A DODGY 70S PORN SHOP THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER HE IS WEARING A BAD WIG, FALSE TEETH AND A DICKY BOW.
DEMI ROUSOS PLAYS ON THE STEREO
TONY WALKS IN
TONY
Oh I say it's a porn shop. Crikey I wondered why the windows were painted black. I thought these places were all closed down.
TONY PERUSES THE SHELVES
TONY
Gosh I just wanted a book. Do you have any Clive Cussler you only seem to have porn.
DEMI ROUSOS PLAYS LOUDER
PORNOGRAPHER
We have what you want Tony.
TONY
How do you know my name? I think I'll just get a copy of Nuts at WH Smiths.
PORNOGRAPHER
But that won't be enough will it Tony? Not now the kids are old enough for Janet to put safeties on the internet. No Nuts won't be adequate.
TONY
What is this some sort of reality show?
DEMI ROUSOS PLAYS EVEN LOUDER
PORNOGRAPHER
Your testicles swelling with frustration. Thinking if they were dead you could have one last glorious wank before the police take you away.
TONY
Shut up, shut up. How can you know such things? Oh God how can you know? All I want is...all I need is...
PORNOGRAPHER
Niggerz and catz. A very niche magazine. For the man who appreciates the erotic beauty of both.
HE HANDS TONY A MAGAZINE WITH A NUDE 50 CENT ON THE FRONT HE IS STROKING AN ENORMOUS SCOTTISH FOLD CAT.
THEN PLACES SAID MAGAZINE IN A PAPER BAG.
TONY
How much?
PORNOGRAPHER
5 Pounds.
TONY
That's very reasonable.
PORNOGRAPHER
And 5 years from the end of your life.
DEMI ROUSOS PLAYS AT A DEAFENING VOLUME
TONY SCREAMS
THE PORNOGRPAHER IS SOME HOW NEXT TO HIM, HE HUGS TONY CLOSELY, HIS EYES BLAZE RED.
THE PORNOGRAPHER LETS TONY GO, TONY STAGGERS OUT LIKE HE IS TERRIBLY INJURED
CLUTCHING THE PAPER BAG TO HIS CHEST
THE PORNOGRAPHER ONCE MORE STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER CALMLY WAITING
I do like this. 
