happens again!
ONE
We could do that. But we don't want to be late for the medal ceremony.
TWO
Ya! And I don't want to miss out on those Mini Quiches! ...Porkins might
not be dead.
LEADER
Alright fine!
The X-Wings fly off leaving Vader to escape.
THE END
Ha, took me a while to work out what you'd cut. Which is probably a good sign!
You cut the targeting computer bit which was the initial inspiration for this sketch and therefore I had a bit of an emotional attachment to it (you know what I mean!)
Very interesting. Thanks Gav, I shall think about that.
Nice script. Don't f**k it up.
Haha thanks, but I can't make those kind of promises!
Didn't like this much. Seems like X wing pilots being sort of wacky and not much else.
Sorry.
Quote: sootyj @ July 28 2010, 9:02 PM BSTDidn't like this much. Seems like X wing pilots being sort of wacky and not much else.
Sorry.
No problem, and that's exactly what it is!
I really like it, several bits made me chuckle and I can see it quite easily in my mind's eye which I think means that it has strong visuals.
Will be really interested to see the final version.
Quote: Tony Cowards @ July 29 2010, 12:52 PM BSTI really like it, several bits made me chuckle and I can see it quite easily in my mind's eye which I think means that it has strong visuals.
Thanks Tony, I'm glad such a prolific chuckle-merchant such as yourself enjoyed it. As your Highworth based (still?) perhaps there's some project we can work on together after your Edinburgh show?
Quote: sootyj @ July 28 2010, 9:02 PM BSTDidn't like this much. Seems like X wing pilots being sort of wacky and not much else.
To further add to this. It will try and keep a semi-serious movie tone. A lot of the dialogue needs (V.O.) as the lines are spoken over the radio comms. sort of subtley in the background so I think that will lessen the wackyness of it all.
Gavin's cut has grown on me, going to shoot that and record/release the Targeting system lines as a deleted scene.
I like the idea. And some good chuckles. Although I think your angle should be the other X Wing pilots' relationship with golden-boy Skywalker. So Skywalker makes an appearance after their piss taking. They all hush, deny anything is going on that evening. Turns out that R2D2 has been invited too........luke tries to 'tease' the club location out of R2D2's by bashing his head against another X Wing etc
I would like to see this Shoepie. As a Star Wars fan I would enjoy it and as a comedy fan too. Although it is X-Wing pilots dicking about, It's still funny (to me). Can't wait to see the finished product.
Quote: ShoePie @ July 29 2010, 8:38 PM BSTThanks Tony, I'm glad such a prolific chuckle-merchant such as yourself enjoyed it. As your Highworth based (still?) perhaps there's some project we can work on together after your Edinburgh show?
Sorry ShoePie, only just spotted this. Yes I'm still in Wiltshire, would be happy to be involved in something after Edinburgh, send me an email, tonycowards@hotmail.com with any details.