British Comedy Guide

Slightly odd stuff.

TWO MALE PARTNERS, JOHN AND CHRIS, SHARE A HOUSE WITH ANOTHER MAN, ANT, WHILE THEY ARE AT UNIVERSITY. JOHN IS THE MORE 'CONTROLLING' SIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIP WHILE CHRIS TENDS TO ACT SHY IN HIS PRESENCE.

John: Chris, where do you think you're going?

(Chris is heading out of the door with his coat on)

Chris: Well, I was just goi-

John: Do you know what night it is?

Chris: Tuesday? Why?

John: Anything special about Tuesday?

Chris: Well, our show is on? Come Dine with me?

John: Not that you idiot.

Chris: Why are you annoyed? You love Come Dine with me?

John: Oh for god's sake Chris! Its role-play Tuesday! Did you not read the post-it on the fridge?

Chris: I - I didn't -

John: Well. (closing the door infront of him) We best come back inside shan't we?

Chris: Hmm. (follows him into the living room)

John: We'll pick up where we left off I think. I'll play Sherlock Holmes, you Dr. Watson. We've just arrived at my house to celebrate our most recent success and I've had one too many to drink. Now. (straightening himself up)
You did well today, Watson.

Chris: Look, I don't really want -

John: (stern) I said: you did well today, Watson.

(Ant now comes through the door and both Chris and John jump)

Ant: Hey I've got a- WHOA?

John: Oh my god. I thought you were out?

Ant: No, I've been. Busy.

Chris: Its not what it looks like..

Ant: (to John) I've got a problem..

John: What now?

Ant: You know the message you left on the fridge?

John: 'Rave - Saturday'?

Ant: Yeah. Well, here's the thing. The 'v' in 'rave' really looked like a 'p'.. And yeah as I said, I've got a bit of a to-do upstairs.

Chris: What?!

John: You are joking?

Ant: Wish I was. You threatened to kick me out if I didn't abide by the post-its!

John: Did you not stop to think? Oh What am I saying? Whats going on up there then?

Ant: (trailing) Well..

John: Can't you just let her go?

Ant: Him. I can't let him go.

John: Why the f**k not?

Ant: You know that smell you said was like a rotting child?

John: yes..?

Ant: You weren't far off..

John: (standing up) WHAT THE FUCK!

Ant: Haha, I'm kidding you, you dick!

John: (sitting down) F**k, you had me worried! I thought you'd turned into some serial killer!

Ant: Yah well, I was bored thought id tug on your - leg. So yeah, were you doing acting again?

John: Well, we were.

Chris: I didn't want to.

(John casts him a look)

Chris: But I do now, I love it. (forced smile)

Ant: Oh right, you doing the Sherlock script?

John: How do you know about that?

Ant: I found it in your room?

John: What were you doing in there?

Ant: Well, the thing is, I was going for a quick.. you know. And I had already been that day. The cock crowed thrice if you get my drift! So I had to find something. Even ebony wasn't working for me and that usually gets me when Im feeling dirty.. So I found that in your room when I was looking through some of your stuff.. And I gotta tell you, its got potential.

(Shocked looks are exchanged between John and Chris)

I love the idea of a Sherlock Holmes role-play.. haha

Not funny. Not clever.

Clean up your period Empty

Quote: Paddy of Dyslexia @ March 25 2010, 8:30 PM GMT

Clean up your period Empty

Seeing as you're advertised as dyslexic, I presume you meant Pernod? I don't drink it, so no spillage to worry your little head over.

Girls have been proven to have mood swings during the time of Menstruation - otherwise known as a period.

Furthermore, what the freaking hell is Pernod?

I thought Empty was a bloke. Huh?

Pernod is an aniseed tasting licquer.

Right, well he may be a bloke but he likes to spread unfertilised eggs on my thread.

Quote: Empty @ March 25 2010, 7:48 PM GMT

Not funny. Not clever.

A little bit prickly this Empty. Although I am no better qualified than you (in terms of posts etc.) my understanding of posting stuff in Critique is so that like minded people can give you constructive feedback (which I know you have done in other threads). There is nothing constructive in your comment at all, it is just inflammatory.

Quote: will Cam @ March 25 2010, 9:50 PM GMT

A little bit prickly this Empty. Although I am no better qualified than you (in terms of posts etc.) my understanding of posting stuff in Critique is so that like minded people can give you constructive feedback (which I know you have done in other threads). There is nothing constructive in your comment at all, it is just inflammatory.

Luckily, I am not like-minded in this instance. My constructive feedback was as concise as feasible given the material.

Got to agree with Will, that your first post can't be described as constructive.

Quote: SlagA @ March 25 2010, 10:04 PM GMT

Got to agree with Will, that your first post can't be described as constructive.

By all means ignore me. It's personal taste and I'm a mere nobody. Clearly you have something constructive to say about this material, so I look forward to reading your criticism.

Quote: Empty @ March 25 2010, 10:08 PM GMT

By all means ignore me. It's personal taste and I'm a mere nobody. Clearly you have something constructive to say about this material, so I look forward to reading your criticism.

Try 'Always' it will never let you down, they have extra absorption technology now I hear.

Quote: Paddy of Dyslexia @ March 25 2010, 10:12 PM GMT

Try 'Always' it will never let you down, they have extra absorption technology now I hear.

As a retort that's about as weak as your skit. This is constructive criticism, btw. Hope it helps with your next Wildean comeback.

Quote: Empty @ March 25 2010, 10:08 PM GMT

By all means ignore me. It's personal taste and I'm a mere nobody. Clearly you have something constructive to say about this material, so I look forward to reading your criticism.

No, you're not a nobody. :)

Elsewhere in other threads, IIRC, you make some good points. If you have nothing constructive to add to a thread then it's up to you not to comment, rather than expect later readers to ignore your comments. It's also part of the forum etiquette.

Quote: Empty @ March 25 2010, 10:15 PM GMT

As a retort that's about as weak as your skit. This is constructive criticism, btw.

Wrong again. That's not constructive criticism. :O :)

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