Scene From My Sitcom

Hello everyone

A short scene from my sitcom "Overdue Books" any suggestions or comment would be gratefully appreciated. Also if you spot any grammar or spelling errors do let me known, thanks.

INT. QUEENHILL LIBRARY HELP DESK

DONALD 30S, HEAD LIBRARIAN, IS READING A COMIC BOOK. LISA 30S, LIBRARIAN, ENTERS.

LISA
Sorry I'm late. My clock didn't go off this morning.

DONALD
Again? Perhaps you should buy a new clock.

LISA
If it happens again, I'll definitely buy a new clock.

DONALD
By then it'll be too late.

LISA
What do you mean too late?

DONALD
By that time you'll be replaced...
(LAUGHS) I'm just kidding, You can never be replaced... We'll just get a toaster for the staff room instead.

LISA
Yeah you're really funny. Anyway's could I borrow a fiver for lunch? I'm skint. I'll pay you back on pay day.

DONALD
Oh I'm sorry Lisa I forgot my wallet....

LISA
(INTERRUPTING) I'll pay you back with interest.

DONALD
Oh wait. Just remembered I got some money in my pocket. A fiver eh? (TAKES OUT HIS WALLET) so twenty percent sound fair.

LISA
Ten.

DONALD
Fifteen

LISA
Twenty.

DONALD
Ten

LISA
Deal.

DONALD
Damn...

LISA
(TAKES THE NOTE) Thank you.

DONALD
So, how are things going with you and your roommate?

LISA
Not too great. I mean we're supposed to share all the bill's 50/50 but I end up paying for it. The rent, the gas bills, electricity bill, the phone bill, the grocery. I end up feeding her three meals a day. I feel like if I'm her mother My grocery bill is so huge I don't think I can really afford it any longer.

DONALD
I know how you feel. I used to have a roommate like that. She never offered to reimburse me for anything.

LISA
I'm getting really fed up with her freeloading, but I just don't know how to tell her. She just can't seem to hold down a job.

DONALD
Well, you really need to do something about it.

LISA
Your right maybe I should just have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Anyway how did you deal with your situation.

DONALD
I just packed her stuff. Drove her to the nearest old folks homes and left her on their doorstep.

LISA
Old folks home?

DONALD
Yes Old folks home?

LISA
How old was your room mate?

DONALD
62.

LISA
62? Is that not a bit weird. Having an old room mate?

DONALD
There is nothing wrong about having your mother as a roommate.

GEORGE 30S, SECURITY GUARD, ENTERS.

DONALD (CONT'D)
Morning officer.

LISA
Officer? Aren't you just a security guard?

GEORGE
Not anymore, We had a big union meeting yesterday regarding pay rise and job title.

LISA
That's great, you got a pay rise.

GEORGE
No we didn't get a pay rise. (PROUDLY) But they agreed that we can refer to each other as officers.

LISA
Okay. What about benefits.

GEORGE
Nope. But we did get a bacon roll.

LISA
(SARCASTIC) Oh, a bacon roll. That's brilliant.

GEORGE
And they were from Greggs.

I realise it is a small extract, but my first thoughts are that there is a lot of chat and very few laughs. I did like the mother joke but IMO it took far too long to set up and deliver. It would be good to get a synopsis of what the sitcom is about so that I could see where you are trying to head to in the script.

Def.

hi Deferenzm, thanks for your comment

OVERDUE BOOKS

Synopsis

Overdue books is a sitcom set in Queenshill library a fictional area of Glasgow, it revolves around Donald a short-fused librarian, his assistant Lisa, his friend George who's a security guard and Helen who's Lisa's elderly, tightwad, and nosey neighbor.

Characters

Donald

Donald is a short-fused, rude, highly strung, suspicious, librarian with an extreme dislike towards human species especially elderly people, who he often attacks, (mostly verbally) over silly things and sometimes for no apparent reason. He enjoys doing as little as possible, shows no interest in anything especially if it's work related and hates to interact with people except his oldest and only friend George who's a security guard and his colleague Lisa.

Lisa

Lisa is a sympathetic, friendly and the most proficient librarian, often try's to diffuse difficult situations created by Donald. Although she doesn't have much of a social life but still is constantly cheerful and positive; she enjoys watching movies and eating junk food. Often she tries to avoid her elderly neighbor Helen, especially her "lengthy" short stories. She practically knows everything about Helen's and her family, even though she hasn't actually met any of them

Helen

Helen is Lisa's demanding elderly neighbor, who regularly comes to the library for a free cup of tea and biscuits and can be annoying with her incessant tittle-tattle and her consistent complaining about things like, the price of groceries, the weather and not having enough time to get done what has to be done. At times she can also be a bit of miser, as she is often trying to get things for free, whether it's a cup of tea, stamps and quite often "borrows" things from Lisa with no intention of returning them, whether it's a pint of milk or the toaster.

George

George is a good-natured overweight security guard who works at the local shopping mall across the library and isn't very good at his job, but likes to be referred as an "Officer". He has low intelligence and often gets easily confused. He is constantly on a diet, from one disastrous diet to another. On one occasion he couldn't figure out why he wasn't losing any weight after he replaced his favourite snacks with thirty oranges a day. He regularly comes to the library during his breaks.

Man with a box

A black man trapped in an Asian man's body, usually visits the library with a box full of faulty or stolen goods. On one occasion he tried to sell books that he had stolen from the library back to the library.

Yeah the mother joke was good, I also liked the toaster joke and when george enters

DONALD
Morning officer.

LISA
Officer? Aren't you just a security guard?

GEORGE
Not anymore, We had a big union meeting yesterday regarding pay rise and job title.

LISA
That's great, you got a pay rise.

GEORGE
No we didn't get a pay rise. (PROUDLY) But they agreed that we can refer to each other as officers.

LISA
Okay. What about benefits.

GEORGE
Nope. But we did get a bacon roll.

LISA
(SARCASTIC) Oh, a bacon roll. That's brilliant.

GEORGE
And they were from Greggs.