Lighter Comedy sketch

Hi Everyone

I posted a dark comedy sketch from my website ( www.loveofthedark.co.uk ) the other day.

Here is another one - critisism is more than welcome:

A day at the Circus

INT: Large Circus Tent

The floor is covered in hay; Clowns are running around in circles bumping into each other. All of a sudden Texas Joe runs into the floor pretending to shoot members of the audience with a cap gun.

Texas Joe: Hey Y’all, Have you enjoyed the show?

The crowd are going completely mad.

Crowd: Yeeeeaaaahhhh (Wolf whistles)

Texas Joe: I’m sorry folks but this is the last act of the show

Crowd: Awwwweeeee

Texas Joe: No no – don’t worry guys because Cannon ball Jimmy (shouts very loud)ROCKKKK

Crowd cheer and sound very excited. Jimmy walks on and climbs into the cannon, the cannon raises as the drum roll procedes.

Texas Joe: Are yooouuu ready???

Crowd: Yeeeeaaaahhhhh

Texas Joe: Drum roll….

Drum Roll

Texas Joe: 10….9…..8…..

Crowd: 7…6…..5…..4….3……2…..1

The Cannon’BANG’ Jimmy flies out at a ridiculas speed, zooms about 30 foot above the top of the safety net and shoots straight through the top of the tent.

Jimmy Rock: AAAAARRRRRRrrggggggghhhhhhhh (quieter as the scream continues)

Texas Joe looks completely shocked but turns around and puts a show face on.

Texas Joe: (Shouts) Hows that for a finally!!!

Crowd are completely crazed with excitement

Screen = Blank

Ext: Field

A shot of a tree on the roadside, the circus tent is in the distance. A family driving home from the circus. Camera shoots to them driving off, then zooms into the tree, Jimmy is in the tree, Elvis costume in tatters, covered in wounds.

Jimmy: (Faint voice) heeeellllppppp

Screen = Blank

There is a sound in the background ‘THUD’.

Very good I liked the end with mangled daredevil lol
not much crit I can give mate it's good I enjoyed it

i like the build up, i mean it was quite obvious all the way through that something was going to go wrong, the human apature was never built to be fired from a cannon, it builds up to it nicely, i like the contrast between the loud, rowdy, energy filled tent with the quiet, roadside in a residentual place, i like, well done.

I liked it too thought it was very satisfying. If anything I would say why not make a bit of a bigger deal that something has gone wrong just a bit. You'll have to be careful, too much would spoil it but I think it is worth dragging out the silence just a bit longer maybe, and I don't know, maybe having the Texan signal to someone off stage something like "get help" or "phone his family". Just a thought, that's all.

I don't know if any one remembers Monkey Dust the animation on BBC Three but this sketch reminds me of it, very good.

Sorry, but I didn't get it.

Hi Jon

I like this in the context of your show, though I am expecting the story to be progressed later on. Hopefully it's not a standalone sketch as, although it works, I've a sense of anticipation as to where the stories are going both from the 'ringmaster' and the 'human cannonball' himself.

Dan

Thanks fella, I was going to have this as a one off but I'll get my thinking cap on now he he he cheers

Thanks everyone, I feel better about my writing now )