New Single.

INT STUDIO.
THE HOST IS SITTING NEXT TO YOUNG RAPPER FRESH KARIM. A SONG IS JUST FINISHING ON THE VIDEO SCREEN

PRESENTER:
And that was an exlusive first look at 'Crack My Ho Up' by Fresh Karim Featuring Snoop Dog, Featuring Justin Timberlake, Featuring Wyclef Jean, Featuring Timbaland, Featuring Pharrell Williams, Featuring Will.I.AM, Featuring Beyonce,Featuring Nelly, Featuring Noah, Ignoring Alexandra Burke, Featuring Lady Gaqa, Nurturing Cheryl Cole introducing Jay Zee chatting to 50 cent.... so when can we expect to see this in the shops?

FRESH K:
Well we're planning to release it on Monday as a CD and a 48 inch single.

haha like it. Not sure as a standalone its strong enough. But could see it as a part of longer sketch.

I didn't like it, sorry Steve.

I did like the one Godot recommended though, about the miners. Quality.

Quote: Nil Putters @ February 20 2010, 1:14 AM GMT

I didn't like it, sorry Steve.

View original

It's a bit of a weak joke,
but it's always worth a try.

I think this has got loads of potential. I liked the way you slipped 'ignoring', 'nurturing' and 'introducing' in there. I guess it relies heavily on how the presenter dialogue is performed. If the presenter had the manner of a hip-hop MC (and with background music), I think this could be a great skit on radio DJs doing lengthy track intros. Possibly the size of the single could be exaggerated a little more ... maybe a 112 inch single? By the way, I'm a total newbie (who hasn't had anything performed yet) so take my suggestions with a massive pinch of salt.

Agree with Drew regarding the 'ignoring', 'nurturing' and 'introducing'.
I really liked this. Really liked it.

As it stands it is a bit weak but there's something there I think.

Could you switch it so it's about the DJ? He might be introducing people to someone in the above style? Or maybe reading a menu? Just a thought, so treat me like Alexandra Burke.

I like it, however I would say avoid repeating featuring as much, like "featuring Snoop Dogg, Justin Timberlake, Wyclef Jean" etc. Still, I'm new and thus have an over-inflated sense of my own importance

Yep Beadle is right. Cut the featuring's to one. I think the presenter part was actually quite funny but the weak part is the ending really. If its short it's gotta be sharp. Tidy up the presenters speech and get a better finish.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ February 20 2010, 12:25 AM GMT

INT STUDIO.
THE HOST IS SITTING NEXT TO YOUNG RAPPER FRESH KARIM. A SONG IS JUST FINISHING ON THE VIDEO SCREEN

PRESENTER:
And that was an exlusive first look at 'Crack My Ho Up' by Fresh Karim Featuring Snoop Dog, Featuring Justin Timberlake, Featuring Wyclef Jean, Featuring Timbaland, Featuring Pharrell Williams, Featuring Will.I.AM, Featuring Beyonce,Featuring Nelly, Featuring Noah, Ignoring Alexandra Burke, Featuring Lady Gaqa, Nurturing Cheryl Cole introducing Jay Zee chatting to 50 cent.... so when can we expect to see this in the shops?

FRESH K:
We haven't got a date yet. There's another 8 bars free if you're interested?

View original

You'd have to change the start though. So that they hadn't just heard it.

I've got something similar I wrote lying around somewhere.

Cheers
Craig

Like everyone I like the presenters lines.

But don't get the punch.

There is something better to go there....somewhere.

Th punchline was just the size of the single you'd need to fit all the names on.
I think Drew was right I should have made the number bigger.
But it's a flimsy joke in the first place anyway.

Ahhhhh!!

Pass me the dunce hat.

I think it's nice, but I think Drew's take on it is possibly the way to go. If the DJ is wittering on about the featured artists and loads of extraneous info - loving the sound of his own voice - then it would be really funny if as he eventually stops introducing the track it actually finishes. It'd make it a long sketch though.

Quote: Kasm @ February 22 2010, 12:00 PM GMT

then it would be really funny if as he eventually stops introducing the track it actually finishes. It'd make it a long sketch though.

View original

It could be cut inbetween a few sketches in a series.... with the interviewee looking more and more pissed off each time

Thats my tupence worth.... hat in the ring etc.

I thought the punchline was a bit ambiguous, Stevie Baby Buns, but I like ver Pearson's suggestion.