KDancin
Wednesday 7th April 2010 10:50am [Edited]
23 posts
Hello,
I've taken on advice here and on another forum and updated this script.
Specific items
- character personalities brought out further in speech and behaviour
- increased character conflicts
- strengthened core story arc significantly
- removed any radio pieces
I'd be very very grateful for anyone who takes the time to read it.
Attachment
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/attachment.php?attachmentid=110053&d=1270637260
Introduction
SCENE 1 - Introduction to the war
OPEN TO COMPLETE DARKNESS.
BLACK SCREEN. SOUND ONLY.
NEWSREADER USA
(AMERICAN ACCENT, IN WHISPERED INCREDULOUS TONE)
Incredible scenes, I'm on 5th Avenue in Manhatten, on the 55th floor of the strikingly tall Envoy building.
(SOUND OF EXPLOSIONS)
Oh my God, incredible - the sky is pockmarked with amber and gold explosions. The initial explosions are giving way to a cascade of submunitions descending in arcs into the desolate and ravaged city of New York.
I don't know if you can capture the sounds, but - my God, it's incredible.
It's a POW-POW, WHIIISP, CRAKKK.
The explosions are followed by a sharp hissing and cracking, and the bomblets, like embers, are dropping almost elegantly into the city below.
CUT TO TV NEWSREADER
NEWSREADER (PRIMARY)
(DISTINCTLY BRITISH ACCENT, CIGAR CHEWING SATISFACTION)
Ah hah. We got em!
CUT TO THE OFFICE.
MARTIN, BUTLER AND DOM WATCHING THE TV.
SITTING ON COUCH WITH CRISPS AND SNACKS ON COFFEE TABLE.
MARTIN
(GENUINE EXCITEMENT, DOES GUN SOUNDS AND ACTIONS. JUMPING UP AND DOWN. TRYING TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS)
Whoo. Peow Peow! Peow Peow! Peow Peow!
DOM
(DOES GUN SOUNDS AND ACTIONS, BUT NOT NATURALLY AS ENTHUSED AS MARTIN)
Yea. Peow Peow! Yea yea.
BUTLER
(VERY EXCITED BUT RESTRAINED)
Good Heavens!
FACES RETURN TO WATCHING TV.
NEWSREADER (PRIMARY)
(BRITISH ACCENT)
The war is now 150 days old. At last we have struck! - at the heart! - of the enemy!
Ah hah.
(CUPS HIS EAR AS RECEIVING WORD IN EARPIECE)
Word now is that it is our allies in Russia are credited for the scenes in New York City...
(SOME STATIC IS HEARD)
oh oh... oh oh... Ah. Ah very good. Our Russian correspondent is on the line, Viktor Viktor Putin:
NEWSREADER REMAINS ON SCREEN BUT A PICTURE OF RUSSIAN CORRESPONDENT TAKES UP HALF THE SCREEN. CLICHED RUSSIAN PHOTO.
RUSSIA CORRESPONDENT
(RUSSIAN ACCENT, VERY SLOW WITTED)
Viktor, -- Viktor, ---- Viktor. Can you hear me?
NEWSREADER (PRIMARY)
Yes Viktor. I can hear you.
And yes, my name is also Viktor.
Greetings.
RUSSIA CORRESPONDENT
Ah good. Viktor.
We have struck! - at the heart! - of the enemy!
NEWSREADER (PRIMARY)
(INCREDULOUS)
I just made the very same observation.