*Cough* My attempt at serious poetry. Really.

You all know I am obsessed with this subject so firstly thanks beforehand for letting me garble on AGAIN...

Ok I am no Poet but I dab. True opinions please as I may send these off.

Dear Fellow Civilians.

You don’t know my soldier, the things that he enjoys
Like joking & giggling & boys being boys
You don’t see through his eyes, nor hear from his ears
His desires, his hopes nor share in his fears
You don’t know my soldier, you do not have a clue
But my soldier is prepared to fight for his country, for you

You don’t know my soldier, the way his voice sounds
Yet maybe at some point, you have seen him around.
He is the one in the green uniform,whose wave is a salute
He is the one with the helmet & black shiny boots
You don’t know my soldier, but can you try to understand
My soldier is prepared to die, to protect our free land.

You don’t know my soldier, the way he cries in his sleep
For the comrades he has lost and the memories he keeps
You don’t hear the sadness, nor witness his pride
For all of his lost comrades on his rollercoaster ride
You don’t know my soldier & how he has a job to do
His volunteering means a choice for your child & you.

You don’t know my soldier, but if you see him in a crowd
Please tell him to come home safe & that you are proud
Tell him despite any political views despite all of that
You are thinking about him, shake his hand & have a chat
Then you will know my soldier & he will know you
Fellow civilians that is all, I his mother ask, that you do.

Dear Fellow Mother

I have never met you and you neither me
Our children will meet though, on a fated journey
We will both be thinking the exact same things
I hope when their paths cross it’s my son that wins
It saddens me greatly, this damn fated plight
Your son & my son, only one wins the fight
I know who you prey for & I understand
We are the same, us mothers just in different lands
My Son is my world as I am sure so is yours
They are fighting on different sides for a cause
A cause that has forced their paths to cross
Each of us mothers hoping it is not to our loss
So from this mother to you, who I will never see
One of us will be heartbroken, I hope it’s not me
I send you my respect & my thoughts as a mum
As we both hold our breath, for when that time comes

That brought tears to my eyes. It's not about war and people's view on that but about the love, pride and fear for your child.
I thought that the one to the other mother was so from the heart and wonderful in its sadness that one of them may not come home but you hope that it's not your son. Naturally.
Send them off(I haven't got a clue where, though).
I hope that your son comes home to you soon. xxxx

Charley - that really was brilliant!!! Really heart felt and truthful!

Very beautiful, and certainly more touching than Andrew Motion's attempts at war poetry.

Yes Charley ... good stuff!

I do like a good pome!!

It's from the heart, and that's where all the best writing comes from...

Stay away from poems to do with war, that's what I've been told on my Creative Writing course, too much sentimental mush that has been done too much.

Not bad though in my opinion.

You keep writing what you want to write Charley, because it comes from the heart and for me that's the beauty of poetry.

Really nice Charley, really nice.

Cheers guys. Like I said I am no poet I dont know enough beautiful words.

Martin all poetry is sentimental mush. Wether it be about love, war, peace or life. Its a way to get the goo out of yourself.

I wrote them for my son. It's a gift, something hopefuly he will keep. They dont have to be brilliant just thoughts. Hopefuly that will outlive me & my great grandchildren. There is also a high possibility that they end up in a bin. But hey there goes the risk of any writing.

I think they need some tweaks so I am going to relook them.
Then I will send them off. To my son!!

Thanks Marion, for your kind words. ....

Quote: Charley @ November 8, 2007, 2:34 PM

Cheers guys. Like I said I am no poet I dont know enough beautiful words.

View original

You don't need to be a thesaurus to write poetry. Write what you feel, we can all see your feelings in this, no need to hide behind pretentious bull.

I got my words worth from reading this anyway. (Worlds most 'nothing' pun)

I'm not a fan of poetry but I find the best stuff to be honest and personal (or has lots of swears in, go Larkin). This was both Charley well done

Quote: Charley @ November 8, 2007, 2:34 PM

Cheers guys. Like I said I am no poet I dont know enough beautiful words.

Martin all poetry is sentimental mush. Wether it be about love, war, peace or life. Its a way to get the goo out of yourself.

View original

Yeah, I'm not a big poetry fan myself but we've been doing it recently at Uni and our lecturer tells us to stay away from the sentimental stuff.

A poem is poem in my world and yours are okay.

Quote: Martin Holmes @ November 8, 2007, 6:16 PM

Yeah, I'm not a big poetry fan myself but we've been doing it recently at Uni and our lecturer tells us to stay away from the sentimental stuff.

A poem is poem in my world and yours are okay.

View original

Come on, don't want a fight, but this woman is trying to express her terror, love, hurt, fear, pride in both her son and a sittuation that she, probably, doesn't want and, certainly, has no control over.
I feel hurt for her, hurt for the 'other' mother and a full understanding that war isn't a game at any level (I'm sure that you agree) , least of all that of a woman who's child is out there.
This was a mother to mother, mother to child, mother to anyone that would listen poem.

To say 'poem is a poem' is hurtful.

Hello Charley

Most of my poetry came from songwriting and in a way the first one is more like a lyric. Personally I like the perfect rhymes and would prefer the scanning to be a bit more accurate although in real poetry I know that isn't really necessary.

Anyway - good stuff. Big words aren't necessarily better!

Quote: marion @ November 8, 2007, 7:00 PM

Come on, don't want a fight, but this woman is trying to express her terror, love, hurt, fear, pride in both her son and a sittuation that she, probably, doesn't want and, certainly, has no control over.
I feel hurt for her, hurt for the 'other' mother and a full understanding that war isn't a game at any level (I'm sure that you agree) , least of all that of a woman who's child is out there.
This was a mother to mother, mother to child, mother to anyone that would listen poem.

To say 'poem is a poem' is hurtful.

View original

Sorry, I didn't mean 'a poem is a poem' to come across in a bad way. I was trying to say that I don't really care if you should or should not use 'sentimental' stuff, in my eyes a poem is a poem to matter what direction it takes. If you get me.