British Comedy Guide

Rugby. What the feck's it all about?

Yet again England is in the grip of another surge of Rugby fever. The sport that is largely ignored by 95% of the population, 95% of the time suddenly becomes hugely popular for two weeks every four years when England actually threatens to win something.

Talking to our sports correspondent, Rugby legend Will Carling said,

"Let's be honest, it could be tiddlywinks. We are under no illusions. The English are so starved of success that they would watch Pig Dancing**, if it meant they had a chance of winning "

When our reporter suggested to the ex Royal shagger that the reason people didn't tend to watch Rugby in England was because nobody really understood what was going on, Carling agreed.

" To the untrained eye it must seem like a good old fashioned punch up on a saturday night with a ball popping out occasionally and somebody running off with it to the bus stop. However there is far more to it than that. It might look very violent but we have a strict code of conduct within the game. For example under no circumstances is a firearm permitted and in most games nowadays even knives are no longer used in the scrum ".

However despite the fact that no one knows what the f**k is going on, people throughout the country will be glued to their television sets next Saturday. Come on Wilko, score that goal or whatever it is you do.

** Pig Dancing- The national sport of Morovia...Don't ask.

Quote: Kent Pete @ October 15, 2007, 4:00 AM

Yet again England is in the grip of another surge of Rugby fever. The sport that is largely ignored by 95% of the population, 95% of the time suddenly becomes hugely popular for two weeks every four years when England actually threatens to win something.

Talking to our sports correspondent, Rugby legend Will Carling said,

"Let's be honest, it could be tiddlywinks. We are under no illusions. The English are so starved of success that they would watch Pig Dancing**, if it meant they had a chance of winning "

When our reporter suggested to the ex Royal shagger that the reason people didn't tend to watch Rugby in England was because nobody really understood what was going on, Carling agreed.

" To the untrained eye it must seem like a good old fashioned punch up on a saturday night with a ball popping out occasionally and somebody running off with it to the bus stop. However there is far more to it than that. It might look very violent but we have a strict code of conduct within the game. For example under no circumstances is a firearm permitted and in most games nowadays even knives are no longer used in the scrum ".

However despite the fact that no one knows what the f**k is going on, people throughout the country will be glued to their television sets next Saturday. Come on Wilko, score that goal or whatever it is you do.

** Pig Dancing- The national sport of Morovia...Don't ask.

God alone knows what happened there, I only wanted a few lines from the text!
Anyhow, it was funny and I liked it.

Well written KP but I reckon having a go at Rugby as being an odd sport is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. The only thing that's not strange about Rugby is that England are winning.. what am I SAYING!!! ;)

Laughing out loud you make me laugh KP, you know that !!!

Frankie xxx

I don't understand why half the free kicks are given but it's given us something to bring the country together.

And not just the chavs!

It shows that an Englishman CAN win at a sport the English invented!

England winning the Rugby World Cup, Football World Cup, Test Matches and Wimbledon should be a foregone conclusion most years but our sportsman and generally under par and not World Class.

It's down to TV programs like Top Gear.

i was really ready to jump on this bandwagon. so i settled down to watch england play france. it was the most tedious thing i ever saw. just some blokes booting a ball and charging after it and then having a big cuddle. then the other lot'd boot it and charge. went on for ages.

Quote: Frankie Rage @ October 16, 2007, 11:08 PM

but our sportsman and generally under par and not World Class.

Doesn't under par mean good in golf parlance?

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ October 17, 2007, 12:04 AM

Doesn't under par mean good in golf parlance?

Yes because it's below the average score and that's good in golf.
It also means below average as in below the accepted standard.
I hadn't realised how contradictory the expression was before.
I love a bit of etymology! (If that's the right word).

Quote: David Chapman @ October 16, 2007, 11:04 PM

I don't understand why half the free kicks are given but it's given us something to bring the country together.

And not just the chavs!

Are you branding all football fans as chavs? That's a bit 1980s, isn't it? Have you seen the prices fans are being charged to get into matches these days?

Quote: Frankie Rage @ October 16, 2007, 11:08 PM

It shows that an Englishman CAN win at a sport the English invented!

England winning the Rugby World Cup, Football World Cup, Test Matches and Wimbledon should be a foregone conclusion most years but our sportsman and generally under par and not World Class.

It's down to TV programs like Top Gear.

I don't really see why we should be expected to regularly win all those competitions. If we had a population the size of America, or Brazil, you might have a point.

Quote: catskillz @ October 17, 2007, 1:02 AM

Are you branding all football fans as chavs? That's a bit 1980s, isn't it? Have you seen the prices fans are being charged to get into matches these days?

I'm talking mainly about the twats in high street pubs when we're in a major competition and the damage they do when we innevitably get knocked out.

I'm a football fan myself - watch my local non-league team - but rapidly getting disillusioned with top level football.

As someone from Scotland, I'm just getting used to this top level football lark. I could get quite used to it.

Come on the mighty Jaggy Thistle Whistling nnocently

Quote: catskillz @ October 17, 2007, 1:02 AM

I don't really see why we should be expected to regularly win all those competitions. If we had a population the size of America, or Brazil, you might have a point.

I don't see the Chinese winning the Football World Cup, Rugby World Cup or Wimbledon on a regular basis, so what was your point?

Brazil have taken football to their heart as a nation, we have to taken it to our beer-belly.

As for North America, those guys are best at war not sport. Their best golfers and tennis players are probably from Europe or Africa.

;)

Personally, I've always been fascinated by the sport's homosexual overtones. The scrum, the grabbing of an opponents' ankles whilst one thrusts one's head up his bottom, the post-match group bath, and of course, that queer-shaped ball they hug so dearly.

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