WE SEE A PILOT IN THE COCKPIT OF A PLANE. THE DOOR OPENS AND A STEWARDESS STAGGERS IN LOOKING PALE AND BREATHING HEAVILY:
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Susan what's wrong? You look terrible.
SUSAN:
I don't know Captain, It's the Cabin Crew they've all... they've all..
(SHE COLLAPSES ON THE FLOOR)
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Good lord!
(HE REMOVES HIS HEADSET, GETS OUT OF HIS SEAT AND KNEELS DOWN BESIDE HER)
Still breathing... thank heavens. Susan! Susan can you hear me?
(HE EXITS THE COCKPIT AND WE SEE THREE OTHER CABIN CREW COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR)
HE TAKES A FEW DEEP BREATHS TO CALM HIMSELF AND ENTERS THE CABIN THROUGH THE CURTAIN. IN THE CABIN WE SEE THAT EVERY SINGLE PASSENGER IS WEARING FULL PILOTS UNIFORM)
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Ladies & Gentleman, I don't want you to panic but does anyone on this plane have any experience pushing a trolley.
EVERYONE ON THE PLANE STARTS TO PANIC WE SEE A CLOSE UP OF ONE OF THE PILOTS CROSSING HIMSELF & PRAYING FURIOUSLY WHILE IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIM SOMEONE IS STARTING TO HYPER VENTILATE.
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Please stay calm... I must ask again does anyone have any experience whatsoever of serving drinks & snacks.
AMIDST THE PANIC WE GO TO A CLOSE UP OF ANOTHER TWO PILOTS SITTING AT THE BACK. ONE FEMALE, ONE MALE. THE MANS EYES ARE DARTING FROM SIDE TO SIDE.
LAURA:
Jeremy. Didn't you used to...
JEREMY:
Laura, please no... That was years ago.
LAURA: (GRABS HIS HAND)
We need you Jeremy You're the only one with that kind of experience!
JEREMY:
It's a whole different ball game these days, so much has changed. Just look at the size of that Trolley.
LAURA:
Please Jeremy, If you don't at least try then every man woman or child on this plane is going to end up severely peckish or slightly thirsty.
CAPTAIN JEREMY STEELS HIMSELF AND THEN REMOVES HIS CAP & JACKET. LAURA SMILES AN ENCOURAGING SMILE AND THEN HANDS HIM A YELLOW NECK SCARVE.
LAURA:
You'll need this (KISSES HIM FULL ON THE LIPS) Good luck!
DRAMATIC MUSIC AS CAPTAIN JEREMY PUTS THE SCARVE ON AND WALKS PURPOSEFULLY DOWN THE AISLE TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE PLANE WHILE THE PASSENGERS START TO APPLAUD.
JEREMY:
Captain Jeremy Keegan at your service. You need someone to operate this thing?
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN: (SHAKES JEREMYS HAND FIRMLY)
Tim Franklyn! Thank God you're here. Have you pushed one of these before?
JEREMY:
I did a few snacks and beverages back in the Gulf War. but nothing on this scale.. I mean look at this thing. I wouldn't even know where the crisps go.
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
It can't be that different you just push here and..
(THE TROLLEY DOESN'T BUDGE)
What the hell is wrong with this damned thing!
JEREMY: (KNEELS DOWN AND EXAMINES THE TROLLEY)
Don't worry the safety breaks are on... they should be somewhere... around (CLICK) here.
HE PUSHES THE TROLLEY AND IT EDGES FORWARD SHAKING
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Steady now. nice & slow
JEREMY:
Have you informed the control Tower?
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
I'll put a call through to the Trolley Dolly section there must be someone there who can talk you through this. Now whenever you're ready I'll have a Diet Coke & Some Pringles. Good luck Captain Keegan we're all counting on you.
JEREMY:
I'll do my best Captain!
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Oh Captain Keegan don't forget..
JEREMY:
Yes?
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
Diet Coke... not regular.
(CAPTAIN FRANKLYN GIVES HIM A NOD & TURNS TOWARDS THE COCKPIT)
WE CUT TO THE CONTROL TOWER AND A STEWARDESS IS SPEAKING INTO A MICROPHONE.
STEWARDESS:
Now to your right you should see a coffee pot on a tray I want you to lift the tray gently & ask if the passenger wants a coffee, if they say yes then gently pour the coffee into the cup provided.
BACK ON THE PLANE JEREMY SHAKILY POURS A COFFEE AND SPILLS SOME OF IT
A PASSENGER SCREAMS CAUSING MORE PANIC.
JEREMY:
Jesus It's so hot! I can't hold it anymore. where's the milk, where the hell is the bloody milk.
STEWARDESS:
You're doing fine. Just keep calm and try not to spill anymore, we don't have time to refill. you'll find the Milk in tray 2 next to the ice cubes.
WE THEN HAVE A MONTAGE OF JEREMY CAREFULLY POURING DRINKS AND HANDING OUT CRISPS AND PACKS OF CIGARETTES AS THE PASSENGERS CONTINUALLY LOOK SCARED AND ILL AT EASE.
FINALLY WE SEE A YOUNGSTER IN PILOTS UNIFORM DROP AN EMPTY TIN IT FALLS IN SLOW MOTION AND JEREMY DIVES TO CATCH IT AND THEN PLACES IT IN THE PLASTIC BIN BAG.
TANNOY: CABIN CREW TO LANDING POSITIONS.
THE PASSENGERS ALL CHEER AS JEREMY WAVES TRIUMPHANTLY AS HE PUSHES THE TROLLEY TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE PLANE. WE SEE THE STEWARDESSES IN THE CONTROL TOWER HUGGING & CHEERING.
JEREMY: (ENTERING THE COCKPIT)
It was touch & go for a while Captain.. I really didn't think we'd make it.
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN:
I know what you mean. Look at me I'm shaking like a leaf.
JEREMY:
Well we're landing soon. Are you sure you don't need someone to relieve you?
CAPTAIN FRANKLYN: (UNZIPPING HIMSELF)
Wow! Those girls in the Control Tower really know their stuff.
END
