INT: A LABORATORY
WE SEE TWO SCIENTISTS, PROFESSOR ASTWOOD & PROFESSOR HARTWELL ARE IN CONVERSATION AS THEIR COLLEAGUE PROFESSOR MEEHAN ENTERS.
Astwood:
Come in Professor Meehan, we've got something to show you.
Meehan:
I hope this isn't another one of your silly pranks Jeremy?
Astwood:
Not at all dear boy.
Now listen to me carefully. We've managed to synthesise an extraordinary new element.
Hartwell:
We think it may be the most highly explosive substance we've ever discovered.
Meehan:
Good Lord! Does this element have a name yet?
Astwood:
Yes. We've called it Aprilfoolium.
Meehan:
It's called April....Foolium? You pair of Rotters, how could you!
Hartwell:
What's wrong?
Meehan:
You chaps promised that the next element we created would be named after me.
Hartwell:
We've been through this already old Chum. If we named it after you weed need to call it Meehan-ium
Astwood: (SINGS THE MUPPET SONG)
Ba Ba Dadada!
Hartwell:
You see the confusion that could cause?
Meehan:
I suppose so. Anyway what did you need me here for?
Hartwell:
We want you to assist us in transporting the sample to a safer area.
Meehan:
So where is it at the moment then?
Astwood:
In a test tube on the edge of that Rickety table over there.
Meehan:
Are you mad?
Astwood:
It's ok we put a beermat under one of the legs, so it's perfectly fine.
Meehan:
Hang on a darn minute...I see what day it is today. Saturday April the first.
Hartwell:
What's your point man?
Meehan:
We're not insured to handle dangerous chemicals over the weekend are we?
Hartwell:
Well we can't just leave it here, look at the way it's fizzing.
Meehan:
Let me examine this a bit more closely.
MEEHAN WALKS TOWARDS THE TABLE
Astwood:
(SHOUTS) April Foooool!
MEEHAN SPINS ROUND
Astwood: (CONT)
-Ium is very volatile be careful for heavens sake.
Meehan:
Honestly! what do you two take me for?
MEEHAN TURNS BACK TOWARDS THE TABLE TRIPS FORWARD AND KNOCKS THE TEST TUBES FLYING.
THERE IS A LARGE EXPLOSION AND EVERYTHING GOES WHITE.
CUT TO:
A SUITED MAN SITTING BEHIND A DESK OPPOSITE A SCIENTIST IN A WHITE COAT.
Scientist:
I've got some very bad news Mr Meyer sir. I'm afraid there's been another accident. This time it was unstable batch of Aprilfoolium.
Mr Meyer:
I can't believe this has happened again, first there was that disaster with the Notrealium and then there were all those deaths caused by that consignment of Onlyjokeium.
Scientist:
I don't know what's wrong with our safety procedures sir, It's obvious how deadly these substances can be! Three of our best men today were completely Vapourised.
Mr Meyer:
Vapourised eh? Well at least we won't have to worry about the Crematorium.
Scientist:
No that stuff's fairly stable Sir.
END.
