Disproving Dad Sketch

Rewritten for the 2010 sketch of the year comp. I've cut about 25% off the length. Couldn't quite match Lazzard's request of 40%, but can anyone please that man?

Int. Kitchen

Matt - a young teenager - is sat at the table reading a book. Disapproving Dad is pouring a cup of tea. He turns round with his cup, looks at Matt and smiles.

Disapproving Dad:
So, Matt, I was thinking that maybe you could help me change the spark plug on the car later.

Matt:
To be honest, Dad, I find cars a bit boring.

Disapproving Dad drops his cup of tea in shock.

Matt:
And I don't really like working with my hands.

Disapproving Dad:
(LAUGHS) That's a great sense of humour you've got there! You'll fit right in on a building site. Or a garage. Or if you're really lucky: a five a side pub team!

Matt:
But I hate football more than anything.

Disapproving Dad:
If your Grandfather were alive to hear this, he'd have a heart attack and die. Again.

Matt:
What I really want to do is: study law at Oxford university.

Disapproving Dad:
What you need is the university of life. I qualified from it with 1st class honours and now look at me. (PROUDLY) I'm second in command of a cement mixer.

Matt:
I've been reading all about it, Dad. (HOLDS UP BOOK) I'll get to learn about hearings, mistrials and even objections!

Disapproving Dad:
Yeah? Well, tell me this, it's the middle of the night, you're in the moors, it's raining and your spark plug goes. What do you do then? Lodge an objection?

Matt:
No, I'd ring the AA.

Disapproving Dad:
Shut up!

Mum enters.

Mum:
Ah, there you are. Now, dear, are you still taking Matt to Oliver's tonight?

Disapproving Dad:
No!

Mum:
Why?

Disapproving Dad:
Because that would involve a car and (HISSES) CARS. ARE. BORING!

Mum:
Don't be so silly. Now, he needs to be there at 7. Ok?

Disapproving Dad:
I'm sorry, but I can't take him.

Mum:
You can.

Disapproving Dad:
I can't!

Mum:
You can!

Disapproving Dad:
I can't!

Mum:
You can!

Disapproving Dad:
I CAN'T!

Mum:
Why?!

Disapproving Dad:
Because I don't know how to change the spark plug!

Disapproving Dad runs off howling. Mum looks at Matt.

Mum:
We'll take my car.

ENDS

I like this lots of nice character based gags enroute to a decent twist punch.

Bit of a badumtish, but what's wrong with that?

I liked it as well. Probably for the same reasons.

Btw do you mean Disapproving Dad? Not that it matters much, I'm just curious.

It may be a rather clever wordplay pun?

Thanks, lads!

It should be disapproving. I don't know why I've been referring to him as disproving!

But the kid disproves his status as a capable provider. I'd keep it as disproving it's a pleasing metagag.

I liked this, though I have to admit I was looking forward to a slice of metaphysical comedy involving a dad who "disproves" the existence of his own son. Working class jokes are funny too though. SPARK PLUGS!

I don't even know what spark plugs do, David!

Quote: Ben @ June 28 2010, 4:40 PM BST

I don't even know what spark plugs do, David!

View original

Me neither! *adjusts cravate*

"If your Grandfather were alive to hear this, he'd have a heart attack and die. Again."

Best line - made me hoot.
Could probably do with being cut by about 40%.
Good though.

Quote: Ben @ June 27 2010, 8:02 PM BST

Int. Kitchen

Matt - a young teenager - is sat at the table reading a book. Disproving Dad is pouring a cup of tea. He turns round with his cup, looks at Matt and smiles.

Disproving Dad:
So, Matt, I was thinking that maybe you could help me change the spark plug on the car later.

Matt:
To be honest, Dad, I find cars a bit boring.

Disproving Dad drops his cup of tea in shock.

Disproving Dad:
What?!

Matt:
And I don't really like working with my hands.

Disproving Dad:
(LAUGHS) That's a great sense of humour you've got there! You'll fit right in on a building site. Or a garage. Or if you're lucky, in a sparky's van!

Matt:
I wasn't joking.

Disproving Dad:
Sweet Jesus.

Disproving Dad sits down at the table.

Disproving Dad:
Look, Matt, you're probably too young to understand, but, working with your hands is the only way to be a true, working class man. How else do you expect to get away with whistling at women and getting drunk early on a Friday?

Matt:
I don't want to get drunk and whistle at women.

Disproving Dad:
If your Grandfather were alive to hear this, he'd have a heart attack and die. Again.

Matt:
I'm going to go to Oxford university and study law. I'll get to learn about hearings, mistrials, objections and-

Disproving Dad:
No! The only university you need is the university of life. I qualified from it with 1st class honours and now look at me. (PROUDLY) I'm second in command of a cement mixer.

Matt:
I've made up my mind.

Disproving Dad:
Yeah? Well, tell me this, it's the middle of the night, you're in the moors, it's raining and your spark plug goes. What do you do then? Lodge an objection?

Matt:
No, I'd ring the AA.

Disproving Dad:
Shut up!

Mum walks in.

Mum:
What's all the noise?

Disproving Dad:
What have you been saying to him?

Mum:
What?

Disproving Dad:
He wants to destroy everything I hold true!

Matt:
I want to study law.

Mum:
Oh good for you, Matt!

Disproving Dad:
I think I'm going to pass out.

Mum:
Are you still taking Matt to Oliver's tonight?

Disproving Dad:
No!

Mum:
Why?

Disproving Dad:
Because that would involve a car and (HISSES) CARS. ARE. BORING!

Mum:
Look, Matt's perfectly entitled to do what he wants with his life.

Disproving Dad:
Well, I'm sorry, but I can't take him.

Mum:
You can.

Disproving Dad:
I can't!

Mum:
You can!

Disproving Dad:
I can't!

Mum:
You can!

Disproving Dad:
I CAN'T!

Mum:
Why?!

Disproving Dad:
Because I don't know how to change the spark plug!

Disproving Dad runs off howling. Mum looks at Matt.

Mum:
We'll take my car.

ENDS

View original

I think it's a nice idea that could be improved by a bit of subversion - if for instance it was a tough kid wanting to be more like his Dad who was a Ballerina or something, I think I'd laugh more. Also it's too long as it stands. Some nice lines - I liked the cement mixer gag for instance.

But there are parts that need work:

"How else do you expect to get away with whistling at women and getting drunk early on a Friday?" seems a bit weak and in need of a better laugh.

F**k me I sound like a BBC producer. Shoot me me now.

Good point re: length, Lazzard/Lee. I think there's a few chunks that can easily be lost.

I really like it Ben. Could do with shortening but I do like it as it is and think you'd get away with not cutting it down no problem.

I'm with Lazzard - "Heart attack and die. Again" - brilliant.

Like this a lot.

Agree it's too long (or more 'not enough jokes for length') but the cement mixer and 'Lodge an objection' line were really funny.

End, as Soots says, is a bit bum-tsch! Works for broad appeal, but, as Lee says, could do with a bit more subversion and/or working/middle-class stereotyping.

Dan

This was one of my favourite things I posted in Critique.