British Comedy Guide

A Haiti sketch don't hate me. Page 4

haha Christ got totally nailed on the cross. Hey on that subject, does anybody find it weird how Christians wear a cross on their necks and wait for the 3rd coming? that's like having a friend survive a frenzied knife attack, and wearing a machete knife around your neck to his homecoming party. No wonder Christ hasn't come back yet! He's probably dropped by, and been like "holy shit! these jews are still pissed at me man. beam me up scotty!" stop reminding him of that ordeal maan!

Hey did you hear this one? "Christ forgave the hoar". Last time I offered a hoar forgiveness for the sin she just committed, her pimp told me to pay up, or get cut up.

I love the Haiti maan. seriously, Pineapple, ham, de-licious! oh wait, that's the hawaian. Any body watch the Haitian tragedy unfold and think what I'm thinking? Bunch of moaners, "ooh I lost my son, a building fell on him". seriously, what makes bbc news think I want to watch this shit? haven't I got enough problems in my life? I had to take a ride in my jeep just to let off some steam.

My son came up to me the other day, and was like "dad, I don't even know where Haiti is". I just said "well, now you don't need to know son."

Seriously, Haiti man. It made me happy, but that's because I hate all humans. And I also discovered something about myself whilst watching that tragedy unfold man. Like they were showing this village, and, I concentrated real hard on this house. It fell down like a ton of shit. I did that. But lets face it, telekenesis is the only possible way that I am ever going to experience bringing the house down. Thank you good night!

Quote: BJ Penn @ January 27 2010, 12:45 AM GMT

does anybody find it weird how Christians wear a cross on their necks and wait for the 3rd coming? that's like having a friend survive a frenzied knife attack, and wearing a machete knife around your neck to his homecoming party.

Bill Hicks

Image

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f**king cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

http://thinkexist.com/quotes/bill_hicks/

Who is Jackie Onassis? I see that this Hicks fellow is a fellow observationalist. Are you suggesting he is stealing my material?

That Hicks Jesus stuff is pretty much unheard of....i'd say just crack on doing it, doubt you'd ever get pulled up on it again.

Oh...why not add in some gags about a GI Joe up your arse and black people versus niggaz - that should just about see all basis covered.

Out of interest what is the GI joe up your arse joke? In the St John's ambulance training manual it categorically states "having a GI Joes stuck up your arse is no laughing matter". Please enlighten.

Quote: Griff @ January 27 2010, 9:49 PM GMT

"And then the big brown shark came..."

Griff speach writer for the Republican party.

Which I talk out of context. Just like the Iraq war dossier.

Hooray for satire brown sharks and pointless arguments!

Quote: sootyj @ January 27 2010, 10:06 PM GMT

Which I talk out of context. Just like the Iraq war dossier.

Hooray for satire brown sharks and pointless arguments!

That's what I was about to say.

hmm I'm not sure about this sketch. I *get* it but its not funny. Not because I am outraged or anything its just that its not funny. I think what I'm trying to say is this would work as an art piece. It's really cluttered with social commentary. I'm reminded of The Netherlandish Proverbs.

The only Netherlandish Proverb I adhere to is 'Don't get high on your own supply'.

Notorious BIG may have the copyright on that though. :P

I can bet if any of you were trapped under the concrete for days, you'd be praying to Jesus/God, whether he approves of crosses or not

Quote: bushbaby @ January 31 2010, 12:23 AM GMT

I can bet if any of you were trapped under the concrete for days, you'd be praying to Jesus/God, whether he approves of crosses or not

O Blessed Bushbaby, Mother of mercy, pray for us that we may be preserved this day and evermore. Dear Saints and Angels, and especially you, Bushbaby, our chosen patron, watch over us. We commend ourselves to your protection now and forever.

Amen.

Quote: Morrace @ January 31 2010, 12:53 AM GMT

O Blessed Bushbaby, Mother of mercy, pray for us that we may be preserved this day and evermore. Dear Saints and Angels, and especially you, Bushbaby, our chosen patron, watch over us. We commend ourselves to your protection now and forever.

Amen.

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