British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 2,140

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 21 2010, 8:54 AM BST

Have you been trying to toss off a cheese grater again?

I don't own a cheese grater.

Quote: chipolata @ April 21 2010, 9:01 AM BST

I don't own a cheese grater.

Did your cock slap it and say "I told you I had a headache"

Quote: sootyj @ April 21 2010, 9:02 AM BST

Did your cock slap it and say "I told you I had a headache"

The trouble with all these wank-o-centric theories is that my left hand hurts. I'm right handed and do 'everything' with that one.

Quote: chipolata @ April 21 2010, 9:01 AM BST

I don't own a cheese grater.

:O

But then how do you remove the hard skin from your flesh?

I've received a complaint about my cat killing birds. As far as I'm aware I've done everything I can by getting him neutered and putting collars with bells on him (which he comes home without). There's not much else you can do, is there?

More to the point, how do you grate cheese?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 21 2010, 9:31 AM BST

I've received a complaint about my cat killing birds.

Tell them to shut up. Cats sometimes kill birds.

Quote: Nogget @ April 21 2010, 9:31 AM BST

More to the point, how do you grate cheese?

Maybe he claws at it with his nails. Or throws it repeatedly against a brick.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 21 2010, 9:31 AM BST

I've received a complaint about my cat killing birds. As far as I'm aware I've done everything I can by getting him neutered and putting collars with bells on him (which he comes home without). There's not much else you can do, is there?

Unfortunately, that's what cats do. The complainant should address the complaint to society in general, for the 'sin' making it acceptable to keep such destructive creatures.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 21 2010, 9:32 AM BST

Tell them to shut up. Cats sometimes kill birds.

I was more polite than that. :)

I'm wondering why the girl I've been chatting to for a few days on a dating site hasn't yet disclosed her name. Perhaps the BSG girls have an insight into why she'd continue chatting, but be so 'cautious'?

Quote: Nogget @ April 21 2010, 9:36 AM BST

I'm wondering why the girl I've been chatting to for a few days on a dating site hasn't yet disclosed her name. Perhaps the BSG girls have an insight into why she'd continue chatting, but be so 'cautious'?

Because you're a complete stranger she hasn't met yet?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 21 2010, 9:31 AM BST

I've received a complaint about my cat killing birds. As far as I'm aware I've done everything I can by getting him neutered and putting collars with bells on him (which he comes home without). There's not much else you can do, is there?

They've come to your door and complained to you? Hehe. Cats kill mice and birds (and sometimes frogs). That's just what they do. I find that hilarious. Unless, he's leaving them dead in their house.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 21 2010, 9:38 AM BST

Because you're a complete stranger she hasn't met yet?

And she's just not that sure yet!?

Quote: EllieJP @ April 21 2010, 9:42 AM BST

Unless, he's leaving them dead in their house.

Or nailed to their front door.

Impressive without thumbs to hold a hammer.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ April 21 2010, 9:38 AM BST

Because you're a complete stranger she hasn't met yet?

Well yes, I think you're right, but such caution over saying a name is inconsistent with the level of chattiness we've achieved.

I've always found that people give their name on the very first e-mail. We've had days of e-mails now, and still no name.

Or maybe her name is Stalin or something?

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