The Man Who Happened To Plough

Okay, third time lucky. This is my third spur of the moment boredom sketch today; civilization was only begun as a method of assuaging boredom. Who would have originally thought that sparks had any practical function other than inciters of amusement?

The Man Who Happened To Plough

There is a pub - The Ploughman's Pub. A stream of identical looking moustachioed men in woollen sweaters and flat peaked hats stride into the pub. Inside, each man is eating an identical meal of bread, pickle and cheese. They order at the counter, and the serving woman passes up ready prepared plates.

Ploughman 1
Bread, pickle and cheese please.

Serving Woman
Certainly, dear.

Ploughman 2
Bread, pickle and cheese please.

Serving Woman
Here you go.

Ploughman 3
Do you do steak?

There is silence throughout the pub as the identical ploughmen stare at Ploughman 3. Ploughman 1 and Ploughman 2 grab him under his arms and drag him towards another door. Another ploughman follows behind them, carrying a plough and biting from a chunk of bread and cheese.

Ploughman 3
Resist comrades; we are not just ploughmen, we are men that happen to plough!

The door swings shut and there is the sound of a sickening crunch. The sound of conversation continues inside the pub.

Why does this make me laugh?
But it does, though.

This was written out of genuine concern. Why should the ploughmen have this bread-pickle-cheese stereotype foisted upon them. One wouldn't call sandwiches and white wine an accountants lunch would one? Or a solitary carrot top a supermodels lunch.

My first reaction on this was, eh???
Then it started to fill my head with images of one of those series of sketches where people mistakenly enter this bar and all sorts of mad things happen to them.
I think you could actually get a lot of milage out of this one. Me likey!!

Thankamayou.

My life is soundtracked by eh's.

Like it... A 'Big Train' sketch (that is a compliment).
You could embelish it by having more dialogue about the ordered ingredients of the Ploughman's lunch, perhaps... "There are two schools of thought on the validity of the pickled onion, my friend", for example, to turn this into a one-to-two minute full sketch.

All the best.

Heh, that is a good idea.

Displaying a rather closed mind I had never thought of ploughmen as particularly analytical beings.

Quote: Cinnamon @ October 30, 2007, 10:58 PM

Heh, that is a good idea.

Displaying a rather closed mind I had never thought of ploughmen as particularly analytical beings.

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There is a very, very good sketch in that idea, in my opinion. You have the same ending to the sketch, and the same set-up. You simply expand the importance and sacredness of the ploughman's lunch in the middle, by having a reverential discussion on the ingredients of the ploughman's lunch between Ploughmen 1 and 2.

(My mind is particulary tuned to sketch writing at the moment, having being writing and submitting a commissioned bunch of sketches for a possible Beeb sketch show.)

Love to read an expanded version of your sketch.

The tag-line is excellent, by the way.

Thankyou very much!

I shall post a revised version in the near future. I suppose if all you do in a day is plough then lunch takes on a more exalted position.

Right, these lines could be added as the ploughmen wait for their food:

Ploughman 1
I keep telling you; the onion is only necessary as a method of neutralising the sweeter flavours of pickle.

Ploughman 2
Well, it's something to consider now that the apple slices idea has gone down the proverbial pan.

These are possible additions, but possibly are too cheesy:

Ploughman 1
There are those that pine for the days of the potato.

Ploughman 2
Silly spuddites.

I think you're along the right lines. Remember, Ploughman 3 has to not only keep quiet until delivering his 'turning-point' line, he should also be visually distinguishable from the herd. Possibly, slightly young and slimmer, more 'cool' than the other ploughmen.

When he does request steak, before being led away, he may complain something like, "I'm fed up with crusty bread and cheddar! When will you old men see that celery is the future!" Or something like that...

This is a generational gap sketch with a sinister twist. It is, I think, best suited as a period sketch, e.g. the 1950's.

Anyway, love to read your final version.

Cheers.

Chears muchly.

Quote: Cinnamon @ October 30, 2007, 11:40 PM

Chears muchly.

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