I'm Sorry I Haven't a Cluedo. Page 2

Quote: Empty @ April 1 2010, 11:12 AM BST

Well, it IS April 1st.

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Yes, but I have been on record before as saying you make a very useful contribution.

Quote: Empty @ April 1 2010, 11:55 AM BST

There was. The title.

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Not

Thanks all for the comments and suggestions
It's much appreciated.

I liked it, but you could easily make it less predictable. For instance, cut out the whole 6 suspects, 6 weapons, and 9 rooms. The joke would be funnier if you had a trainee detective, and his supervisor testing him. There could e a lot of tension- the trainee is nervous. It could be a very serious scene and the ending witht he identification and the envelpoe would work very well. It's tough to get rid of stuff, but that's what comedians do. Your mind will always come up witht he most obvious route home. The comedian's next step is to think hmm how can I make this have more impact? Kepp going daniel-son.

Nice punchline good pacy sketch, has a CLuedo sketch been done before?

For example:

A DETECTIVE WALKS INTO A LIBRARY AND SITS DOWN OPPOSITE HIS TRAINEE:

DT:
So, kid. This is it...the real deal. Dr Black's murderer is on the loose and could kill again. You university kids are all the same. Without your textbooks, without your mothers to scrub your shitty pants. You don't have a clue YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE DO YOU? (Grabbing trainee by the scruff of the neck)WHO KILLED HIM! HOW DID HE KILL HIM! AND COME ON SON, HE'S NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU TO: (insert university joke) SOMEBODY KILLED THAT MAN IN THIS VERY LIBRARY. I BET YOU JUST WANT TO READ A BOOK WHILE WANKING IN YOUR POT NOODLE YOU TAX AVOIDING SCUM!

PC:
I would be guessing sir. Can't we dust for clues?

DT:
Dust for clues? what the hell do you think this is? Murder she bloody wrote? You watch too much TV kid. USE YOUR GUT SON. I tell you, you bloody university student. You know how I solved over 100 crimes? (grabs stomache)This! This is what nobody could teach you. THIS IS REAL LIFE!

PC:
I'm worried...

DT:
(gets more violent) Not as worried as his next victim son. can u feel the rope tagging on your throat. Can you feel the icy cold touch of the dagger as it penetrates the soft tissue in your back?

PC:
Ok it was that guy, number 5. (in cluedo you always choose the man first)

DT:
The clergyman? a man of God. You better be sure son, this is an upstanding member of the community. This is not like the time you shit in a paper and set it alight on your lecturers doorstep. You could wreck lives- there are consequences. How do you suppose he killed her? (mockingly) a church candle stick? You rookies...

PC:
He killed her with the revolver!

DT:
Ah the old revolver! A deadly weapon indeed.

CUT TO:
THE DETECTIVE & THE TRAINEE STANDING IN FRONT OF A TWO WAY MIRROR.
WE PAN ACROSS AN IDENTITY PARADE OF FOUR NORMAL PEOPLE AND THE FIFTH PERSON IS A LIFESIZE GREEN CLUEDO PIECE WITH A DOG COLLAR.

DT:
so you are going for Number five?

PC: (very nervous) yes

DT: (PULLS BLACK ENVELOPE OUT OF HIS TOP POCKET, AND TAKES A PEEK)
I Think you may be right.

END

I think it would be better to be accurate with the cluedo rules whilst cunningly disguising them with detective spiel so that nobody suspects the joke (i don't know the rules of cluedo)

Nice one, Mr Sunshine.

Somewhat coincidentally, when I was writing sketches for a Radio 4 pilot back in November, I was trying to do a sketch based on applying the absurd parameters of Cluedo to a real life murder investigation.

I abandoned it in the end as it I couldn't get a decent twist into the piece, which I think it needs once the audience has cottoned on to the premise. Perhaps it is a bit too linear as it stands (as others have said), but I'm certain there is good Cluedo sketch to be written by someone, so keep at it.

The movie based on Cluedo, Clue, is excellent, particularly Tim Curry rushing about and the multiple endings. Somewhat coincidentally, the actress playing the maid in Clue later played the arcade game chain owner's wife in Wayne's World, which also has multiple endings.

Nice sketch Ste (as always).

Here's a tenuously related pic:

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ March 31 2010, 9:28 PM BST

A DETECTIVE WALKS INTO A WINDOWLESS ROOM AND SITS DOWN OPPOSITE A UNIFORMED POLICEMAN:

DT:
As you know I'm here to help with the Doctor Black Murder. So I want you to tell me everything you have so far.

PC:
It's a complete mystery at the moment sir.

DT:
Well you must have something, what was the murder weapon?

PC:
We're not entirely sure but we have narrowed down sir, it was either a Dagger.....

DT:
Ah the old Dagger! A deadly weapon indeed.

PC:
Or a Revolver, A rope, some lead piping, a spanner, or a candlestick

DT:
What! You've got it narrowed down to six murder weapons! Could you be any less specific? What did the autopsy say, what clues were found in the room?

PC:
To be honest sir, we're not sure what room it was either.

DT:
Not sure what room it was? Not sure what bloody room it was? Where did you find the body for Gods sake?

PC:
We do have it narrowed down to nine, The Ballroom, the Library....

DT:
For crying out loud! Do we at least have a suspect?

PC:
Not a suspect as such....

DT:
How many?

PC:
Six.

DT:
Six possible weapons, Six possible suspects, and nine possible rooms ... what kind of investigation are you running here?

PC:
It's been quite fun actually.

DT:
Don't play games with me, if we don't solve this then it will happen again, & again & again & it won't be fun believe me.

PC:
We do have an eye witness.

DT:
At last! Something concrete!

PC:
She thinks it was the Clergyman, she's coming in today for an ID parade.

CUT TO:
THE DETECTIVE & THE PC STANDING WITH AN OLD LADY IN FRONT OF A TWO WAY MIRROR.
WE PAN ACROSS AN IDENTITY PARADE OF FOUR PEOPLE IN VICAR COSTUMES AND THE FIFTH PERSON IS A LIFESIZE GREEN CLUEDO PIECE.

OLD LADY:
It's Number five, definitely number five, I'd recognize that face anywhere.

PC: (PULLS BLACK ENVELOPE OUT OF HIS TOP POCKET, AND TAKES A PEEK)
I Think she may be right.

END

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lol

Enjoyed it Steve.

Does anyone else think that the creator of Cluedo originally intend it to be pronounced "clue-doo" rather than "clue-dough"?

Quote: John Mairs @ April 11 2010, 12:00 PM BST

Does anyone else think that the creator of Cluedo originally intend it to be pronounced "clue-doo" rather than "clue-dough"?

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Not if it was a play on words of ludo. Which it probably was.

Thank you for that.
I had never connected the two.
Yay! No more sleepless nights pondering!

Quote: John Mairs @ April 11 2010, 12:00 PM BST

Does anyone else think that the creator of Cluedo originally intend it to be pronounced "clue-doo" rather than "clue-dough"?

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I think he intended my preferred pronounciation: Cl-ugh-ed-doo-**spitting rasp to end**