Quickie - Bound & Gagged

A TEENAGE GIRL (CHELSEA), SCHOOLBAG ON BACK, IS OPENING THE DOOR TO HER HOUSE. AS SHE ENTERS WE SEE A MAN IN HIS MID FIFTIES IN THE NUDE - HE IS TIED UP, HANDCUFFED TO A CHAIR AND GAGGED WITH DUCT TAPE.

CHELSEA
Dad! What's happened?

CHELSEA RUSHES OVER TO UNTIE HER DAD. AS SHE UNTIES AND UNGAGS HER DAD WE HEAR A WHIPPING NOISE.

CHELSEAS MUM (O.O.V)
Has someone been a naughty boy!?

CHELSEA AND HER DAD LOOK UP TO SEE HER MUM ON THE STAIRCASE IN A MAIDS OUTFIT, HOLDING A WHIP.

CHELSEA
Oh.

CHELSEA REAPPLIES THE TAPE AND AFFIXES THE HANDCUFFS.

CHELSEA
I'll be in my room. Let's go guys.

A LARGE GROUP OF TEENAGERS WALK THROUGH THE DOOR, PASSED CHESLEAS PARENTS UNBEMUSED. EACH ONE GREETING BOTH PARENTS.

GIRL
Hey Mr. M

CHELSEAS DAD (mumbling under the tape)
MmHmm..

Nice one, Craig. 'Tis good.

A small suggestion - if you add a massive beat before the 'let's go guys' - I'd assume the sketch was over, and the double joke might work even better.

A funny sketch though, chief

Agree with Rick but just tinker with the structure to get that pause.

Quote: Craig H @ April 16 2010, 2:24 PM BST

CHELSEA
Oh. I'll be in my room.

CHELSEA REAPPLIES THE TAPE AND AFFIXES THE HANDCUFFS. (Giving the gap)

CHELSEA
Let's go guys.

A LARGE GROUP OF TEENAGERS WALK THROUGH THE DOOR, PASSED CHESLEAS PARENTS UNBEMUSED. EACH ONE GREETING BOTH PARENTS.

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If that works for you?

Also, after the line of girls walks in, the last one could leave the door open for a DHL courier who delivers a package then gets the father to sign for it by sticking a pen in his mouth, then reattaching the tape.

Really good sketch Craig.

Hi Craig, this is a nice sketch as has been said. SlagA's edit on the pause really polishes it up nicely. I could see this working as a scene in something larger as well. Nice and easy to read, made me laugh.

Me likey. SlagA's suggestion works really well.

Funny with a good premise.
Also like SlagA's suggestion

Nice, the punch makes it.

Good stuff!

Like Mr Paterson's suggestion too, it could be a runner.

Quality sketch Craig. A guaranteed loller.

Cheers all!

I need to work on my detail. I often think up a sketch in my head and write it as I see it - perhaps overlooking people can't imagine or see what I'm thinking - so yea, some really helpful feedback. I'll edit the pause. Also, really like Mr Patersons addition of the DHL courier!

EDIT : Hadn't thought about it being a runner - can definitely see that happening. I like my runners.

There's not really enough going on in this sketch for me. I know breaking it down isn't really a fair way of critiquing comedy but in this instance, should you wish to do so, you're left with 'parents interrupted during sex game by kid(s)'. It's an awkward situation for sure but it's not much of a sketch, is it?

Quote: David Bussell @ April 19 2010, 4:34 PM BST

There's not really enough going on in this sketch for me. I know breaking it down isn't really a fair way of critiquing comedy but in this instance, should you wish to do so, you're left with 'parents interrupted during sex game by kid(s)'. It's an awkward situation for sure but it's not much of a sketch, is it?

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That made about as much sense as Hi I'm Brad Pitt.

Quote: Craig H @ April 20 2010, 10:05 AM BST

That made about as much sense as Hi I'm Brad Pitt.

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Sorry, I forgot, you're the guy who only likes compliments. As you were, kiddo.

Quote: David Bussell @ April 20 2010, 10:08 AM BST

Sorry, I forgot, you're the guy who only likes compliments. As you were, kiddo.

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Are you joking me or what?

Have you even read what you said?

Should you wish to do so....

Should I wish to do what?

Your initial message read like you were going to suggest something but you never did.

If you remember right I actually said it would be best if you just never responded to any of my threads. You clearly like to stir things up and are obviously a pretentious git.

I like nothing more than constructive feedback as you can see from my many posted sketches whereby people have offered constructive feedback and I have taken it on board and more often than not bettered my material.

Let's leave it at that.