Hi, I've started to write a comedic blog based on my experiences as a teenager and hating my peers. Saying that, it's actually very loosely based on that and more a general comedic view... I'll stop rambling now and post the link:
It's http://yourkidswillfail.tumblr.com/ the layout needs sorting, but I'm focusing on the content more. There's only two posts so far.
If you could please read it and offer feedback, I'd really appreciate it!
Thanks in advance for any replies!
C+
Must try harder.
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ June 4 2010, 8:44 PM BSTC+
Must try harder.
Well, thanks Murphy, very constructive. Also, the wit almost killed me. Actually, I found it so *funny* that I took it upon myself to take a peek at your "Texturbation" blog. Is it comedy? You see, I just can't quite tell... there's a post in which you have written a scene about an airport security where the one (and only) punchline is very weak. It's an old joke, Murphy. Write something original.
I have no problem with you disliking my work, but at least try to tell me why. Or maybe, if that's too hard, you could always just have a go at constructing a whole sentance describing the blog and why you don't like it. In other words, grow up.
Thanks
She makes a point, Murphy. You fail.
A bit like my blog: http://seriesofunfortunatefails.tumblr.com/
I hope you enjoy reading it and please give me.....in fact, don't bother giving feedback 
Nice plug for your blog there, Max Power 
Well I like Max Powers Blog & I like Sally M's blog but which one is better...
Only one way to find out.
FIIIIIIIGGHT
Or I could read them I suppose that might be easier
Quote: Sally M @ June 4 2010, 9:25 PM BSTWell, thanks Murphy, very constructive. Also, the wit almost killed me. Actually, I found it so *funny* that I took it upon myself to take a peek at your "Texturbation" blog. Is it comedy? You see, I just can't quite tell... there's a post in which you have written a scene about an airport security where the one (and only) punchline is very weak. It's an old joke, Murphy. Write something original.
I have no problem with you disliking my work, but at least try to tell me why. Or maybe, if that's too hard, you could always just have a go at constructing a whole sentance describing the blog and why you don't like it. In other words, grow up.
Thanks
The young one has fire.
Okay, here's some constructive criticism.
First, go and read the first two Adrian Mole books.
Second, have a point and stick to it. Focus.
Third, edit.
Fourth, explore other ways of being funny. At the moment you're just pointing out that a pattern of behaviour exists and then being sarcastic and incredulous about it.
Fifth, consider your comic persona. You've created a character who spends four hours a day on Facebook, uses grammar poorly, and yet criticises others for doing the same. And then claims the intellectual high ground. Was that deliberate?
Sixth, leave the caps lock key alone.
Seventh, lose the exclamation marks.
Eighth, stick at it and don't take any shit from people on comedy forums.
I like your avatar, Sally. Are you being Magritte?
Quote: zooo @ June 4 2010, 10:17 PM BSTI like your avatar
Was going to say that too.
I thought the relgious stuff was potentially more interesting than the FB stuff. I'd develop that. You also need to tighten up the writing and more clearly define the character. She's a bit banal at the moment. Ironically you cutting Murphy down to size was far funnier.
Quote: chipolata @ June 5 2010, 2:34 PM BSTl Ironically you cutting Murphy down to size was far funnier.
I get cut down to size by illiterate chav kids every time I leave the house. It's water off a Mexican's back, to be honest.
Quote: Sally M @ June 4 2010, 9:25 PM BSTWell, thanks Murphy, very constructive. Also, the wit almost killed me. Actually, I found it so *funny* that I took it upon myself to take a peek at your "Texturbation" blog. Is it comedy? You see, I just can't quite tell... there's a post in which you have written a scene about an airport security where the one (and only) punchline is very weak. It's an old joke, Murphy. Write something original.
I have no problem with you disliking my work, but at least try to tell me why. Or maybe, if that's too hard, you could always just have a go at constructing a whole sentance describing the blog and why you don't like it. In other words, grow up.
Thanks
Sally - This is a big overreaction to Kevin's comment. If a critique is brief you are well within your rights to ask for further clarification, but do it like an adult. Have you lurked around for a while and read other posts in critique to get a flavour of the feedback you are likely to get and the overriding friendly tone that normally exists, even if the critique seems negative. To put things in perspective, a C+ must try harder is IMO a positive comment. In relation to your blog, I personally did not find it particularly funny; but then I have an aversion to blogs in general. Chill out and enjoy the company on here.
I think Kevin's second post covers most points, but I would emphasise the need to write about something a little less 'obvious'. Slagging off Facebook isn't particularly original, but you could try and come at it from an original angle or make an original observation (which means keeping an eye on your 'competition' to see what they write).
When you start having a go at things I find it helps to offset your opinions with a bit of self-deprecation otherwise it seems like you are taking the high ground and people won't really warm to you and, in turn, won't follow your other efforts.
Was this part of a school project? or did you just have to get it off your chest?
All the best.
Thank you everyone for the excellent feedback provided. I'm trying hard to develop my own kind of persona and explore what kind of style I'm going for, and your comments have been most helpful.
Kevin, I do apologise for my...harshness 
I think I saw it more of a sort of easy and cheap joke. Sorry again, it was uncalled for. Your 8 points have been extremely helpful and I shall try my best to take them on board I swear I have an old Adrian Mole book on the shelf somewhere too... ;]
Yeah, I drew my avatar in a Margritte type way 
Thank you all again. As soon as I've got over this year's exams (wow, that makes me sound very out of place on here), I'm giving myself a comedy re-style with all of your lovely feedback in mind. Thanks!