... and here is the second (same probs) . Once again any suggestions are most welcome.
Please note that the final line is in reference to something from a different sketch - not by me.
_______
MEETING ROOM. INT.
The five members are sat around the table. On the table is a big copy of various promotional materials , such as the logo.
MR STONE:
And finally, if you look to page sixty-eight you will see the official
mascots of the London 2012 Olympic games.
They all flick through their books. JOHN laughs aloud.
MR STONE:
Problem John?
JOHN:
The joke. It's funny.
They all look bemused.
MARCUS:
What joke?
JOHN:
Oh come on. (Points to the image) You didn't seriously fall for this did
you? Look at them! They look like a Tony Hart version of Monsters Inc.
MR STONE:
No John. These are the mascots - Wenlock and Mandeville.
JOHN scratches head.
JOHN:
Wen..lock and Ma...ndeville? Really?
MR STONE:
Really.
MR STONE reveals cuddly toys of the mascots from under the table.
JOHN:
(shocked)
Fu... (enthusiastic) mbs up for getting the kids involved.
JOHN gestures his thumbs up, over emphatically , pandering to the idea.
MR STONE:
Huh?
JOHN:
Letting kids design the mascots, I like it. Really highlights the community
spirit and family orientation of our Olympics.
MR STONE:
What are you talking about? Wenlock and Mandeville were designed by
some of the greatest graphics talents this country has ever produced. Designs this complex don't come easily. Or cheaply for that matter, we had to pay a
six figure sum for their characterisations.
JOHN gives in, slumps in his chair and stops fighting the losing battle. He looks at the logo then back at the mascots.
JOHN:
(dejected)
Of course you did.
TIMOTHY:
(talking down)
You can't put a price on quality , John.
JOHN:
No but you HAVE put a price tag of six billion pounds and rising on this
bloody Olympics. (looks down at the folder of designs) Worth every penny...
JOHN shakes his head. Awkward silence. JOHN looks up.
JOHN:
Are we done here?
MR STONE:
Yes, I think so.
JOHN quickly gets up to leave. MARCUS holds his hand out.
MARCUS:
Wait up. I've got one last thing to mention.
MR STONE:
Go on.
MR STONE looks at JOHN, who sits down.
MARCUS:
The Russian diving team. We've located the perfect training venue for them.
TIMOTHY:
Yes. After much discussion we found somewhere that will feel just like
home to them. So we thought ;
MARCUS:
Where has the most picturesque views to rival those of Mount Elbrus ; the
Vasyugan river...
MR STONE becomes increasingly excited.
WILLIAM:
With iconic architectural masterpieces like the Saint Basil's Cathedral.
Now MR STONE leans forward, JOHN too is intrigued.
TIMOTHY:
And has had huge cultural; social and technological impacts on the world,
mirroring the achievements of Russian greats Tchaikovsky ; Lenin; and
Gagarin alike.
MR STONE:
(very excited)
And?...
There is a pause as MARCUS lets the tension build, as he goes to speak TIMOTHY literally pushes him aside.
TIMOTHY:
Southend.
MARCUS looks over, angered. MR STONE is intrigued.
MR STONE:
Southend?
TIMOTHY:
Southend.
JOHN stands up, throwing his chair back.
JOHN:
That's it. I'm off, I've had enough of all this?
MR STONE:
John sit down, we aren't finished.
JOHN:
I'm sorry Mr Stone but I can't do this anymore. I could deal with the logo;
the thriftless waste of funds ;
JOHN picks up the mascot toys.
JOHN:
..heck even the mascots I could just about tolerate. But basing the Russian
diving team in Southend, now you've gone too far. That's just ridiculous!
He throws the mascot toys back down.
MR STONE:
What's wrong with Southend?
JOHN:
Picturesque views. Beautifully crafted architecture. Huge advances in
technology; art and science. And you want to base them in Southend
SOUTHEND?
TIMOTHY:
Yes, of course.
JOHN:
So who exactly are these Essex based huge cultural influences you speak
so highly of.
TIMOTHY stutters.
TIMOTHY:
Erm.
WILLIAM:
Tina Cousins.
TIMOTHY points and nods reassuringly.
JOHN:
Tina Cousins?!
WILLIAM:
Yeah, you know. (starts to sing) But I'm just killin' time since you went away
all I have are memories and every day they fade I'm the l-
JOHN:
(sighing)
I know who she is.
WILLIAM stops his singing and bows his head.
MARCUS:
Lee Evans went to school in Billericay.
WILLIAM:
Oh and James Bourne.
MR STONE:
Who's he?
WILLIAM:
(visibly excited)
Busted!
MR STONE:
Oh yeah, I liked them.
JOHN:
Mr Stone. You cannot seriously be considering Southend?! These people
aren't catalysts for British or world achievement.
TIMOTHY:
Lee Evans performed in front of over 10,000 people.
JOHN:
Putin governs over 140 million!
MARCUS:
Yeah but Busted won TWO brit awards.
MR STONE:
He's got a point there John.
JOHN sighs with discontent. TIMOTHY is unimpressed that MARCUS won MR STONE's praise.
WILLIAM raises his hand, like a school child.
WILLIAM:
(to TIMOTHY and MARCUS)
Don't forget the other reason you two chose Southend?
MR STONE is on the edge of his seat.
MR STONE:
What's that?
WILLIAM:
The locals in both places are constantly drinking.
TIMOTHY and MARCUS both nudge WILLIAM.
TIMOTHY & MARCUS:
Shut up William.
JOHN runs hand through hair and breathes deep.
JOHN:
Right well , if you lot want to sit around in your squalor and destroy
this Olympics then be my guests.
WILLIAM:
Ahh thanks John.
TIMOTHY thumps WILLIAM.
JOHN:
But I' don't wish to play any part in it. (to Mr Stone) I quit!
JOHN prepares to leave.
MR STONE:
No John, wait.
JOHN picks up his folder and purposely throws it in the bin as he exits.
SFX: Door slams.
MR STONE:
Good riddance. We don't need you. And you take your "PINK" with you
'n all , Asda Smart Price already use it!