British Comedy Guide

The Bus Journey

A little short "story" that formed in my head whilst on the bus this morning.

Every day when I get on my morning bus to work the same lingering thought occurs to me, "how has it come to this?". Although not intended as a rhetorical question, the mere fact I ask it every day infers that it quite possibly is one. Of course, when trying to answer my mind gets interrupted by far more pressing concerns. Take now for example, a screaming toddler, face screwed up like a wart is being ignored by all and sundry. Why is nothing being done? Her mother is far too enchanted in the conversation she is having with the young man sitting next to her to care. Like the mother, I am unsure as to whether this man is the girl's father, but child and man do have matching earrings, so I decide that he probably is.

My mind wanders again as the screaming is infected by another sound, namely the bus creaking like machine gun fire. As the bus goes faster the noise levels increase and I'm left wondering why no-one else seems even vaguely concerned? To an untrained ear it sounds like the bus is about to evaporate into nothing but the used condom under my seat. Alas, I remember I am a well seasoned bus veteran and this is but the norm, there is no danger here. And what's this? A cease fire. The noise has vacated, the bus has come to a complete standstill. But why? It appears the driver has decided to reward himself for being seven minutes behind schedule by stopping and having an impromptu cigarette. Obviously a union man. Although everyone is rather peeved off, we all decide, undemocratically, to suffer in silence. Even the toddler has given her lungs a rest.

A few moments pass until we are off once more. I see my stop on the horizon and ready my trigger finger. Bell pressing is a neglected art and each player must mentally prepare oneself. Too early and the driver will forget to stop, too late and you're through the windshield. "Buzz". Am I too early? It seems not, we're slowing down. Success! I thank the bus driver for getting me to my destination ten minutes late and head on into work.

On entry, I see my boss exiting his office, staring down at his watch like a public school headmaster. Perhaps it's broken? No such luck. He beckons me into his office in much the same way he did yesterday, where he told me it was the third time that week I had been late. "Quite an achievement considering it's only Tuesday" I'd said. He didn't find it remotely amusing on the outside but perhaps he was laughing subconsciously? It didn't appear so then and it certainly doesn't appear so now. As I enter into his replica death star, I can't help but think to myself; If only I was still on that bus.

Highly amusing Michael. A lovely insight too :D

Perhaps I shall write my own run to work in the morning. Although that would mainly be a series of "Stupid fu**ing bus!"

Quote: Craig H @ June 14 2010, 10:35 PM BST

Perhaps I shall write my own run to work in the morning. Although that would mainly be a series of "Stupid fu**ing bus!"

As long as you're not one of those pesky cyclists, I got off the bus the other morning and nearly had my head taken off. Thankfully, as I've become rather attached to my head, my cat like reactions saved the day. Still, surely if you see a bus stopping at a bus stop and no-one is getting on, it's logical to arrive at the conclusion that somebody will get off in the not too distant future. Morons!

Can you format it better, please? :)

Quote: Leevil @ June 16 2010, 9:00 PM BST

Can you format it better, please? :)

As in paragraphs? Me and paragraphs don't really get on, ever since that time they accused me of digressing. I suppose I could give it a go though.

You don't have to but you'll get more people willing to read.

Quote: Leevil @ June 16 2010, 9:07 PM BST

You don't have to but you'll get more people willing to read.

There you go kind sir :)

Much better!

As for the story. Quite amusing, I thought. You should do more, maybe write a blog and really get the most of these situations?

give the main characters names based on their behaviour/appearance; and are there any people who're always on same bus journey as you? 'cause you could cite their previous behaviour to a certain stimulus, and also yoe could draw conclusions concerning their private lives that you don't see from their bus behaviour that you do see.
good line about paternity.
why don't you cycle to work? or take train?
what d'ya reckon would've happened if you/someone took umbrage at the squalling baby and the smoking driver?
if you do start writing more of these then just be careful not to turn into a bus weirdo, who stares at other passengers while writing about them.

Quote: Leevil @ June 16 2010, 9:20 PM BST

As for the story. Quite amusing, I thought. You should do more, maybe write a blog and really get the most of these situations?

I'm trying to put together a portfolio to send when I apply for my masters in creative writing this weekend. I have a sitcom and the first act of a stage play, but I want something shorter alongside them. I'm hoping that this with an as yet unwritten companion piece will fit the bill.

Thanks all for your feedback, I've decided that with a few tweaks it may possibly be good enough to put forward. :)

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