British Comedy Guide

War Vet Granddad

Comments welcome...

INT. LOUNGE - DAY

A COMFORTABLE, WORKING CLASS HOME, CIRCA LATE '70'S. A MOTHER IS SAT KNITTING IN THE CORNER WHILST GRANDDAD UNPACKS SOME OLD BOXES TO THE DELIGHT OF HIS GRANDDAUGHTER.

GRANDDAD:
I haven't seen what's inside these for years, you know? Not since I was a young man.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
What's inside, granddad?

GRANDDAD:
That's what we're going to find out, young lady.

HE RUNS A KNIFE ALONG THE TOP OF A BOX AND SLOWLY LIFTS THE FLAPS. HIS FACE LIGHTS UP AS HE TAKES OUT AN OLD SERVICE REVOLVER.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
Wow, is that a gun, granddad?

GRANDDAD:
See for yourself, sweetheart...

THE LITTLE GIRL GOES TO TAKE IT BUT HER MOTHER QUICKLY STEPS IN AND SNATCHES THE PISTOL AWAY.

MOTHER:
What are you thinking, dad, giving her a gun to play with?

GRANDDAD:
Don't be daft, woman, that thing was decommissioned right after the war - it's no worse than a water pistol.

MOTHER:
I'll be keeping hold of this.

TUTTING, SHE LOCKS THE GUN IN A DRAWER AND SITS BACK DOWN TO KNIT.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
What else is in there, Granddad?

GRANDDAD:
Let's take a look, shall we?

HE PULLS OUT ANOTHER OBJECT; A BANDANA PRINTED WITH THE JAPANESE FLAG.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
What's that? Is it a scarf?

GRANDDAD:
I got this in the Pacific. It's called a bandana and it used to belong to a Japanese soldier. See that hole there; right in the middle of the rising sun? That's where Granddad put his bullet.

MOTHER:
Dad!

SHE GRABS THE OFFENDING ITEM.

MOTHER (CONT):
What kind of story is that for a little girl? Put all this stuff away right now - I'm taking this thing to the kitchen and burning it!

SHE STORMS OFF.

GRANDDAD LOOKS TO THE LITTLE GIRL IN A 'NOW WE'VE TORN IT' SORT OF WAY, THEN GOES BACK INTO THE BOX FOR ONE LAST PRIZE.

IT'S THE MUMMIFIED HEAD OF THE JAPANESE SOLDIER.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
Wow!

END SKETCH

This is excellent.

One point that did occur - obviously we've the template of a rule of three, but to make more of this, would it be possible to have some sort of concession or apology from Granddad at the end - we think everything's going to be ok, and then the reveal. It might add to anticipation already building from the rhythym.

That said, it's bloody good as it is.

Quote: Rick Allden @ May 13 2010, 11:46 AM BST

This is excellent.

One point that did occur - obviously we've the template of a rule of three, but to make more of this, would it be possible to have some sort of concession or apology from Granddad at the end - we think everything's going to be ok, and then the reveal. It might add to anticipation already building from the rhythym.

That said, it's bloody good as it is.

Ta very much, Rick. You know, I think you might have something with that apology idea - thanks a bunch!

Yeah, this builds really nicely. Needs a line at the end though, otherwise it's just sick - oldschool meaning. (Yes I realise this is D. Bussel sketch).

Quote: Godot Taxis @ May 13 2010, 2:05 PM BST

Yeah, this builds really nicely. Needs a line at the end though, otherwise it's just sick - oldschool meaning. (Yes I realise this is D. Bussel sketch).

Not sure what line I could come up with that would be funnier than a little girl clapping with glee at a severed head.

How about, at the end...

GRANDDAUGHTER:
Wow!

GRANDDAD:
And if you look here, you can see where the bullet actually entered the head.

GRANDDAUGHTER:
But there's nothing there, Granddad.

GRANDDAD:
(INSPECTING HEAD CONFUSEDLY) Oh. They must have got mixed up. Silly Grandad! Now, where is it...? (BEGINS LOOKING THROUGH THE OTHER BOXES).

I'd disagree with the suggested required changes here.

I agree that the ending is a little sick - but so what? It's a surprise and that's what works. If it's not one person's cup of tea, then on to the next one.

Personally, I think any adding of lines will just deflect from the reveal.

I Kind of wanted the Grandad to be told to put the Bandana back.
And then he lifts the head out of the box & ties it back round while apologising.

That's ace

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 13 2010, 9:05 PM BST

I Kind of wanted the Grandad to be told to put the Bandana back.
And then he lifts the head out of the box & ties it back round while apologising.

Laughing out loud That's the one.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 13 2010, 9:05 PM BST

I Kind of wanted the Grandad to be told to put the Bandana back.
And then he lifts the head out of the box & ties it back round while apologising.

Ha! Yes!

Thanks, guys. Like that ending a lot, Steve. May I?

Feel free.
:)

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 14 2010, 10:01 AM BST

Feel free.
:)

Happy birthday to me! Cheers, Steve.

Nice idea, and I think the suggested tweak to the ending works well.

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