British Comedy Guide

My cat has fleas Page 2

How does he smell?

Quote: Kenneth @ April 15 2010, 3:42 PM BST

Have you made sure your cat is not going hunting down fox burrows? That's how my dog got fleas last year.

Fox Burrows, the porn starlet? I caught more than fleas off her.

Of seamen probably, knowing Nil.

Quote: Leevil @ April 15 2010, 4:15 PM BST

Of seamen probably, knowing Nil.

Laughing out loud

It smells awful, I put it out of it's misery some time ago.

This may help .

Tuning
Step 1
Find a comfortable place to sit facing forward---a chair without armrests is perfect. Place the ukulele on its back on your lap, with the strings facing upward toward you.

Step 2
Tune your banjo ukulele beginning with the top string. Hold the instrument in your lap and turn the tuning pegs slowly counterclockwise while gently plucking the string. A ukulele is commonly tuned to GCEA, with G being the top string.

Step 3
Use a tuning fork or a piano for reference when tuning. Turn the pegs until each string matches the tone of the note in question. This tuning is typically called "my dog has fleas." Tune the banjo ukulele properly and sing "my cat has fleas," with G being the first note, and you'll understand why. Finally, banjo ukulele necks usually have 16 frets.

The best thing to do is firstly to shave it completely to make sure they've got nothing to cling to, then put him on a 10 minute spin cycle. I guarantee you won't have to worry about fleas any more.

Not funnyyyyyyyyyyy. :( Angry

Quote: Chappers @ April 15 2010, 7:44 PM BST

The best thing to do is firstly to shave it completely to make sure they've got nothing to cling to, then put him on a 10 minute spin cycle. I guarantee you won't have to worry about fleas any more.

When my sister was a little girl she did actually put a kitten in the washing machine. She didn't realise it would kill it. Which it did.

Quote: chipolata @ April 15 2010, 7:52 PM BST

When my sister was a little girl she did actually put a kitten in the washing machine. She didn't realise it would kill it. Which it did.

What? The washing machine? Was it under warranty?

Quote: chipolata @ April 15 2010, 7:52 PM BST

When my sister was a little girl she did actually put a kitten in the washing machine. She didn't realise it would kill it. Which it did.

I imagine that would scar her for life.

I have now ordered my Electronic Flea Comb.

:(

Really?

Have you put her in a washing machine? It is only fair.

Quote: Nogget @ April 15 2010, 7:54 PM BST

I imagine that would scar her for life. I have now ordered my Electronic Flea Comb.

As, no doubt, soon will be the cat... Scarred for life... by the electro-comb... If there was any confusion... in my post.
:)

Quote: zooo @ April 15 2010, 7:55 PM BST

:(

Really?

Have you put her in a washing machine? It is only fair.

Afraid so. It wasn't an act of wilful cruelty, she just didn't realise. And once she was sitting against a brick wall and I kicked a football at her head - HARD - from about three feet, which I like to think I did for the kitten.

Quote: chipolata @ April 15 2010, 8:00 PM BST

And once she was sitting against a brick wall and I kicked a football at her head - HARD - from about three feet, which I like to think I did for the kitten.

Was that last week?

Quote: chipolata @ April 15 2010, 8:00 PM BST

Afraid so. It wasn't an act of wilful cruelty, she just didn't realise. And once she was sitting against a brick wall and I kicked a football at her head - HARD - from about three feet, which I like to think I did for the kitten.

That does actually make me feel a bit better. Well played.

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