British Comedy Guide

Zombie Killers

Probably a bit too SOTD inspired but nevermind, finding it hard coming up with sketches based in a living room. As that's the only place I can film.

Let me know what you think.

INT. LIVING ROOM
Two men in a living room, look like they've been in a fight, a Zombie is tied to a chair struggling.  Steve is finishing tying the knot.  Alan is holding a Cricket Bat.

STEVE
Well we can't have a zombie living in the house.  You're gonna have to kill him.

ALAN
I'm not killing him!  He's my best mate.

STEVE
I thought I was your best mate?

ALAN
Yeah... you are.  Or will be, soon as you bash his brains in.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Braaaiiins!

Alan hands Steve the Cricket Bat.

STEVE
I'm not doing it!

ALAN
Oh Come on!  You're always complaining about him stealing your Vimto and, uh... never doing the washing up.

STEVE
Yeah... and it's his turn again.  But it seems a bit harsh to kill him for that!  Ahh!!  And what about that fifty quid he owes you?  That's a good of a reason as any to mash his Melon.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Meeelllooons!

Steve hands Alan the Cricket Bat.

ALAN
That's true.  Oh hang on!

Alan reaches into Zombie's pocket and pulls out a mobile phone.

ALAN
I'll flog his phone on Ebay then we're all quits.  So it's back on you with your Vimto vendetta.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Viiieeenetta!!

Alan hands Steve the Cricket Bat.

STEVE
Hmmm.  I didn't want to have to tell you this mate, but the other day... I, uh caught Dave groping your Nan.

ZOMBIE DAVE
(Normal Human Voice)
No you didn't!

ALAN + STEVE
Dave?!!!

ZOMBIE DAVE
Oh, uh look.  It's a miracle, I'm all cured... and... stuff.

ALAN
Did you just pretend to be a Zombie to get out of doing the washing up?

ZOMBIE DAVE
Yeah, sorry lads.

Steve runs at Dave with Cricket bat raised above his head, swings down and smashes his head.

STEVE
Aaaargghh!!

Quote: ShoePie @ March 19 2010, 6:09 PM GMT

Probably a bit too SOTD inspired but nevermind, finding it hard coming up with sketches based in a living room. As that's the only place I can film.

Let me know what you think.

INT. LIVING ROOM
Two men in a living room, look like they've been in a fight, a Zombie is tied to a chair struggling.  Steve is finishing tying the knot.  Alan is holding a Cricket Bat.

STEVE
Well we can't have a zombie living in the house.  You're gonna have to kill him.

ALAN
I'm not killing him!  He's my best mate.

STEVE
I thought I was your best mate?

ALAN
Yeah... you are.  Or will be, soon as you bash his brains in.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Braaaiiins!

Alan hands Steve the Cricket Bat.

STEVE
I'm not doing it!

ALAN
Oh Come on!  You're always complaining about him stealing your Vimto and... never doing the washing up.

STEVE
Yeah... and it's his turn again.  But I don't want to kill him for it!  Ahh!!  But what about that fifty quid he owes you?  That's a good a reason as any to mash his Melon.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Meeelllooons!

Steve hands Alan the Cricket Bat.

ALAN
That's true.  Oh hang on!

Alan reaches into Zombie's pocket and pulls out a mobile phone.

ALAN
I'll flog this on Ebay then we're quits.  So it's back to you and your Vimto vendetta.

ZOMBIE DAVE
Viiieeenetta!!

Alan hands Steve the Cricket Bat.

STEVE
Hmmm.  I didn't want to have to tell you this but... Dave's been sleeping with your girlfriend.

ZOMBIE DAVE
(Normal Human Voice)
No I haven't!

ALAN + STEVE
Dave?!!!

ZOMBIE DAVE
Oh, uh look.  It's a miracle, I'm all cured... And... stuff.

ALAN
Did you just pretend to be a Zombie to get out of doing the washing up?

ZOMBIE DAVE
Yeah, sorry lads.

Steve runs at Dave with Cricket bat raised above his head, swings down and smashes his head.

STEVE
Aaaargghh!!

Made me laugh.

Quote: Empty @ March 19 2010, 6:18 PM GMT

Made me laugh.

Thanks Empty, I'm glad you liked it.

I've made a few small changes, the main one was I changed 'Sleeping with your girlfriend' to 'Groping your nan'. Although I've probably taken it too far now!! I'll probably film both versions and decide how rude I want to be in the edit! :)

Good stuff Shoepie. Funny dialogue throughout and great ending.

Made me laugh Shoepie.
I always like your stuff & I thought there were some brilliant lines in there.
No worries about Zombies in the living room being cliched.
Just don't stick one in an office, that's so last year or so.
:D Whistling nnocently

Bloody genius stuff, funny with perfect pacing.

Ha. Good man!! liked it :D

I look forward to seeing this animated.

:)

:$ Thank you all very much!

Quote: The Giggle-o @ March 20 2010, 12:38 AM GMT

I look forward to seeing this animated.

Cheers Giggle-o, If I can I'm actually hoping to film it with some gruesome zombie make-up.

Agree with the others, very good indeed.

Thanks Nigel, everyone.

Will have another rewrite next weekend. Something now doesn't quite feel right about 'drinking his Vimto' as an annoyance, it seems too specific and obvious of a set-up. Plus I now prefer Vienetta Vendetta anyway so will try and work that in. :)

This is finally pencilled in to be filmed on the 19th! :)

This updated version is better I think and possibly closer to being a short film than a sketch. Any feedback greatly appreciated!

http://www.shoepie.co.uk/misc/zombie-housemate.pdf

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