Quote: Timbo @ February 4 2010, 9:20 PM GMTThis week's waste paper basket fillers:
I believe in alternative medicine, and frankly I was appalled at the mass protest against Boots for stocking homeopathic remedies. One person protesting just a little bit would have been just as effective.
Beautiful
Quote: swerytd @ February 4 2010, 9:26 PM GMTLike the Maggie Thatcher one a lot. Maybe it's a bit of a mouthful to say out loud though; easy to stumble over?
Fair point; I just couldn't find a way to make the gag work with a natural speech rhythm. (As it is to make it readable you would probably need to put the stress on "wasn't".)
Quote: sootyj @ February 4 2010, 9:26 PM GMTBeautiful
Cheers.
Quote: sootyj @ February 4 2010, 7:01 PM GMT10% of all English people fall for cons. If you feel you may have been conned please call the BBC with your sort code and account number, the number is 088898...
I suck
Doesn't suck.
Quote: HeyManda @ February 4 2010, 7:55 PM GMTThat Christian group in Haiti, you can't go snatching every child who can't prove who their father is, I mean...Jesus Christ.
Good gag, well constructed.
Had high hopes for these (for some reason):
SLOANE RANGER IN STREET: Well, I got one of those iPads, but it wasn't very absorbent so I switched back to my normal tampon.
MIDDLE-AGED MAN: Davos? I always preferred the cybermen myself.
HOXTON TYPE: I got that Mussolini app for my phone. It looked good but it kept hanging.
CORRECTION: We apologise for accusing Max Mosley of stalking a promotions girl dressed as a cheese twist. We are happy to clarify that he is not a Nazi; he was merely following hors d'oeuvres.
Quote: Lbug @ February 4 2010, 9:51 PM GMTCORRECTION: We apologise for accusing Max Mosley of stalking a promotions girl dressed as a cheese twist. We are happy to clarify that he is not a Nazi; he was merely following hors d'oeuvres.
Too high brow. you need to keep it simple for dah yoots. 
Quote: Timbo @ February 4 2010, 9:37 PM GMTGood gag, well constructed.
Cheers. Seeing how good all these rejections are makes it a bit easier to take.
Quote: HeyManda @ February 4 2010, 10:27 PM GMTCheers. Seeing how good all these rejections are makes it a bit easier to take.
Exactly. I'm giving this one last week but really I think I will concentrate on the Big Five thing. On a positive note Newsjack has kick started me into writing more frequenlty and to time lines so it's been a good thing for me. 
Quote: Lbug @ February 4 2010, 9:51 PM GMTCORRECTION: We apologise for accusing Max Mosley of stalking a promotions girl dressed as a cheese twist. We are happy to clarify that he is not a Nazi; he was merely following hors d'oeuvres.
Very nice!
In for a penny, in for a pounding.
UNIVERSITY BUDGET CUTS
(TEACHERY) ...and the thigh bone is connected to the back bone, the back bone is connected to the...and that's where we have to end I'm afraid, if there are any gaps in your knowledge take it up with the government. (FX: AHHS FROM STUDENTS)
SMOKING PLAN
I don't know how they plan on cutting the number of smokers by half. I can't kick the habit myself and now the council are handing out loads of free cigarettes, it's got even harder. [COUGHS VIOLENTLY]
CORRECTIONS
Last week we stated that Britain is broken, but since seeking a second opinion Britain has been reclassified as having a green line fracture.
Quote: The Giggle-o @ February 4 2010, 10:38 PM GMTCORRECTIONS
Last week we stated that Britain is broken, but since seeking a second opinion Britain has been reclassified as having a green line fracture.
Good one.
Lots of good stuff on here as usual, even if half of it isn't in a format Newsjack use (you one-liner merchants!)... my faves are Timbo's homeopathy and Sootyj's Corrie idea.
"I can cry like Roger, I only wish I could roger like Terry."
Its ironic in a way because although the target audience is the youth, the feel is very old school. In fact sometimes it sounds like old-schoolers trying to impress young people. I wonder how many young people actaully listen to this. And find it funny. 
Quote: Timbo @ February 4 2010, 9:20 PM GMTThis week's waste paper basket fillers:
I believe in alternative medicine, and frankly I was appalled at the mass protest against Boots for stocking homeopathic remedies. One person protesting just a little bit would have been just as effective.
How could that not make the show?
Intersting point from funnyfnarr. Who is is the target audience for NJ?
This week's vox flops:
NEWS BULLETS
Newsbullet – Blair not Bliar – 'cos da yoof can spell.
Newsbullet – In da 'hood and' in Da vos.
Newsbullet – we take one for you.
VOX POPS
I see Jay-Zee is 'avin trouble with his bitches again. So wot! You can do wot you like if you is President of South Africa.
I don't care what Jacob Zuma does in his private life, but he does not have the right to change the name of our rugby team to the Springbonks.
Fears that stadia for the world cup in South Africa will not be ready in time were quashed this week when President Jacob Zuma guaranteed a full erection.
What a week for eggs with Lady Thatcher eating 28 a week and now, a tour announced by Pope Benedict.
I hear the Pope will bring his own press corps on his UK tour. They're known as the Paparazzinger
CORRECTIONS
Obese folk can now have 2 seats for the price of one with the launch of the new airline Fryanair.
Quote: funnyfnarr @ February 5 2010, 8:26 AM GMTIts ironic in a way because although the target audience is the youth, the feel is very old school. In fact sometimes it sounds like old-schoolers trying to impress young people. I wonder how many young people actaully listen to this. And find it funny.
Whoever said their target audience was 'the youth'? Their target audience is whoever tends to listen to Radio 7, which I would imagine is the same sort of demographic as listens to Radio 2 and 4. I doubt 'the youth' are turning off Zane Lowe for repeats of 'The Navy Lark'.
Presumably, if you ever do get anything on Newsjack, you'll think it's great.
Quote: Tam-S @ February 5 2010, 10:39 AM GMTWhat a week for eggs with Lady Thatcher eating 28 a week and now, a tour announced by Pope Benedict.
This is a brilliant idea, and I can't believe something along these lines didn't get in. I don't think this is the right *thing* but I reckon with a bit of work, it could be fantastic.
My failures:
VOX POP:
This Facebook Godfather didn't scare me! Well, not till he threw a horse's head at me…
VOX POP:
John Terry will *lose* sponsorship deals? I heard he'd been given a new one. By Gillette.
VOX POP:
More lies have been uncovered about climate change. This is turning out to be much worse than we first though. I mean, Jeremy Clarkson being right!
VOX POP:
I don't know about grey making cigarette packets look boring. Have people not seen the Dulux paint charts!? It's like a veritable cavalcade of greyness!
CORRECTION:
We would like to apologise for last week's assertions regarding Tesco's rules. It is PJ's that are banned, and you can all carry on as normal with the BJ's.
NEWSBULLET:Eating the crusts, so you don't have to!
NEWSBULLET:Like Trevor MacDonald… dressed as Robocop!
NEWSBULLET:Like main News Kievs. Smaller, with a nicer middle bit!
Dan