CARL, A QUITE DOWNTRODDEN, MID 40'S MAN IS AT A FARM WITH HIS YOUNG DAUGHTER, ISABELLE, LOOKING AT THE HORSES IN THE STABLE. CLAIRE, A FEMALE WORKER AT THE FARM, LATE TEENS, WATCHES ON.
ISABELLE: Ooh, dad, this one's so pretty! I want that one!
CARL: Yeah, but don't you think she might be a bit too big for you? What about the ponies?
ISABELLE: Oh please dad, she's lovely! I promise to love her and take care of her and sing her to sleep every night!
CLAIRE: Aww!
CARL: (SING-SONGY) I dunno...
CLAIRE: Sounds like she wants the horse!
CARL: (TO CLAIRE) Yeah, she's very excited, it's her 10th birthday in a couple of days. So I thought I'd buy my little princess something special. Would this horse be in any way suitable for her?
CLAIRE: Absolutely. Sandy's a Tennessee Walking Horse, so, very gentle and very good with humans.
CARL: Right, and how much would a 'Tennessee Walking Horse' set me back, then?
CLAIRE: Well, Sandy here would cost you around £19,000. But I'm willing to throw in the saddle for free.
CARL: Wow, okay. I mean, cheers, but that's still a little bit out of my price range. Would she able be able to actually ride him?
CLAIRE: Yes, like I said, Sandy's very gentle.
CARL: Indeed. Would I be able to ride her as well?
CLAIRE: Oh, definitely, yes.
CARL: Okay, right, and would I be able to make love to this horse?
CLAIRE: Yea... er, what?
CARL: The horse. Would I be able to make sweet love to a horse like this, or is that...?
CLAIRE: Well, generally, no.
CARL: Okay, 'cos, at that price, I just figured you could.
CLAIRE: Well, a horse like this... rather, all horses, tend to only mate with a similar species... so...
CARL: Right. That's a bit annoying. And I'm not a similar species?
CLAIRE: No sir, you're not, I'm afraid.
CARL: Okay. So of an evening, I couldn't just buy some red wine, candles...
CLAIRE: Well, Sandy is a male. And even if you wanted to, the logistics of it, would be... well, extremely unhygienic, as well as uncomfortable. For the horse, I mean.
CARL: Okay. So it couldn't make love to me either?
CLAIRE: No, it wouldn't really know where to start, I'm afraid.
CARL: Right. It's just I'm going through a divorce, so...
CLAIRE: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
(PAUSE)
CARL: No problem. Okay, well, Isabelle, do you still want this one?
ISABELLE: Yeah!
CARL: She still wants the horse. Let's get the horse then. Let's get you that horse.
CARL, ISABELLE AND CLAIRE BEGIN WALKING OFF-SCREEN.
CARL: What about those pigs?
CLAIRE: They're not for sale.