Auld Bhoy
Thursday 4th February 2010 11:02pm
Birmingham
2,388 posts
My mostly Terry-related nonsense:
Ashley Cole has been fined £1,000 for driving home at 104 mph. In his defence, John Terry had asked to borrow a bowl of sugar.
Tony Blair has been criticised for arriving almost an hour early at the Iraq enquiry. Blair has played down the 45 minute claim.
John Terry is to appear in a special episode of 'Stars in their Eyes'. He's performing Under the Bridge.
One of Britain's most dangerous gangsters used Facebook to threaten his enemies. One associate fears for his farm after being repeatedly struck by a pillow.
Football is now being shown in 3D. It's the best way to see John Terry's tackle without dating his team-mate.
Assisted suicide should be legalised for the elderly. I'd happily give Noel Edmonds a hand.
John Terry has refused to discuss the England captaincy. He'll cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Apple have introduced a new gadget that plays Susan Boyle videos. It's called the I-Sore.
Newsbullet: moving faster than John Terry when he spots a team-mate's girlfriend unattended.
Andy Murray has lost in another grand slam final. He's now had more seconds than Kerry Katona.
There's been another spate of burglaries at footballers' homes. Wayne Bridge's girlfriend has been repeatedly turned over.
There were unexpected consequences for two pensioners who were caught romping in a Tesco bakery aisle. They both have a yeast infection.
Wayne Rooney could lose £4m after being sued. John Terry could lose £12m after being Sally'd, Paula'd and Denise'd.
Using social networking sites to threaten others could lead to an electronic anti-social behaviour order, known as an EBO. It's on a level par with an ASBO, but it's not as embarrassing as a SuBo.
Tony Blair has said that there was no secret deal with Bush. John Terry has made no such assertion.
Al Qaeda have slammed Britain and America for causing climate change. Osama Bin Laden has called for shorter plane journeys.
I can't believe that John Terry got his team-mates' girlfriend pregnant. When you're playing away you've got to keep it tight at the back.
Correction:
We incorrectly reported that rappers Kanye West and 50 Cent had described Susan Boyle as 'cool'. They actually said she was 'phat'.