Amnesia sketch

I can't work out if this is any good. I quite like the middle but the ending I'm not sure about. Opinions tolerated, nay encouraged!

INT. OFFICE - DAY

SAT ACROSS A DESK FROM JIM IS A FEMALE DOCTOR.

DOCTOR:
So, you remember crashing the car? Good, that's good. What about everything else - how's the rest of your memory?

JIM:
It's fine as far as I can tell. I even remember stuff I'd rather not remember!

DOCTOR:
Is that right? Like what?

JIM:
Oh, I don't know, just stuff...

DOCTOR:
Like Whigfield?

JIM:
Who's that?

DOCTOR:
You know? (SINGING) "Saturday night I feel the air is getting hot... like you baby"

JIM:
Ugh, yeah I do remember that now.

DOCTOR:
And it had a whole dance that went with it, like this...

SHE DEMONSTRATES, STILL SINGING...

DOCTOR (CONT):
"I'll make you mine you know I'll take you to the top... I'll drive you crazy..."

JIM:
Please, I don't need to remember everything.

DOCTOR:
It's important for your recovery that you explore these areas.

JIM:
Okay but can you at least ease me into it gently next...

DOCTOR:
(INTERRUPTING BY SINGING AT SOME VOLUME) "Go Compare! Go Compare! When in doubt, check them out, Go Compare!"

JIM:
Damn it, I'd forgotten all about that annoying advert!

DOCTOR:
And who knows the damage you were doing yourself by suppressing that memory? (BEAT) Are you okay, you don't look well? Is it nicotine withdrawal?

JIM:
No I don't... oh shit, yeah, I do smoke! That had completely gone out of my head, now I'm going to have to quit all over again!

DOCTOR:
What a shame.

JIM:
I don't suppose you have a cigarette, do you?

DOCTOR:
No.

JIM:
Right, no cigarettes in a doctor's office.

DOCTOR:
This isn't a doctor's office.

WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL THAT IT'S ACTUALLY A REGULAR DOMESTIC STUDY.

JIM:
Wait... then you're not a doctor?

DOCTOR:
I'm your wife, you idiot - and next time you want to write off my car at least ask to borrow it first!

END SKETCH

I think it goes along quite well, at least the Whigfield bit is very good; but that ending is a touch sucky.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ July 2 2010, 4:35 PM BST

I think it goes along quite well, at least the Whigfield bit is very good; but that ending is a touch sucky.

View original

Yeah, it's a bit 'spinny bow tie' isn't it? I like the idea of the reveal but ending on a line of exposition never quite works.

For some bizaree reason, when the reveal came I was reminded of Memento, when we discover that the Guy Pearce character is actually being cruelly exploited and manipulated by Carrie-Anne Moss. For that reason I would rather the wife was really f**king with the guys head and exploiting him terribly. For me, that would be funnier.

What chip said. Not subverted enough, I reckon.

Also, after she's majorly f**ked with the poor guy's head, reveal that she set up the crash too.

Dan

Thanks, guys. Think I've got a better way to wrap this up given your help.

Also never start a line of dialogue with the word 'so'.

Loved the Go compare bit.

Quote: Marc P @ July 3 2010, 11:33 AM BST

Also never start a line of dialogue with the word 'so'.

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Try telling Graham Norton that.

Seriously though, I never heard that before. Where did you get it?

So don't listen to him. So people always start off sentences with the word so. So you know that.

So the sketch is excellent to my mind until the reveal. The reveal just doesn't work for me.

So sorry I started a sentence without the word so.

I quite like stream of conciousness (being old and past it, clearly..) and I'd be quite happy for the sketch to meander somewhere else rather than having a reveal type punch.

So f**king what I hear you say!?

Quote: Frankie Rage @ July 5 2010, 2:52 PM BST

So don't listen to him. So people always start off sentences with the word so. So you know that.

So the sketch is excellent to my mind until the reveal. The reveal just doesn't work for me.

So sorry I started a sentence without the word so.

I quite like stream of conciousness (being old and past it, clearly..) and I'd be quite happy for the sketch to meander somewhere else rather than having a reveal type punch.

So f**king what I hear you say!?

View original

Cheers for reading, Frankie. I've since written a draft of the sketch with an ending that hopefully doesn't suck the sweat off a dead man's balls.