British Comedy Guide

Election; what would your policies be? Page 8

Quote: Nogget @ April 30 2010, 9:11 AM BST

Has anyone done a postal vote? I'm wondering if it's been designed to be deliberately confusing, to ensure that only the best-organised people's votes count. There are a set of instructions to read, you do your 'cross', then you have to put the voting slip in one envelope, put your signature and DoB on a separate slip, fold it up, and put both envelope and slip in another envelope, with the address showing through the window.

OK, so the average person should be capable of doing that, but by definition about half the voters are below average intelligence anyway, and that's before you factor in things like poor eyesight and simple slovenliness.

I do a postal vote! After I did my local one, I did my parlimentary one without even looking at the instructions. Cool

Also - I think people who had poor eyesight and stuff would know they needed someone to help, which is allowed as long as the 'helper' doesn't do this, that, or the other. I suppose it's a reason why not everyone has to postal vote, too.

Pah where's the fun in that. Sootyj will proudly by making his cross on 6/5/10

There is something fun about going into your polling station on election day. Well, maybe not fun but it's an experience that only happens every four or five years. Like sex.

And I shall miss out on that for my first ever General Election. :(

You can come and stand outside the booth when I go?

Orrrr, pretend I'm a disabled and come in with me.

Ha.

Quote: zooo @ May 1 2010, 11:53 AM BST

Orrrr, pretend I'm a disabled and come in with me.

What do you mean, pretend? Pleased

1. Everyone gets a minimum wage of £1000 a month

2. All dental treament and drugs are free

3. Schools will expel little scrotes who piss about instantly and they will then get sent to work cleaning the litter from the streets.

4. All illegal immigrants will be rounded up and sent back with immediate effect.

5. All foreign workers whose jobs can be done by people from the UK will be asked to vacate their positions and leave.

6. Only travel expenses can be claimed by MPs. Duck houses and moats can be paid for out of their wages.

7. Footballers will only earn a maximum of £5000 per month

8. Jordan will be banished from the media

9. Brookside will be brought back

10. All war will be forbidden unless our own country is attacked by another countrys armed forces.

Quote: David Carmon @ May 1 2010, 12:08 PM BST

5. All foreign workers whose jobs can be done by people from the UK will be asked to vacate their positions and leave.

That's mean!
It's not their fault we let them come in and build lives here.

Most of the rest of your ideas were fine though.

But we need more jobs here, so I think we should come first really :)

OK how about

Homeless people are given the many derelict houses around the country, they are refurbished and they can live in them until they find a job. When they find a job they have to pay rent. They are monitored so that they don't just pretend they are finding a job. They attend an Employment Centre 3 days a week to apply for jobs and build CVs

Of course our country would go bust but hey, I'll be dead in 50 years so who cares.

Quote: David Carmon @ May 1 2010, 12:25 PM BST

Homeless people are given the many derelict houses around the country, they are refurbished and they can live in them until they find a job. When they find a job they have to pay rent. They are monitored so that they don't just pretend they are finding a job. They attend an Employment Centre 3 days a week to apply for jobs and build CVs.

You could also get them to help refurbish the houses, if they had any skills whatsoever.

I think we should introduce that American thing you see in films, groups of prisoners (chain gangs?) picking up rubbish. There's so much litter everywhere, making the country look like a shit hole, and it's not like prisoners have f**k all else to do. And it would be nice for them to get out more!

Vote me I'll do it.

I will make the BBC keep making Beautiful People!

That is of course a lie

Quote: David Carmon @ May 1 2010, 12:08 PM BST

4. All illegal immigrants will be rounded up and sent back with immediate effect.

That is no way as easy as you think it is.

Quote: David Carmon @ May 1 2010, 12:08 PM BST

5. All foreign workers whose jobs can be done by people from the UK will be asked to vacate their positions and leave.

That's just silly.

A lot of English people just aren't prepared to do the really shite jobs. Immigrants are.

Quote: PhQnix @ May 1 2010, 2:12 PM BST

That is no way as easy as you think it is.

That's just silly.

I don't think that David's suggestions were meant to be taken entirely seriously.

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