Host's intro for Telly for Scools

In The Closet

Intro.: annoying jingle, graphics of a sunrise...
An Indian guy of indeterminate years and inoffensive visage sits, in a studio so narrow he's forced to squeeze his shoulders inwards and hold his hands a la Mr. Burns, behind a desk.
Crispian:
Mooornin' Chiiildren! It's 10:30am! It's meee!

His name appears bottom left of screen, Crispian Shingles, and he surveys it smugly 'til it fades.

Crispian:
And once again we're... In The Closet! With me...

His name briefly reappears, which he regards smugly while nodding.

Crispian:
So, welcome to The Closet!

Crispin gestures the cramped studio, which forces him to stretch his arms directly over his head. His hands point, with small gestures, to the many tiers of over-stuffed shelves above his head. He drags his arms back down.

Crispin:
It's a lovely mornin', en it, kiddies? But, Kiddies: it's 10:30! You know what that means! I know what that means! Social Services knows what that means: You should be at school! Right now! Which does, yes, call into question why these shows for Kiddies are put on durin' school hours... Oh! You are at school? Silly me! ... Then why- ah! Teacher got a hangover? Forgot to plan the lesson? Leaving in two weeks to be a lion tamer?
Well. Any old aitch, let's get the aitch on with this: Let's... do the Post Slot!

Crispin reaches up arms again, awkwardly, and feels on one of the shelves for the post...

Crispin:
...Not in that way, Kidlets.

... His hands have still not found what they are feeling for. He stares in to cam while searching...
...Still not found it... Crispin is now facially irate, and his hands slap petulantly at random shelves, dislodging their contents, which rain down on him. He sifts through what has fallen onto his desk.

Crispin:
(Sifting) Post...Post...give-up the ghost... Ah! Here they are! I'll just pop this under the camera so's thou canst see it betterly, Kiddie-babs... And, this one's for Happy Birthday, Eleven, London...

Slammed under a close-up of a dreadfully drawn card depicting ...colourful, humanoid blobs.

Crispin:
Hmmm... Not sure what that is... Please see your teacher! Haha! Well, unless they're not too busy of course. But if they are, they'll probably just pop you down in front of this show, so... I'm basically your teacher! Without being... of course... underpaid.
Well, I'm sure that whatever was depicted in this daubing will very soon be coming up later. Just like breakfast. On a catwalk.

Crispin roughly sweeps away the card and slams another under cam. It depicts a puppets show.

Crispian:
This one's for Happy Bithday Susanna, Twelve years old today! And on her card, can you see, is Cora and all of her friends! Yes, this is more like it, at least there's hope for you, Suzie, what with your artistic parents. And already Twelve, Sooz! Well done! That's quite an age! And, Sue, I promise you that from this point onwards: Life's all roses!

Crispin sweeps away card and replaces with another. It depicts Spot The Dog.

Crispin:
Spot The Dog. Spot the Dog...

Crispin lifts up flap on card to reveal a photograph of a sweet little baby.

Crispin:
Ah! There she is.

Crispin tears card and flings it airwards.

Crispin:
Now! As to our first show: I'd Rather You Than Me.

have written an ep. of a Math's Is Fun show and an ep.of a puppet show, too, which'll follow on from this intro.
does allbody understand the stage directions? is there anything that should be removed? not many good lines in it, so are there any you can think of to include?

The Crispin character is nasty. Have you considered what possibilities there are if you made him really nice but just unable to deliver the goods.

The core jokes are

1. Why is children's TV on during school hours.
2. Is it a just an unpaid substitute for lazy teacher.

If you build the sketch around these two themes it may work quite well without the need to explore many other comedic ideas.

The title - In the Closet is good but may not be original. I think the idea was most famously used by Brian Connolly with his children TV presenter and Larry the Loafer.

Hope this helps.

PS Should be very easy to film a demo.

Hmmmm.

I don't think this is that bad. I like the visual of the room being ridiculously small, playing on the old Andy Crane broom cupboard period (although that might make it a bit dated). You need to define the character better though. Is it really necessary for him to be Asian? because I'm not really picking up any Asian qualities in the dialogue. I think if you get it in mind what kind of person you are trying to reflect you could make something of the character but at the minute, as Ant said, the character is just a bit mean and isn't really offering anything particularly amusing in his dialogue (so you're just left with the visuals of little room and stuff falling on him).

Also, one minute he's CrispiAn then he's just plain old Crispin.

Good luck.