NJ: Goldsmith's Night Out

Too long. It did fit into 3 pages of double spaced Arial 12pt though (just)

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GOLDSMITH'S NIGHT OUT
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GOLDSMITH
Table for one please Luigi.

LUIGI
But of course Signor Goldsmith. Good to see you again!

FX
STEPS WALKING OVER TO THE TABLE

LUIGI
Is this one alright, Signor?

GOLDSMITH
Perfect Luigi.

LUIGI
Eccellente! And here is the…

GOLDSMITH
Actually Luigi, could I have that table over there?

LUIGI
Err…No problem Signor Goldsmith.

FX
STEPS WALKING OVER TO ANOTHER TABLE

LUIGI
And here is the wine list, we have this wonderful red Sangiovese, or the crisp white Pinot Grigio.

GOLDSMITH
Oh the Pinot! Wonderful grape. So fresh, so fruity…

FX
CORK POPS. SOUND OF WINE BEING POURED.

GOLDSMITH
Mmmm. Exquisite! Bottle of the Sangiovese please.

LUIGI
But I just opened…

GOLDSMITH
I didn't ask for it. I mean from a legal point of view.

LUIGI
Umm…Si, Signor. It was wrong of me to proceed without PROPER
AUTHORISATION. I order a fresh bottle. Now for starters, smoked salmon or
grilled mushrooms?

GOLDMSMITH
Smoked salmon, please.

LUIGI
You sure Signor?

GOLDSMITH
Completely.

LUIGI
Positive?

GOLDSMITH
One hundred percent.

LUIGI
(SHOUTING) One smoked salmon, Marco.

GOLDSMITH
Actually, can we make that the….

LUIGI
(SHOUTING) One plate, grilled mushrooms, Marco.

GOLDSMITH
Now for the main course, Stuffed Calamari drenched in a rich Bolognese
tomato sauce, a bed of fresh capers anchovies, onions and parsley, all lightly
fried in a creamy Parmesan and butter sauce with just a dash of sage, dill,
oregano and parsley to boot.

LUIGI
(INCREDULOUS) Really? Are you ABSOLUTLEY sure?

GOLDSMITH
Yes. Yes I am Luigi.

FX
CHAIRS, GLASSES, PLATES SCATTER. THUD FOLLOWED BY
SHARP GROAN.

LUIGI
(THICK ITALIAN ACCENT NOW) How about now, eh? Maybe this bread
knife help you decide. You no change your mind, pinned up against the wall
like this, eh?

GOLDMSITH
Please Luigi, watch the suit! I only just got the creases out from last time!

I have no idea what this story is. Did I miss it or have I missed the point.

For such a long sketch, it's not nearly funny enough. They've said in the past if your sketch is getting up to three pages long, it'd better be f**king funny!

It's really the same joke a few times. I'm sure you could cut it down to a page given the content.

Dan

I'm afraid I didn't get the story either, so I didn't have a clue what it was about. Even people watching the news for Newsjack stories need a helping hand to know where they are early in the sketch.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ February 2 2010, 6:16 PM GMT

I always think they must get so many submissions about the same thing, so this week I concentrated on the recipes section on the BBC homepage...

View original

Quote: postscript @ February 5 2010, 6:29 PM GMT

Now for the main course, Stuffed Calamari drenched in a rich Bolognese
tomato sauce, a bed of fresh capers anchovies, onions and parsley, all lightly
fried in a creamy Parmesan and butter sauce with just a dash of sage, dill,
oregano and parsley to boot.

View original

Did you have the same idea as me?

The idea is that he keeps changing his mind at the last minute (as per his legal advice)

Fair enough though, needs to be a lot more direct, to the point, crisper with some more jokes. Thanks for the crit.

I thought it was really nicely written and kept me engaged (which is good going for a long sketch). But I have to agree that it was not funny enough. It needed more little jokes and a bigger punchline at the end.

I didn't know the story either, but you may be able to put some reference to it in the sketch and then this would have helped the punchline.

Nice idea though - considering the news story.

Hope that helps!