Work Git - a sketch

This 'un work?

(Rich gets on a bus, talking on his phone. He sits. When Andrew enters he will react appropriately to what Rich says)

RICH
Yeah, tell me about it. I don't know how long I can handle the job to be honest
(He looks out of the window and doesn't see Andrew moving into the seat behind him).

There's this one bloke I really can't stand. (pause) Well for starters he's really lanky and he always wears this stupid hat. Absolutely ridiculous. When he takes it off he shakes his head like he's some model. And he picks his nose with his thumb, revolting. (pause) You can tell that he thinks he's a real ladies man, but all the girls at work hate him as much as I do. Apparently he's got a really smelly penis. 'Smell Bell' they call him.

(Andrew hears this and smiles, not realising Rich is talking about him).

(pause) Oh he's just got a really weird face. A long nose and, get this, no Adams apple. (Andrew twigs) What a freak! Hey you'll like this..I stuck a note to his back this morning. Yup, I think it's still there

(Andrew retrieves the note from his back. It says 'I am a twat' on it).

(pause) The other week I took a phone call for him. I didn't tell him. (pause) I dunno something about his mother being really sick or something. Guess what? This morning I found his toothbrush and wiped it round the loo. Everyone was laughing. It was hysterical!

I must have been feeling really vindictive today because apparently he's got this really bad nut allergy. I wanted to wipe a load of nuts on the cup he uses. So next time he made some tea, he'd have a reaction. Everyone was saying 'Don't! He'll go into a coma'. (pause) Yeah you're probably right (pause)...Well I did it anyway when they left the room!

(Andrew starts frothing at the mouth and collapses. Rich gets up and leaves the bus)

(pause)I know, aren't I just! Anyway, how's your job going? (pause) No waaaay!

Hey Greens,

I liked it, but thought it would work better with Rich being female?

I'm not sure about the toothbrush bit, how would you 'find' a colleagues toothbrush? I'd also change the 'I must have been feeling vindictive today....' to 'I'm such a bitch.....'

Hey Greensville.

Are you planning on filming this one?
Having seen some of your previous sketches/works helped me visualise this one. I found the end line a little confusing, I'm not sure why he is saying 'Nooo way!'? Has he just seen the guy frothing at the mouth?
Overall it was quite a nice compact idea, with a fulfilling punch. Look forward to seeing the filmed version if you do so.

Angiebaby -Will have a think about Rich being a lass. Don't think it changes the dynamic too much. The 'bitch' would work well if I changed the sex though.

I figured Rich could have fished Andrew's toothbrush out of his bag or something. Make it really nasty!

Giggle-o - Rich was carrying on the conversation with whoever he was on the phone to. He never sees Andrew. I'll take another look if you don't think this is clear enough.

Nope, my error. Leave as is.

Quote: greensville @ March 18 2010, 8:40 PM GMT

Angiebaby -Will have a think about Rich being a lass. Don't think it changes the dynamic too much. The 'bitch' would work well if I changed the sex though.

I figured Rich could have fished Andrew's toothbrush out of his bag or something. Make it really nasty!

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I guess I've worked in offices with women too long to think that men gossip too, or maybe it's because I'm the biggest gossip

I thought it might be good visually if the other guy fancied her, and was pleased to sit next to her on the bus, thinking this is his chance...but she's bitching about him. She could say something like 'Ew, there's this gross guy being sick on the bus', as she steps over him.

Any way you want to go is good because it works in all directions

I think Angie is right, Greensville. Rich seems too bitchy and gossipy to be male. Make Rich into Rach.

If it's a part you were planning to play yourself, just don a wig and some falsies. You're pretty enough to pull it off.

Agree that Rich should be a Rach.

Was kinda wondering how the sketch was going to end...didn't see it coming where the guy froths and collapses. That is pure genius. A cracking ending. Well done.

Yep, agree. Definitely a girl speaking there. What guy talks about smelly penis'?

Quote: EllieJP @ March 19 2010, 3:35 PM GMT

Yep, agree. Definitely a girl speaking there. What guy talks about smelly penis'?

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I was at a wedding and the best man called the groom 'smell bell' during his speech.

In the sketch it was originally 'small penis' but one of my friends mis-read it and I thought smelly might be funnier. That the case??

Smelly is more reactionary. Small is too easy.

'Smelly, stinking, vomit inducing penis' it is.