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EXT. ROAD.

A MAN IS OUT WALKING WHEN HE HEARS A LOUD VOICE.

V/O:
Hey you.. yes you. Betcha like to have a crap sitting down.

MAN PONDERS FOR A WHILE THEN NODS IN AGREEMENT SLOWLY.

V/O:
Betcha don't like cold toilet seats either.

MAN AGAIN PONDERS AND NODS IN AGREEMENT SLOWLY.

V/O:
Well my good man, you've struck gold.

MAN IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH AN INFLATABLE RING (SHAPED LIKE A TOILET SEAT)

V/O:
That, my friend, is the all-new Thermadump. When you use the Thermadump, I personally guarantee you'll have the most luxurious shit possible. And the beauty of the Thermadump is it's versatility; not only will it heat up your buttocks but it comes complete with a built-in ass massage...... Also, you've no need to worry about electrocution from stray urine as the all-new Thermadump is powered by battery.... Hell, I love the Thermadump so much, I practically live in my toilet.

MAN IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A SMALL PACKET.

V/O:
There's some laxatives, now go shit!

MAN GOBBLES DOWN LAXATIVES AND STARTS TO RUN.

CUT TO MAN IN TOILET: HE TAKES DOWN HIS Y-FRONTS AND SITS ON THE BOG. HE FLICKS A SWITCH AT THE SIDE OF THE THERMADUMP.

MAN:
Aaaargh!

V/O:
Hmmm, still heats up too quickly. Ok, I haven't used it yet, I was fibbing. Ta for your help. I'll call you an ambulance... you're an ambulance. Sorry, seriously though, I'll dial 999.

MAN HAS NOW PASSED OUT. THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

CUT TO HOSPITAL THEATRE. MAN IS ON A STRETCHER WITH ONLY HIS ASS VISIBLE. A SURGEON IS EXAMINING THE MAN'S ASS CHEEKS WHICH ARE BOTH RED RAW.

SURGEON:
Good lord! This takes chafing to new extremes. We'll have to do a skin graft.

FADE

CUT TO SURGEON FINISHING OFF OPERATION. THE MAN NOW HAS A NIPPLE ON EACH ASS CHEEK.

I s'pose you think that sketch's titilating?

Quote: Stephen Birch @ April 27 2010, 12:48 PM BST

I s'pose you think that sketch's titilating?

View original

Just some daft silliness I came up with. Ta for commenting.

Love it Nigel. I would like a twist at the end though. Perhaps the V/O guy is still around or returns at the end with something else?

Great stuff

"Thermadump... the most luxurious shit possible"
"MAN IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A SMALL PACKET.
V/O:
There's some laxatives, now go shit!"
LOL!

"FADE

CUT TO SURGEON FINISHING OFF OPERATION. THE MAN NOW HAS A NIPPLE ON EACH ASS CHEEK."
This was so delightfully random I cannot tell you how much I just laughed at this bit. Brilliant!

"Hell, I love the Thermadump so much, I practically live in my toilet"
This is a good line, but maybe something like, "Hell, I love the Thermadump so much, I got married on one" might be better.

For some reason, "Thermadump 3000" seems funnier to me. Not sure why.

Quote: Craig H @ April 27 2010, 1:34 PM BST

Love it Nigel. I would like a twist at the end though. Perhaps the V/O guy is still around or returns at the end with something else?

Great stuff

View original

Craig, he has a twist (the nipple bit), and what a twist! Anything more, imho, would be complete overkill and break the sketch. But just my ha'p'orth.

Yes, the star of this sketch is the V/O man. A good punchline from him at the end would work well. Having said that, the sketch is hilarious, especially:

"MAN IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH AN INFLATABLE RING (SHAPED LIKE A TOILET SEAT)"

and:

"V/O:
There's some laxatives, now go shit!"

Very good.

Quote: M Paterson @ April 27 2010, 8:46 PM BST

Yes, the star of this sketch is the V/O man. A good punchline from him at the end would work well.

View original

Formally, that definitely makes sense. However, in this case, I think the sketch is much funnier as is. Really. I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at his punchline. Indeed, part of its hilarity and shock value probably even comes from the fact that, yes, we *do* expect the punchline to be with the narrator (who is, as you say, the star). In fact, when I read the words about the surgeon, I thought, 'oh God, he's broken it', but then a moment later once my eyes had seen the punchline I realised I was wrong. Really, this sketch is wonderful.