I've listened to the show and even though some of its 's funny it's really scraping the barrel in most places. Its not that good. but when you come here you read laugh out loud stuff. 
Quote: RobJ @ January 28 2010, 10:43 PM GMTCORRECTION #2:Last week we reported that a terrorist attack is highly likely, even though there is no intelligence to suggest a terrorist attack is imminent. We forgot to add. Boo!
Last one is most obvious but someones got to do it.
yeah that one is obvious.
Here are my failed Vox Pops and Newsbullets. Any criticism is much appreciated.
VOX POPS
Woman with West Country accent – like Cadbury's Caramel Bunny:
I am the Ghost of Chocolate Paaaast … I mean Chocolate Paste!
Crazy Italian woman:
I am David Beckham's ex-chauffeur! Why did he fire me? Because I wore yellow gloves and turned up late to give him a lift.
Woman with New York accent:
Last week I tripped and fell into a Picasso. Fortunately the damage wasn't too bad – I grazed my knee and busted my elbow.
NEWSBULLETS
Research carried out at the University of Worcester has shown (rather surprisingly) that women wash their duvets less often than men. Well it's not that surprising – men ought to wash themselves.
David Beckham was forced to drive himself home from an interview in Milan last week after firing his chauffeur for wearing yellow gloves. He also accused her of turning up late to give him a lift.
Last week a woman tripped and fell into a Picasso during an art class at a New York Museum.
The museum's curator said that "it's important to keep a sense of perspective" – a sentiment the artist would not have agreed with.
I got one in this week. 
(see NewsJack thread)
Here are the rest...
No, the banning of cheap alcohol deals in supermarkets doesn't really affect me. I'm a shoplifter.
I hear that alcohol abuse kills around 40,000 people every year. That must be good news for Gordon Brown, as he's successfully cutting down on the number of binge drinkers.
Save the Children reckon that severe child poverty in the UK is going up.
I agree. On some Council estates, I've seen children having to make do with only one games console between them.
What do they say about talking to yourself? Ah, yes. That's right. It's the first sign of having no friends.
I hear they're going to teach schoolchildren to delay sex. Don't you think they're being a little premature?
Yeah, Bill McClaren will be sadly missed in the world of rugby. I would say he had a good innings, but he wasn't a cricket commentator.
I'm sure Bill McClaren will be greatly missed in rugby. And in other Warwickshire towns too.
Congratulations but do you have to rub our noses in it. We know you got one in we've seen the thread. Don't keep going on about it.
My failures...
VOXPOPS
FEMALE COUNTRY BUMPKIN – So what if aliens are not friendly? I survived perfectly fine in London.
POSH GIRL – What? An exhibition full of forged art. I guess that makes them art-ifice. Get it? Art-ifice… no?
CHAVY GIRL – No, I don't think my A-level in 'Travel & Tourism' is worthless; I go Magaluf like every year.
MAN – So the recession is over? I bet Jeremy Kyle is fuming.
Newsbullet – Breaking news without the consequences.
Newsbullet – Your ear bash in a news flash
Newsbullet – Ready, aim, Broadcast.
Newsbullet – Because 'Sky' is like so last season.
Newsbullet – Getting all up in your 'Facebook' to give *you* the latest 'Twitter.'
Newsbullet – We don't need no explanation… or grammar.
Newsbullet – The broadcaster from your ghetto blaster!
I quite liked this one, thought it was a shoo-in.
"Newsbullet! Bringing you hollow-points of view!"
My joke-writing software told me it worked on at least three levels, namely:
1. Hollow-points are types of bullets.
2. Points of View is a TV show.
3. The views expressed in Newsbullet are rather hollow.
But no. Twas not to be.
Quote: CKY88 @ January 29 2010, 9:27 PM GMTVOXPOPS
MAN – So the recession is over? I bet Jeremy Kyle is fuming.
Newsbullet – Breaking news without the consequences.
Newsbullet – Your ear bash in a news flash
Newsbullet – Ready, aim, Broadcast.
Newsbullet – Because 'Sky' is like so last season.
Newsbullet – Getting all up in your 'Facebook' to give *you* the latest 'Twitter.'
Newsbullet – We don't need no explanation… or grammar.
Newsbullet – The broadcaster from your ghetto blaster!
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ January 29 2010, 9:39 PM GMTI quite liked this one, thought it was a shoo-in.
"Newsbullet! Bringing you hollow-points of view!"
But no. Twas not to be.
Well it shoo-d (geddit?) have been because its funny.
I think the lesson here is that Newsjack is like a lottery. There are some really good stuff on here but we just have to keep trying until our number come up.
Quote: Timbo @ January 21 2010, 8:03 PM GMTOh yeah, I'm right in favour of tax breaks for being married. I'd be quids in. I'm a bigamist.
One quite similar to this was used this week. I suppose it is an obvious angle, but given the date I submitted I think I could claim first dibs!
"I hear Jedward are going to release a single. I can't wait. No, really, after I heard about it I booked myself into Dignitas next Tuesday, so I literally can't wait."
Well done to all those BCGers who got on. Here are my feeble attempts
OLD LADYTony Blair is getting paid how much working for a hedge fund? I hope we're not paying for his Privet Secretary.
THICK YOUTHWill the other brothers carry on wiv the music now they've hung Chemical Ali?
STUDENTDo I know what's happening on May 6th? (BEAT)(PATRONISING) It's only Qui-Gon Jinn's birthday.
COCKNEY Now he's dumped Jolie, I'd like to see him going out with talk show Ricki (BEAT) cos he'd be a right Branflake.
WOMANI see they're looking for 5 strangers from different backgrounds to recreate the Spice Girls in a musical. I'm sure Brad and Angelina could lend them the kids while they sort themselves out.
CORRECTIONS:
MILES:Last week we incorrectly stated that eminent members of the Royal Society, trying to contact aliens, couldn't agree on a soundbite to be broadcast into space which would accurately portray 21st Centaury man. In a Newsjack exclusive we can now reveal it to be (BEAT)
FX EASTENDERS DRUM INTRO
These didn't get me anywhere this week:
VOX POP:
I'm amazed the Spice Girls are associated with a new musical – they've never been involved with anything musical before.
OLD DUFFER:
Sky are going to show this 3-D football are they? What I want to know is, how much will they charge for it in *new* money?
CORRECTION 1:
Last week we said that Bernard Manning had retired from inflicting his tasteless rubbish on the public. Of course we meant Bernard Matthews.
CORRECTION 2:
We reported on how the woman charged with having noisy sex had been given a suspended sentence after her appeal was heard in Newcastle. We should have said her appeal was heard in Newcastle, Sunderland, and as far north as Berwick upon Tweed.
Quote: Badge @ January 31 2010, 3:36 AM GMTCORRECTION 2:
We reported on how the woman charged with having noisy sex had been given a suspended sentence after her appeal was heard in Newcastle. We should have said her appeal was heard in Newcastle, Sunderland, and as far north as Berwick upon Tweed.
Good one.
One of these was recorded. No idea which one as it didn't get broadcast. So something in this list is nearly good enough, and the rest aren't good at all.
Dan
VOX POP:
This 16-year-old boy who wants a sex change: he's got some balls...
VOX POP:
I can't believe they're giving Viagra to criminals on home leave. Thank goodness they're not the hardened ones...
VOX POP:
So there's a boom in selling out-of-date food on the internet now, is there? Honestly, I'm sure all this was best before the recession.
VOX POP:
OAPs? GBH? ABH? And there's me thinking they're all sat at home watching Countdown.
VOX POP:
Sending signals out into space might cause aliens to attack us. I tell you what – I'd quite happily blow a whole planet to smithereens if they were beaming hour after hour after hour of Celebrity Big Brother at me!
CORRECTION:
Last week, we of course meant that writers will be awarded 75% royalties on e-Books and not that Bookies will be awarded 75% of Royalty.
CORRECTION:
We apologise for last week's error concerning Leonardo da Vinci. We correctly stated that the Mona Lisa was based on his own face. However, he is an artist and not, as we claimed, the owner of LDV Vans Limited.
Pound to a penny it was the viagra joke.
Heh, I can imagine Jimmy Carr telling the boy sex change gag.