NJ : That wasn't what I ordered

Fail :

Miles - If music is the food of love, David Sharpe must have felt he'd eaten a really dodgy, tuneless prawn cocktail when he first heard Tom Jones' new album. We eavesdrop on the moment he first gets the delivery.

Sound of doorbell

DAVID SHARPE:
Hi there

WOMAN:
Hello, sorry about the delay. I've got your Tom Jones record but I'm afraid there are a few substitutions.

DAVID SHARPE
Ok

WOMAN:
Track 1, I think you ordered Sex Me Up?

DAVID SHARPE:
Yes

WOMAN:
Tom has substituted it with O Come All Ye Faithful.

DAVID SHARPE:
Oh dear, are there any others?

WOMAN:
Yes, there were no Knee Tremblers or Love Sweats so we've got Silent Night and The Lord is My Shepherd.

DAVID SHARPE:
No, no, this isn't what I ordered. This is more Aled Jones than Tom Jones, I'm afraid you're going to have to take it back.

WOMAN:
(panicking) Don't forget, you've got a million pound discount on the record.

DAVID SHARPE:
Why?

WOMAN:
I got stuck in traffic and was over an hour late delivering the master.

Well, it may be an hilarious punch line but I am clearly too thick to get it!

Welcome aboard anyway, Ishy. I am a 'persona non gratis' for much of the time, so take no heed of me whatsoever!

Frankie xxx

Quote: Frankie Rage @ July 16 2010, 12:40 AM BST

Well, it may be an hilarious punch line but I am clearly too thick to get it!

Welcome aboard anyway, Ishy. I am a 'persona non gratis' for much of the time, so take no heed of me whatsoever!

Frankie xxx

View original

Thanks Frankie. The sketch was based around online shopping and how the substitutions you get never match what you ordered. The "hilarious" punchline related to the fact that if they're late you often get a discount.

Obviously having to explain it means it's failed pretty miserably

Onwards and upwards though

cheers

Ishy

Quote: Ishy @ July 16 2010, 6:28 AM BST

Thanks Frankie. The sketch was based around online shopping and how the substitutions you get never match what you ordered. The "hilarious" punchline related to the fact that if they're late you often get a discount.

View original

Hi Ishy

You need to make this clearer. Maybe start with him complaining about Tesco giving him the wrong stuff to set the scene?

It also doesn't get funnier with each line, which it needs to. Exaggerate more with each line to 'up the stakes', until the last suggestion is so ridiculous it's funny, finishing with:
-- 'But that's nothing like <whatever>'
-- '<hilarious final punchline>'

Dan

Good advice from the others Ishy. This was a good premise but how many people would know who david Sharpe is?

Excelent sketch spoiled by a punchline that was hard to get. But yeh very good idea.

Agree with SootyJ.

Really good idea, very funny but needed a stronger payoff.