This got nowhere for Newsjack the other week. Too obscure? Too cliched? Too contrived? Too what? Any feedback welcome.
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MILES (INTRO):
Tattoos were invented by The Who for their 1967 album The Who Sell Out, but since then they have gained popularity with my generation - and probably yours - who seem to have taken on the mantra "hope I die before I need a skin graft". One of the world's most marked men - literally – is David Beckham. He's had a new ink job which he's kindly agreed to talk to us about at Newsjack. Welcome David, and thanks for joining us so soon after the Milan derby game.
BECKHAM:
We weren't playing Derby, were we?
MILES:
Er, I don't think so, though I'm more of a Fives man myself. So, what's the latest tattoo?
BECKHAM:
I can't remember. I get a lot of tattoos.
MILES:
But you've only just had it done! I'd heard it was another figure of worship - Jesus, Buddha or Fabio Capello.
BECKHAM:
I forget fings. I have this condition.
MILES:
Oh dear, how can we sort this out? What do you say, top off?
F/X:CLOTHES RIPPED OFF
MILES (CONT'D):
My, what an impressive torso.
BECKHAM:
Yeah, it's amazing, er, do you want me to take my top off as well?
MILES:
Yes, that's probably a better idea come to think of it.
F/X:CLOTHES RIPPED OFF
MILES:
Good grief, what does this one say? 'Remember Sammy Jankis'? And this? 'Never answer the phone'. And this one - 'Find him and kill him'? David, are you sure you haven't just become obsessed with the film Memento, in which Guy Pearce's character tattoos himself to remind him to avenge his wife's murder?
BECKHAM:
I can't remember.
MILES:
Wait – this one says 'I must find Miles G and kill him.' Isn't it supposed to be John G?
BECKHAM:
You're a Miles G! You can be my Miles G!
MILES:
It's Jupp with a J, not a G. And anyway, your wife hasn't been murdered – except perhaps by the music press.
BECKHAM:
That's it! The enemy!
MILES:
David, it's the (DELIBERATELY) N.M.E. I can see we're getting nowhere with this. All there is to know is David Beckham's had a bit more physical enhancement done…
F/X:RUBBER GLOVE ONTO HAND
BECKHAM SQUEALS
MILES (CONT'D):
But that Italian reporter was right – it's not down there.
END
