A JOB INTERVIEW:
TWO INTERVIEWERS ARE SEATED OPPOSITE A PROSPECTIVE CANDIDATE.
INT 1:
Did the agency explain much about the role ?
CANDIDATE:
Not really, they just said you needed someone who was a quick learner, literate & numerate. and I have all four of those qualities in spades.
INT 1:
And you're willing to work hard, and go the extra mile?
CANDIDATE:
Absolutely!
INT 1:
Hmm, that's what we were afraid of.
CANDIDATE:
Sorry?
INT 2:
We were really looking for someone to stay well within the first mile.
INT 1:
Basically, what this company needs, right now, in this role, is someone to make up the numbers. We're not looking for someone to think outside the Box..
INT 2:
What we really need is someone who doesn't particularly care what's in the box in the first place.
CANDIDATE:
I'm not sure I follow you.
INT 2:
That's more like it, just the sort of attitude we're looking for.
INT 1:
We've got a budget, which we'll lose if we don't have a full complement of staff, so what we require is someone to come in sit there & just be a member of staff. Up the headcount so to speak.
INT 2:
Without doing too much work, or muscling in on other peoples duties.
CANDIDATE:
Well It's not really something I'm used to, I usually try to work quite hard and be pro active.
INT 1:
Oh no that's not good at all If we can get someone in who isn't very helpful, then that would really help us out.
CANDIDATE:
Are you being serious? You actually want someone who isn't very good at what they do?
INT 2:
On the Contrary we want someone who is very good at what they do..
INT 1:
As long as what they do isn't very much..
CANDIDATE:
Thinking about it, as weird as this is, I think I could be just the man you're looking for.
INT 2:
You're just trying not to impress us.
CANDIDATE:
No seriously! You name it, I'll ignore it.
INT 1:
We've had a look at your references & we do have some concerns.
CANDIDATE:
Such as?
INT 1:
It seems that your sickness record leaves a lot to be desired.
INT 2:
You've hardly taken any sickies at all, and the ones you have taken all seem genuine.
INT 2 :
We don't really want someone that we can rely on , we need a few spare desks from time to time..
CANDIDATE:
It's something I could work on, I suppose.
INT 1:
Good, Good. Do you have much experience of browsing on the internet ?
CANDIDATE:
A little bit, at lunchtimes.
INT 1:
You'll need to increase that if you want to get nowhere in this company.
INT 2:
We're not one of these stuffy companies that expects you to pretend your working while you're surfing the net.
INT 1:
As long as you get all your browsing done during the day then we don't mind what you do.
CANDIDATE:
Sounds good.
INT 1:
Look, We've got a few more people to see today, but you're definitely the poorest candidate so far, we're quite impressed.
INT 2:
Is there anything you would like to ask us?
CANDIDATE:
Not really, quite frankly I couldn't give a toss.
THE TWO INTERVIEWERS LOOK AT EACH OTHER WITH BIG SMILES & NOD.
INT 1:
Fantastic, could you start Monday.
CANDIDATE:
Nope ! Earliest I can be bothered to come in is Wednesday afternoon.
THE INTERVIEWERS SMILE AT ONE ANOTHER AGAIN
INT 1:
Welcome to the Firm, It's vaguely satisfying to have someone on board.
THEY SHAKE HANDS
CANDIDATE:
Thankyou, I'm more or less relieved not to have to go to any more interviews
