Cutting

TIM (POSH ACCENT)
The cuts we are about to make will have a lasting effect. They will affect the way you will be living quite possibly for ever.

JEREMY (SCARED)
I'm sorry I missed your protection payment. Please don't cut my nose off.

BIFF(THUGGISH)
Shall I cut the little toerags nose off boss?

TIM
Biff please this is 2010 we don't just abritrairly slice bits off people.

JEREMY
You're not going to cut me?

TIM
Don't be silly. Cuts need to be made, but this is a new era of compassionate criminality. We expect you to take part, which parts do you want us to cut off?

JEREMY
Erm none I'm using all of them.

TIM
Fine then Biff chop off his nose and ears.

JEREMY
Eek! That's even worse than just my nose you bastard.

TIM
See Biff you give people a voice in cuts and they just complain even more.

BIFF
It's that George Osbourne I feel sorry for.

Sorry soot Not the worst post that had no replies.

gnomic

Neat idea, elegantly executed.

I do like the premise, and it's nicely done.
I actually think it could do with being a bit longer.
Also the pay off doesn't do the idea justice IMO.

Thanks, unfortunately Timbo praise is the Newsjack kiss of death.

Do Newsjack do skectches like that? I can't remember.

Quote: sootyj @ June 12 2010, 12:18 AM BST

Thanks, unfortunately Timbo praise is the Newsjack kiss of death.

View original

Quite possibly; I have reached the conclusion that they hate me at a personal level and are determined not just to screw me over, but to also take it out on all of my friends.

It doesn't seem very Newsjacky to me but if I'm wrong you'd probably need to change the sex of one character to fit the cast.

Nah bit of fun clearing the pipes before the assault proper