Drugs?

Hi guys, I'm pretty new here and I just had this idea for a sketch during the middle of the night, it might be a pile of dog plops, but I just thought I'd see what you guys thought of it. It's a bit surreal, but hopefully it's somewhat funny.

FOUR YOUNG TEENAGERS, SEEMINGLY VOID OF ANY SIGNIFICANT EMOTION, ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IN A RATHER DECORATIVE AND WELL KEPT LIVING ROOM.

JOE: God, I'm starving.

MARK: Yeah, me too. Do you guys fancy a curry or something?

JOE: Nah, we had one last Wednesday. Sick of curry.

LEE: What about some Chinese? I could go for some Sweet & Sour chicken.

JOE: Ugh, boring. That stuff doesn't fill you up, I'm famished here. I don't know. I want to try something a bit different.

LEE: There's a new Fish & Chip shop opened up down the road, we could go there?

JOE: No, their chips make me ill.

MARK: What about Greek?

JOE: Are you high?

ED: Oh. Drugs!

MARK: Drugs?

ED: Yeah, drugs. I know a place. Does the best drugs. Proper tasty drugs.

MARK: What are you on about? We're not getting drugs. We're talking about food.

ED: Yeah, drugs. Drugs is a food, you idiot. It goes in your mouth.

MARK: We're not getting drugs. I'm gonna order us a pizza.

JOE: (Licks Lips) Actually, I could go for some drugs.

MARK: What?!

JOE: I'm hungry! Ed, do they do smack?

ED: They do smack, they do weed, the whole shabang.

MARK: Smack? Do you even eat smack?

JOE: Tell you what, get me a carton of smack... and some... skunk?

ED: No worries. Do you want magic mushies with that, or...?

JOE: Yeah, pop a few on there.

ED: What about you, Lee. Drugs?

LEE: Well, yeah, I guess. I mean if every one else is.

ED: What do you want?

LEE: God, I haven't had drugs in ages, what do I want? I'll play it safe I think, just put me down for some Benylin and a few Lockets.

ED: Lightweight.

LEE: I used to have it when I was a kid, it's all I know!

JOE: How big are the smack packs?

ED: Pretty hefty.

JOE: Ok, Lee, you can share my smack pack.

MARK: Sorry, 'smack packs'? Is this actually what's happening?

ED: Looks like it. What, aren't you hungry?

MARK: Yes! But, this is ridiculous, I mean...

MOTHER: (off-screen) Are you boy's ordering food?

ED: (dejected) Yes, mum.

MOTHER: (off-screen) Well don't, I'm cooking you up some meth for your tea.

ED: (dejected) But we're hungry.

MOTHER: Well your dad's got some Psychoactive Toads in the fridge. You can have a lick on one. ONE, mind.

(PAUSE)

MARK: Ooh, you didn't tell me you had toads. Are they Japanese Psychoactive Toads?

ED: Mum, are they Japanese Psychoactive Toads?

MOTHER: (off-screen) Hungarian.

(PAUSE)

MARK: I'm down for a lick.

That's plenty sweet nice characterisation, good lines and a very strong idea. Yep that's good as written performed I could envision it getting an even better response.

Only thought Iceland gag somehere in there?

Agree with sootyj. A really good idea, nice twist on the subject and well tackled.

It didn't really work for me. Maybe if they teenagers were hungry and thought drugs were the answer to suppress their appetite, it would make a bit more sense. I think 4 characters are too many too. You could probably lose Joe quite easily as he doesn't add much. Maybe lose Lee too - it could be a snappier piece of work if you had Mark (anti drugs) vs Ed (pro drugs).

I thought this passage of dialogue was a bit awkward:

MARK: What about Greek?

JOE: Are you high?

ED: Oh. Drugs!

MARK: Drugs?

ED: Yeah, drugs. I know a place. Does the best drugs. Proper tasty drugs.

The way you've gone from Greek to drugs isn't very realistic. Suggesting you have to be high to eat Greek seems to be a quick fix to getting to the point of the sketch.

You could probably cut out a few bits of unneccesary dialogue or make them funnier. At the minute it all seems a bit one note.

I thought the Benylin and lockets gag was good.

Hey guys, thanks for your critique. I agree that it certainly needs editing down, I think I can do more with the idea, it just needs to be a bit punchier and straight to the point.

Like this a lot, think the interplay between all the characters works well, sure I've had similar conversations though our local Drugs resturant closed down so we normally go Thai!

Gonna disagree with the erstwhile Ben here, but I love the 'are you high?' and feel it's a common exageration used in list comedy of this type, works well. Maybe the punch is where mum says a about the toads. All feels very natural.

Good stuff, get yourself a video camera and get it filmed.

I completely disagree with Ben. One of the main reasons it's funny is that Mark is so outnumbered. I very much enjoyed it and I think it's a style I very much connect with.

I think you should end on mum's line but edit it down to "You'd better not be ordering any food, I'm cooking meth for tea". and then leave it there. Keeps the twist as the punchline, leaves the sketch on a 'high' (ba dumm tsscchhh).

Ooh and at one point, one of them should pull out a chinese takeaway style menu.

I was actually thinking about ending it on the mother's line, but I wasn't sure if it was actually funny enough but I definitely think it could be shortened

Oh I think it's definitely funny enough. It's always nice to end on a twist.

Lovely dialogue, only criticism is that Mark disappears for too long in the middle, whereas his bafflement should be at the centre of the sketch.

I would end on the mother's saying "ONE mind", then have the boys go, "Awwww."