2 Treason Show Submissions

Here's a couple of Treason show submissions I boshed together this evening and sent off. I've not been particularly lucky with TS but I thought I'd have another crack at it.

RUBBISH WAXWORK
---------------
An actor is stood perfectly still on stage playing the part of the Waxwork David Cameron. Sam Cameron is unveiling it.

COMPERE
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mrs Samantha Cameron!

SAM
Thank you! Thank you! I'm as proud as F**k! to be here today at Madame Tussauds to unveil this waxwork replica of my Husband, David.

REPORTER
Mrs Cameron. How accurate is the model?

SAM
It looks exactly like him! Except... it doesn't have that thing on his Penis.

REPORTER
What thing?

SAM
Nick Clegg.

REPORTER
I hope you don't mind. This is a bit of a silly question...

SAM
That's OK.

REPORTER
Who would win in a fight between your husband and a Brontosaurus?

SAM
OK, no more silly questions!

REPORTER
Can we get a quick photo of you kissing the waxwork?

SAM
Oh, go on then!

Sam places a kiss on the waxwork's cheek. Reporter mimes taking a photo with an imaginary camera.

REPORTER
That's it, hold that pose for a second. And... Perfect! Now try popping your tongue in his ear.

SAM
Pardon?

REPORTER
And...if you could just cup his balls.

SAM
You pervert! You don't even have a camera! You're just miming one!

RUBBISH SPY MEETING
-------------------
Dave is sat on a park bench reading a news paper. A Russian Femme Fatale wearing dark sunglasses, acting suspicious, sits next to him. She leans over.

ANNA
Could we have met in Beijing in 2004?

DAVE
Pardon?

Anna looks around to see if anyone is watching.

ANNA
Could we have met in Beijing in 2004?

DAVE
No, I've never been to China.

Anna lowers her sunglasses.

ANNA
It is me, Anna! The secret Russian Spy! You have to respond with the correct pass-phrase.

DAVE
I think you've got the wrong person.

ANNA
Thank you! Was that really so difficult?!

DAVE
Wait! The secret pass-phrase is "I think you've got the wrong person"?

ANNA
I would have also accepted "Leave me alone you crazy bitch!" I have contacted you today because I have uncovered some top secret information.

DAVE
Really?

ANNA
The President of the United States...

Anna looks around to see if anyone is watching.

DAVE
Yeah?

ANNA
...I have found out that he is...

Anna looks around to see if anyone is watching. She leans in.

DAVE
What?! Tell me!

ANNA
A Black Man!

DAVE
...That's it?! That's all you've discovered!?

ANNA
It's not easy! All our spy equipment is so old! I'm still using a first generation iPhone! It's about as sexy as Roger Moore in a Speedo.

DAVE
Why don't you upgrade to a new iPhone?

ANNA
Because even the entire Russian military budget can't afford those 24 month contracts.

Hey ShoePie

I like the first one -- nice idea behind it. Maybe you need to take it to the extreme. Go all out for a blowjob and/or threesome with a George Osbourne waxwork/real model before she questions it.

Second one starts really and I like the 1st gen iPod idea but think it needs a bit more content/point. Make it a bit longer maybe.

Dan

I like the first one some very snappy repartee and good gags. But too many diversions more like a collection of gags than a sketch. You may need to bring it together as a whole more.

Second one is very neat and also very News Revue. I like it a lot. I'd just make the punch a little tighter just mention the price not the military budget

Thanks Dan, The first is my fave but I wish I had a better ending, I thought about going a bit more rude but I just couldn't bring myself to do it!

I'm definitely going to re-use the "Can I ask a silly question"/BrontoSaurus bit in another sketch. I'm particularily fond of that line

The second one ran out of steam and then I lost focus and started iPhone bashing. I knew I should have kept to the point... not that I particularily had one. but my willpower let me down

#stuffs face on a Cake#

Quote: sootyj @ July 2 2010, 11:58 AM BST

I like the first one some very snappy repartee and good gags. But too many diversions more like a collection of gags than a sketch. You may need to bring it together as a whole more.

View original

Cheers SootyJ, I know what you mean. I think it would have come across better if there were a gaggle(?) of reporters chipping in with unconnected questions, as opposed to just the 1 reporter. But I think TS only has 3 actors?

Quote: sootyj @ July 2 2010, 11:58 AM BST

I'd just make the punch a little tighter just mention the price not the military budget

View original

Thanks, yeah that's much better. I chopped and changed that line for ages but never considered dropping the military bit. makes it much less complicated.

Hi Shoepie,

good stuff, just a couple of suggestions, please feel free to ignore.

Perhaps Sam Cam puts her tongue in the ear and goes 'Eurgh.... wax!'
Also, I'm not sure why it's an imaginary camera, maybe change it to a mobile phone's camera and he can be trying to get a photo up her skirt?

I think Roger Moore looks quite good in a speedo, so I'd have gone with Putin with his shirt off.

Regarding the old equipment line, perhaps she could say something like 'all they've given me is an umbrella that doesn't open and a tea cup from Yo Sushi'

Rubbish Waxwork was on this months T/S.
A shortened version, cut off at the Nick Clegg line.
Got a good response.

Quote: Fubsy @ July 11 2010, 5:40 PM BST

Rubbish Waxwork was on this months T/S.
A shortened version, cut off at the Nick Clegg line.
Got a good response.

View original

Coool I'll take that! Thanks for letting me know how it went down Fubsy.

Quote: AngieBaby @ July 2 2010, 9:07 PM BST

Perhaps Sam Cam puts her tongue in the ear and goes 'Eurgh.... wax!'

View original

I like that line! Thanks Angie baby

I just thought the audience might overlook the imaginary camera as something that just happens in stage shows, because the actors are pretending, and none of it is real anyway. But then have the character notice.... I know that's a terrible explanation. made sense when I wrote it