SCENE1
KIRK, SPOCK AND MCCOY ARE TALKING IN KIRK'S OFFICE
KIRK
I've just had a topsecret briefing by Starfleet command. We're facing a terrible new foe, one that could cripple the whole of Starfleet.
SPOCK
A super intelligent virus infiltrating those primitive fermented diary products you humans insist on eating? We Vulcans have long evolved past the need for cheeses or even yoghurt.
MCCOY
Why you soulless, devil eared, venusian vegan.
KIRK
No, now knock it off you two. No with modern space medicine there's a massive hole in Starfleet's pension budget.
SPOCK
So are Starfleet officers going to have to spend years longer in service past their prime.
MCCOY
Damn it Jim I'm not a pension's adviser I'm a..a...a what am I?
SPOCK
You're the ship's Dr.
MCCOY
Damn I thought I was supposed to clean the space toilets. I get so forgetful.
JIM
No we've been asked to be a little more liberal with "space, health and safety."
MCCOY
JIm are you suggesting we deliberately make our operations more dangerous? I'm not a immigrant, gang master, I'm a....
SPOCK
Dr you senile f**kwit.
JIM
Spock! If you're getting the ponfarr you can wank in a space suit like the rest of us.
SPOCK
Sorry captain and abusing the space suits would be most logical. So how will we identify these surplus crew members?
JIM
Starfleet thought of that.
JIM HOLDS UP A RED JERSEY ALL LAUGH NASTILY.
SCENE2
JIM IS ADRESSING AN AUDIENCE.
JIM
You complete bastards. Well it won't work you're all still going on poorly planned away missions. But first I want to know who these belong to?
SPOCK HOLDS UP A BOTTLE OF BLEACH AND SOME WHITE UNDERPANTS.
WE SEE THE CREW OF THE ENTERPISE ARE WEARING FADED REDSHIRTS, SOME ARE TIE DYED AND SOME ARE NEAR PINK