Here is my attempt for Week 3. All comments greatly received. I think it is probably a bit short and could have done with a Miles funny comment at the end.
MILES:
The Police have been in the news a lot this week. First officers were given a stern talking to for using a riot shield as a sledge whilst on duty. Then the Uk's shortest ever Policeman was unveiled. Five foot tall PC Robin Port made 17 arrests in his first month using the caution, "You do not have to say anything but if you do, could you speak up a bit because I can't hear you down here."
Devon and Cornwall Police stole the headlines when a young hand reared deer called Bambi was shot dead after wandering into a garden. Officers claimed the animal presented a danger to nearby traffic. On the phone is Chief Inspector Charlton Hunter (laughs at name then embarrassed) from the Animal Safety Unit. Chief Inspector, was it really necessary?
FX (PHONE)
HUNTER (Clint Eastwood like):
It's a dirty war out there. Sometimes it's them or us. I know what you're thinking. "Did we fire 6 shots or only 5"
MILES:
I was actually wondering why you fired any. Couldn't you have just coaxed her out by (beat) stamping your foot?
HUNTER:
This was a wild animal; it's not like in the movies.
MILES:
Yes it is, you shot her. That's exactly like in the movie.
HUNTER:
If she had made it onto the dual carriageway I don't know what would have happened.
MILES:
I imagine people would have stopped, stroked her cute furry face, looked into her deep soulful eyes and told her that everything was going to be alright?
HUNTER:
(Irate) That's not an option that comes with the AR 15 Doekiller. We did it by the book.
MILES:
Which book is that? The ACPO guidance on breaking hearts and shattering dreams? Haven't you heard of all things bright and beautiful. (hesitant – not remembering the right words) All creatures… big and tall. All things wise and wonderful (beat) Do you have to shoot them all?
FX POLICE RADIO OVER PHONE
FEMALE POLICE OPERATOR:
Any unit that can assist an elderly lady getting her cat out of a tree in St Ives please respond.
HUNTER (shouting but fading off):
We'll take it, Get the eyes in the sky, I want an outer cordon, engage and neutralise, protect and slaughter…….
FX PHONE CUT OFF
Thanks Dan I appreciate that. Gives me the incentive to try harder next week!