... and here's the other failure.
(Incidentally, R.J. -- this is where I need that ridiculous name you came up with!)
Dan
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Scrappage Scheme
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MILES:
Old things eventually need replacing; something no-one's ever explained to the Playboy bunnies. With analogue radios following cars and old boilers into a scrappage scheme, it seems people are set to offer a new-for-old deal on practically everything. On the line now is Dr. Codswallop Facetio, a champion of the new MP Scrappage Scheme. Dr Facetio, tell us how the scheme works.
DR FACETIO:
Well, Miles, it's quite simple. If your MP is past their integrity, you can part-exchange them for a less-corrupted model of your choice.
MILES:
Such as?
DR FACETIO:
Such as well, say, the generous old man at the end of the road who feeds the ducks whatever the weather. Or the selfless lady next-door who cuts your hedge despite having a bad back. (BEAT) Or Cliff Richard.
MILES:
I see. So what happens to the MPs?
DR FACETIO:
Well, Miles, your old MP will be broken down to see if any of the constituency parts are salvageable. Some parts, for instance, are completely worthless. I mean, egos are so big and commonplace these days as to be rendered completely worthless; you can get much bigger and infinitely more self-absorbed egos in, say, any African or Middle-Eastern dictatorship. But rarer commodities, such as a… sense of worth or… or dedication… well, these could turn out to be unexpected little treasures hidden amongst all the resentment and hypocrisy…
MILES:
So, I take it the scheme has worked out well for you?
DR. FACETIO:
Oh, indeed. I scrapped my local MP after his bottom completely gave way during the Iraq Enquiry! I used the scrappage allowance to pay for a cabbage that we ate for dinner.
MILES:
Wow! A whole cabbage!
DR. FACETIO:
Well, not strictly true. We had to trade in a Cabinet to get a *whole* cabbage, but the principle is there.
MILES:
That's very enlightening. Dr. Facetio, thank you very much!
END
Cool! Ta.