Curse

INT. A TOMB.

TWO EXPLORERS ( PADLEY & ARTHUR ) ARE STANDING BEFORE A WALL WITH HIEROGLYPHS ON.

PADLEY:
Just behind this ancient doorway lies the treasure of the last Pharaoh. I must warn you Arthur. They say there is a curse.

ARTHUR:
Not you as well?

PADLEY:
Do not be too hasty in your dismissal. The last expedition that tried to take the Egyptian bounty came to a grizzly end.

ARTHUR:
You mean those two old men and that monkey?

PADLEY:
Johnosn and Dannon were two of the best in the field. They entered the tomb in search of fortune and glory and, like you, scoffed at talk of a curse. So did the monkey but he didn't understand the situation.

ARTHUR:
Don't tell me, they're all dead.

PADLEY:
Johnson picked up a rare tropical disease before he even set foot back in England and just sixty years later he was dead.

ARTHUR:
Not exactly fast acting this curse is it?

PADLEY:
You mock but Dannon was found dead the very next day. The morning of his ninety second birthday.

ARTHUR:
Taken in his prime!

PADLEY:
It's the curse I tell you.

ARTHUR:
What happened to the monkey?

PADLEY
The monkey spent the rest of his life sailing the world on a luxury yacht. Richer than a sky full of sultans and an ocean brimming with kings.

ARTHUR STANDS IN DEEP THOUGHT THEN PULLS A PISTOL FROM HIS HOLSTER AND WALKS AWAY.

SFX: MONKEY SCREAMING THEN GUNSHOT.

ARTHUR RETURNS.

ARTHUR:
There's always a simpler explanation.

END.

I think the end might need some clarification because I'm not sure whether they brought a monkey with them or he just shoots any old monkey and does he kill the monkey because he is being led to believe the monkey is the curse? Some nice dialogue all the same, up to the end where it gets a tad confusing. I'm sure there is a similar age-related gag, to yours, in Naked Gun where someone has just died and someone says 'they were taken too soon' 'How old were they?' '94' (something like this at least. Might be wrong!).

Yes, I had the same thoughts on the ending as Adam, but amusing up to that point.

Cheers Giggle-o and Timbo. This was my concern. They have the monkey with them, but I was worried that if I set this up it would make it too predictable. The original idea was to try and mock the idea of a curse in the first place. I find that when I go from ideas and notes into a script I find it hard to get the ideas across without it being really clumsy or messy. I can change the joke that may have been in Naked Gun so thanks for the heads up on that.

I don't think you need to take the gag out and it feels integral to the humour of the sketch; I was only drawing slight comparison. I think that if you change it so he doesn't walk away to shoot the monkey and instead just shoots down at his side and carries on perfectly normal with the other explorer then it would get the message across. It also feels like part of something, so maybe needs a longer lead in or a meatier middle.

perhaps if you included some detail about the curse (in rhyme, I hope), and mebbe johnson and dannon's last words; the which are short stuff; but out of it possibly comes the reason for shooting the monkey (not a good reason, tho')
richer than sky full've sultans and ocean of kings is ludicrously good

Sorry for the bump but got around to tidying this up and would really like to get your thoughts on whether I cleared up the points made above with few minor tweaks.

INT. A TOMB.

TWO EXPLORERS AND A MONKEY ( PADLEY & ARTHUR ) ARE STANDING BEFORE A WALL WITH HIEROGLYPHS ON.

PADLEY:
Just behind this ancient doorway lies the treasure of the last Pharaoh. I must warn you Arthur. They say there is a curse.

ARTHUR:
Not you as well?

PADLEY:
Do not be too hasty in your dismissal. The last expedition that tried to take the Egyptian bounty came to a grizzly end.

ARTHUR:
You mean those two old men and their stupid monkey?

SFX: MONKEY CHATTER.

ARTHUR: (CONT'D)
No offence Muggles.

PADLEY:
Johnosn and Dannon were two of the best in the field. They entered the tomb in search of fortune
and glory and, like you, scoffed at talk of a curse. So did the monkey but he didn't understand the situation.

ARTHUR:
Don't tell me, they're all dead.

PADLEY:
Johnson picked up a rare tropical disease before he even set foot back in England and just sixty years later he was dead.

ARTHUR:
Not exactly fast acting this curse is it?

PADLEY:
You mock but Dannon was found dead the very next day. The morning of his ninety second birthday.

ARTHUR:
Taken in his prime!

PADLEY:
It's the curse I tell you.

ARTHUR:
What happened to the monkey?

PADLEY
The monkey spent the rest of his life sailing the world on a luxury yacht. Richer than a sky full of sultans and an ocean brimming with kings.

ARTHUR STANDS IN DEEP THOUGHT THEN PULLS A PISTOL FROM HIS HOLSTER

SFX: MONKEY SCREAMING THEN GUNSHOT.

ARTHUR: (CONT'D)
No offence Muggles.

END.