Things just got a little sexy!
Caught Red-Handed
Maybe I got a bit distracted, but I didn't understand it. Sorry 
That is Pants!
Damn Sexy pants.
I thought it was funny, but I'm not sure I quite got the pay off!
But I bet you did! Eh? Eh?
I'll desist now!
I like this, but does real life count as comedy?
Thanks, guys. This one seems to have generated a rather "meh" response so far. Seems no one is understanding the punch, which is something of a f**k up on my part. No big deal, the procurement of tiny wigs, googly eyes and minauture briefcases aside, this one wasn't a huge time suck. Telling really - I should have spent more time on the script/performance/edit. Or maybe no one wants to watch a comedy sketch that starts off looking like gay porn?
I thought it very funny but couldn't work out the end, either he's come home to his gay lover and seen the woman or the husband's come home and caught his wife with a man...or something
I get the punch but I can see it's a logic jump to far.
e.g. the hand would have to belong to some one else/
Why not have the 3rd person be a foot?
Quote: bushbaby @ May 27 2010, 1:33 PM BSTI thought it very funny but couldn't work out the end, either he's come home to his gay lover and seen the woman or the husband's come home and caught his wife with a man...or something
Thanks. It's meant to be that the wife, Linda, has followed her husband to his gay lover's and caught him in the act (with an off screen penis). The last guy to arrive is the penis' (peni?) gay lover. Clearly this isn't coming across (do forgive the pun). I'm wondering if there's anything I can do dialogue wise to make the punch work. I'm also thinking the preamble with the hand taking off the shorts etc may be uneccessary and that I could get into the talking hands bit quicker. Or I could just dump this whole thing and go eat a big cake.
Quote: sootyj @ May 27 2010, 1:39 PM BSTI get the punch but I can see it's a logic jump to far.
e.g. the hand would have to belong to some one else/
Why not have the 3rd person be a foot?
You know, it was originally meant to be two hand having the fight but when it came to shooting it I used my right hand for both characters. I just realised I could reverse the film on its x axis to cheat that though. I like the foot idea but I'm not sure I have the dexterity to make it speak, and the 'mouth' opening in shock was the funniest thing to me.
Don't make it speak. Wrap some bin liner round it maybe a little zip.
And wallah one none speaking foot-gimp.
I think the idea that the main character is an obsessive masturbator cheating on himself with left and right hand.
I'm wondering if there's anything I can do dialogue wise to make the punch work. I'm also thinking the preamble with the hand taking off the shorts etc may be uneccessary and that I could get into the talking hands bit quicker. Or I could just dump this whole thing and go eat a big cake.####
Instead of him saying 'Honey,' he could say 'Mike' or some other name and that would make it clear
Quote: sootyj @ May 27 2010, 1:44 PM BSTDon't make it speak. Wrap some bin liner round it maybe a little zip.
And wallah one none speaking foot-gimp.
I think the idea that the main character is an obsessive masturbator cheating on himself with left and right hand.
Dress my foot up in a gimp suit? Can the internet handle that kind of filth?
Quote: bushbaby @ May 27 2010, 1:47 PM BSTI'm wondering if there's anything I can do dialogue wise to make the punch work. I'm also thinking the preamble with the hand taking off the shorts etc may be uneccessary and that I could get into the talking hands bit quicker. Or I could just dump this whole thing and go eat a big cake.####
Instead of him saying 'Honey,' he could say 'Mike' or some other name and that would make it clear.
Good point. I was thinking I could also add a quick bit in early in the script where it's made clear that she's followed him to his gay lover's.
Quote: David Bussell @ May 27 2010, 1:49 PM BSTDress my foot up in a gimp suit? Can the internet handle that kind of filth?
Good point. I was thinking I could also add a quick bit in early in the script where it's made clear that she's followed him to his gay lover's.
I don't think you need do that, it doesn't matter if its her hubby or not, it's plain he means something to her and she's caught him 'at it', or she wouldn't be so devastated. It's just the end bit [for me anyway] but swop 'Honey' and it'd all be clear.
Quote: David Bussell @ May 27 2010, 1:49 PM BSTDress my foot up in a gimp suit? Can the internet handle that kind of filth?
Well Clarks have to put up with it.
Thought it was pretty good, though does feel like the story could be more clearly imparted (how, I know not).
Liked the idea of dressing up your hands and visual set up in general, love the little briefcase. From a performance point of view the crying, albeit intentionally overdone, sounded like laughing and found it a bit irritating TBH.
The pre-amble with you and your pants feels slightly incongruous. Maybe because it's a 'normal' hand to begin with, then suddenly a face hand. Having your actual, albeit just part, face in there at the beginning might add to this?